Monday, 17 September 2012

• I Don't Want My Brother To Leave

  
  
  I had a pretty intense conversation with my little brother tonight. I probably shouldn’t say little. He’s really only fifteen months younger than me. Anyway, Clinton was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder when he was fifteen. We were grateful that we had finally found what could be the cause of his social anxiety. He’s a good boy, with enough friends to be happy, but parties scare him and he decided he did not want a graduation party this year. He said he remembered mine and how nervous he felt when my friends started talking to him.
  
  I think I’m a good looking girl. We live in an affluent area, so most of my friends are knock-outs. It kills me to watch my friends try to flirt with him, and him be completely oblivious. To hear my friends state “Holy Shit! Your brother is hot!!” and then after talking with him their tone changes to “Your brother is kind of weird” or “That kid needs to get laid.”

  I’m a pretty social person, so to hear the words “having friends scares me” really broke my heart. He’s leaving for college in less than a month. We have a sister who went to University of Michigan and graduated with a Masters in five years.  I think with a legacy like that, it would be criminal for Michigan not to let him in. He’s also told me that he wants to be a finance major, and possibly work at an accounting firm.

  Tonight he was worried about how he’ll act at Freshman Orientation, and wanted to know what it’s like. I told him that Freshman Orientation is even awkward for people without social issues, and to just get it over with. My friends I hang out with now, weren’t who I chilled with in the first few weeks. I think this helped him, but I still want him to be social during all the Freshman Traditions and things like that.

  The thing I’m most concerned about is someone taking advantage of him, sexually and academically. He’s smart and doesn’t really need to study. He’s a pretty cute kid, too. He’ll also be on the baseball team. I have to admit if my friends met a smart, cute, D1 athlete with minimal social skills, I’m certain they’d take it upon themselves to “socialize” him.

  Tonight my brother said that he read the bible (Even though we’re a Dr.’s family, we still grew up with a religious background.) and saw a verse about a blind man and a man who asked Jesus why. (I don’t know this story, so this is how it was presented to me; and I can’t find it in the Concordance.) In the story the man asked, “Why is this man blind? Is it because his parents sinned or has he done something to offend the Lord?” Clinton told me there wasn’t really a finite answer.

  I didn’t know what to say. Clinton was born after my parents split. Our parents went through the whole process during my mother’s pregnancy. Our parents have been divorced for eighteen years. I think it’s normal for any kid to place guilt on themselves during a divorce, but I think it’s even worse for Clint. He hasn’t said it, but I’m certain he thinks our mother having another child was the final straw.

  He told me tonight that he thinks he’s let everybody down and he’s worried the same thing will happen at college. Even though we’re barely a year apart, I think I’m still obligated to worry about him and his future. It’s clear he blames his Autism on himself and he really hates our dad for leaving our mom while she was pregnant. I just want him to do well, and to be happy where he’s going. I love my brother more than almost anything. We look out for each other, and we’re best friends. It’ll be hard having him all the way up in Michigan. I guess I can’t do anything but wish him luck, and hope that he’ll make some new friends.

  He makes some pretty good milkshakes, too. This pic makes me miss West. Haha.

  

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