This is a horrifically bad picture of me. Its being used to illustrate frustration, which is felt at this house on occasion. I won't sugar coat our family dynamic. Sometimes I want to sell Nathan to the Gypsies. I would never do that, of course. But there are days...
About two weeks ago, Nathan was in his room, getting dressed. Or so I thought. I knocked on his door to check on him and he's only in his underwear. This was a good sign, which means he'd started the process. I asked him if he needed more time to change and he said yes. I told him he had 5 more minutes.
I checked him again and he had pants on, but he looked like he's about to cry. I asked him, "What's the matter, honey?"
"The pants." he said.
I questioned him about the pants. He couldn't really say. I checked them. They weren't dirty or wrinkled. They didn't have a difficult button or zipper. I couldn't figure out what's wrong.
"Nate, what's wrong with the pants?"
"Mom, they're uncomfortable."
Okay, we're getting somewhere. I was glad I gotten that out of him. But, it's was 7:45 AM. I hadn't showered and I felt like I stunk like a wedge of Stilton. We needed to leave by 8:05. I had a feeling we wouldn't make that time frame.
I said, "Okay, pal. That's fine. You want to wear another pair of pants?"
He said, "Yeah, pajama pants."
I normally don't let him wear pajama pants to school, as they look like, well, pajama pants. But this pair had a camouflage print on them. Completely acceptable in my book. I told him he could put them on and he could finish getting dressed.
"But Mom," he whined, "everyone will know..."
"Know what?" I pressed.
"That they're pajama pants."
I got close to selling him on Ebay at that point.
"Honey," I insisted, "who knows they're pajama pants?"
"Me & you" he said.
"Right, so we're the only ones who know. Nobody has to know except us."
"But what if someone asks me?"
Ask him if he's wearing pajama pants? Please, half the kids in school don't change their clothes before going to school. But Nathan is a clothes horse and frequently asks me if his clothes make him look fat. I couldn't wrap my head around this. His Asperger's was being too crafty for me. It was 7:55, Nathan was crying and half naked and I was on the verge of having an audition reel for "Jersey Shore" with all the f-bombs I was holding back.
"Honey, nobody has to know they're pajama pants.
You can wear them if you want."
"I'll wear the other pants that make me itchy."
"Nate, you don't have to wear the itchy pants."
"But everyone will know about the pajama pants."
"Nate, you'd rather be uncomfortable and wear the itchy pants?"
"YES!!!"
I was befuddled, confused and yes, frustrated. There were some raised voices, by me. There was lots of crying by Nate. I was like, "Why is he torturing himself? Why can't he just put on some darn clothes? Doesn't he know I smell like an 8th grade science experiment?" Nathan was just miserable, in my lap, screeching into my shoulder. Then, like a direct line from the Asperger Gods to me, I had a thought.
"Nate, do you want to wear a different pair of pants?"
"A different pair?"
"Yeah, like a pair of pants that are comfortable and are not pajama pants?"
He looked at me like I had told him he could swim in ice cream for a week. He smiled a little and wiped his face and said, "Yes. I would like that." I figured he needed another option. In his brain, he had only two options. There was never any consideration of a third choice in his mind, so I put it there.
I held him in my lap and rocked him for a while. He's 73 lbs now, so it's not so easy to keep him there, but he still crawls up into my arms like a monkey when he's sad. I know he needs love when he does that and I am happy to give it to him.
So, to sum up, Nathan wore jeans that day. I did not have a shower before I took Nathan to school, but did as soon as I got home. We also donated the offending trousers to charity. Asperger's may attack without warning. It is best to be as prepared as you can, and try to think outside of the proverbial box. :)
Read original post
Recommend
Comments (38)
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - Wow! Troll much? Shame on you if that is the only thing you took away from this mother's very heartfelt post. The bottom line here is that this story could happen to anyone who has a child no matter what issue the child does or does not have.
I am going to pray for your heart to be opened so that it will pour out the LOVE it is intended to.
What a touching story. It really IS all about love and understanding of our challenges, isn't it?
PS...don't feed the troll. (Chibi_Son_Gokou) *hug*
@AbnormalButSane@xanga - No spanking here, just trying to make the world a more comfortable place. :)
@PolarGreyWOLF@xanga - It's all good! Thanks for the props. And honestly, people are entitled to their opinions and to believe what they will believe. It's their narrowmindedness that prevents them from seeing the full scope of what's around them.
@TheyCallHerEcho88@xanga - It comes with the territory of being a special needs parent. You have to adopt so many roles, wear so many hats. It's like being a detective with all the signs you have to decipher. You never truly know what you're in for until you're knee deep in it and then you wonder how you actually get it done. I still don't know. I just do it. He's an amazing boy and has made such huge progress over the past few years.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - It wasn't a pair of jeans, it was a different pair of pants. And yes, probably all other mothers have gone through similar. But no need to put my already sensitive kid through my own anxiety when he's dealing with his own issues, one of them which is sensory.
Your perspective is your perspective. This is mine. And if you don't think it's novel, hey, that's your opinion. If you don't have a special needs child, this makes absolutely NO SENSE to you. And that's okay. Maybe one day you'll experience it on your own and you'll have that A-ha moment and it will make sense. Until then, blessings unto you.
This is my first big trolling, and hey, it's all good folks. I take it in stride and mad props and love to you all for fighting the good fight for me. You're all rockstars in my book. But don't give them air, and their flame will die out, you dig? :)
I've been doing this writing thing for a little while and I take this all with a grain of salt. I don't take it personally. Their trying to rain on my parade, and there is no chance of that!
I'm sorry sweetheart that you had a bad morning.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - It's understandable that you would see the situation that way. But for a parent having to deal with an Autistic child, in the moment of an "episode", sometimes practically is the last thing on their mind. Especially if they've been having a rough day. So as simple (and obvious) as that solution seemed, it was like an epiphany for this mother. And she was even more excited because the solution was actually well received. It's really not easy living with an Autistic person, even those who are considered high-functioning (Asperger's). My brother is, so I know.
Hi I actually am a Gypsy and believe me I am not looking for kids right now. I kind of have to agree with Leni1 here, it wasn't that hard of a problem, she sounds like a bit of a drama queen/has a difficult time tolerating her child, and honestly other parents have to deal with this kind of stuff too, its not necessarily autism specific unless he's like 10 or older, I don't know how old this kid is. his insistence on not wearing pajama pants was well founded. A lot of schools banned wearing pajama pants because it became a weird way for girls to try and look sexy, it was the style for a while kinda "intellectually disabled" huh. So your son didn't want to be the first boy to violate the anti lingerie clause of the dress code, wanted to maintain a sense of decorum it actually shows a surprisingly good social sense for someone with Aspergers. At the same time he could not abide that denim fabric, that seems to be true of a lot of autistic people. Maybe I am just a bit pissed at original poster because I happen to be part of two deeply stereotyped and misunderstood groups of people who came up in a very stereotypical way in this article, Romani(proper name for the Gypsies) and someone with Aspergers.
@wcn - Maybe its not easy living with you. How is people bitching about Autistic/Aspergers people all day and saying woe to anyone with the misfortune of having one in your family not bigoted as well as kind of pathetic. Well we don't pick our family, god does. I am not trying to be mean as I might sound. Has it ever crossed your mind that just about every sister in the entire world complains about how annoying her brother is sometimes and visa versa even if both siblings are Neurotypical. Kids with Aspergers know how to read does this mom really want her kid to read this, how will that make him feel?
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - @Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - Why
then are you then reading and commenting on this post? I personally can't be
bothered to debate whether Asperger’s is real or not with persons such as
yourself but I will point out the illogical nature of posting a response such
as yours on a website about Autism and Asperger’s. Also if you don’t have Asperger’s
why even post this comment. 'Except I haven't been fired 30 times, I don't have
seizures when I'm in a place with flashing lights and loud sounds, and I can
read facial expressions and body language quite well.' All you have said makes
no sense.