As the new school year starts for my children, I get a rush of different emotions. I am happy because I know what a gift it is to have an education. I am excited because I think of all the new possibilities that my children will be given, new friends, great teachers, learning to read, the FUTURE... I am nervous because I will not be there to make sure that they are "okay". I am sitting with expectations knowing this is a whole new year of great things to come. I am having thoughts of fear that creep into my head but I am pushing those voices back. There is no need for them to come to surface. I am putting my energy into all the good that is to come.
My daughter is starting Kindergarten this year. She was so excited and nervous at the same time. Filled with hope and questions of the coming year. I shared with her how happy I was for her and this great new journey in her life. I told her how exciting it is that she will be reading. I cannot wait for the adventures she will be on when she starts reading her first books. I told her that these great people you meet now will be your life long friends. You will be doing so many fun filled things and I will be here standing in your corner everyday. My job now is to learn when to step in and when to sit back and let her figure it out on her own. She is the most amazing person I know!! She is filled with wisdom and has a great joy for learning.
My son started Pre-K today. He was excited kept talking about the fact that he has a new teacher this year. He was questioning me about who will be in his class. I saw his nerves show through even though he couldn't really express that he was feeling nervous. He was acting out with his usual behaviors. I felt the fear creeping in... This is an important year for him, for us... This will determine if he ends up in our district school for Kindergarten. I know it sounds silly to some but it is what I really hope for. We moved here for the great schools but also so my children could grow up with their cousins. I know they still get to grow up together but I have this vision of them all being in school together. I know it is important for him too. He heard his sister saying how excited she was that she was on the bus with her cousins. He of course responded with " I want to go on the big bus with them too!!" My heart sank a bit... I said "next year you will be". As the words came out of my mouth my thoughts were "please God I hope so". I am thinking how could I explain to him why he is not in this same school as his family. Well we have this whole school year to do what is necessary to make it happen for him.
Having a child with special needs brings in a whole other equation of thinking. I find that my thoughts are more detailed. I feel like if I don't think of everything and make sure it is all perfect something might go wrong. I was laying in bed with him last night talking about what would happen today. Just prepping him for the day. He started talking about "earning" a "super token" which is basically a reward for his good behavior. I felt panicked for a moment questioning "would the new teacher know about it". I of course emailed his teacher expressing that he spoke about the super token. I just wanted to make sure that he would have a good day. In case you haven't figured it out yet...YES!! I am a control freak. Its not the easiest way of being but I am learning to let go and have faith that it will work out. I will still do my part after all "God Helps those who help themselves". I will start to let go of the fear though...it doesn't help anyone. I will focus on what I have to do do get him what he needs to have a successful year.
This is what we do as parents...we walk the fine line of parenting and letting go. Isn't that what it is all about. Raising our children to hopefully be independent confident human beings. It is an art form of balance. One I am trying to figure out step by step. We learn by reflecting on what worked and what did not. We need to take the time to do that...reflect back and learn the lesson at hand. The lesson I am learning now is that I have to just breathe... His teacher emailed me back saying she spoke all about his behavior plan with his other teacher. I am learning to trust the process and be balanced. I pray that God blesses all of our children with a successful school year.
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