Monday, 30 July 2012
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Why I Don't Discuss Autism A Lot
People often wonder why I don't discuss autism a lot. Or, they say I don't have autism, but I might have Asperger's or am faking it. Well, let me tell you something, you faker claimers: you don't know me.
You don't know that I got a diagnosis from UCLA, meaning Dr. Ritvo and B.J. Freeman. You don't know that I finally understood words when I was 8 or 9 years old. You don't know that I am 4 in my first memories. You don't know the struggles to maintain eye contact, or the bullying I endured until I graduated high school. You don't know the abuse I endured from my sisters, or the pain of losing my father when he was 54. You don't even know that my own father was among the faker claimers. He never accepted that I had autism, or that you could get back as much as I did growing up. Besides, I don't discuss autism a lot because those who read my blog posts probably already have a good idea what autism is - they or someone they know have it. Why discuss the drivel of autism when I can discuss my perspective on it?
Honestly, I know I am different. I know that there are a lot of things I am not good at. But now, I am losing my savanthood, the one thing I could bring to the table that people could enjoy. Honestly, I feel kind of dumb without my savanthood, but my mother praises it. It's kind of like I'm losing my smarts while becoming more sociable. It scares me. I used to be able to spell difficult words with ease. Now I have to look it up. I used to be able to remember anything I was told. Now, not so much. Will I lose my other basic faculties?Of course, there is a very big reason my mother gave to me as to why I don't discuss autism too much: I am living a full and busy life. I stay home and take care of my aging mother full time, as well as go to my appointments, go grocery shopping, go to my therapy group, do the laundry, do household chores...I get the picture. I am a busy individual. It's not that sad of a reason, I think. It's because these things have to get done. I want a clean house and a good life, as much as I can get. So, how do you get a good life? By getting busy. At least someone as high functioning as me can get one. It's pretty boring when you go to a mall all day and can't buy anything. It's a good thing I've got a home and mother to take care of. It gives me a purpose. And a purpose can give you a pretty good reason not to dwell in autism.
Come back soon; my next topic: the Olympics!
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About the Author
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- From: Cambria
- Name: Cambria
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- About Me: I am a woman with Autism. I am running a blog which will give a unique perspective: from the inside of Autism.
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Comments (2)
I've never had really exceptional savant abilities, but the ones I have I would definitely not want to lose. The idea of having to forget how to do calculus in order to finally fall in love... what a Sophie's Choice that would be.
But it seems to me that this shouldn't really be the choice we have to make. Clearly there exist people who are very good at math and also highly sociable---look at Richard Feynman.
Or you may lose the really exceptional abilities like remembering pi to 400 digits or whatever, but who really needs that anyway? (Actually I can't do that; I only go as far as 24 digits.) The reason I use calculus as an example is that it really is important, particularly on the scientific career path I want to be on. Losing that would mean I might need to replan my whole life. But could I lose a few IQ points to make myself more sociable, and hence happier? It'd probably be worth it. I certainly would rather remember people's names better than remember more digits of pi. I could forget how to spell "sesquipedalian" or "methylenedeoxy-methamphetamine" without any particular damage to my life or my career. (If I lost how to spell more common words like "frequent" or "concern", that might be a bigger problem.)
It raises the parable of Socrates unsatisfied versus a pig satisfied. But perhaps these aren't really our choices; maybe we can be Feynman satisfied?
My skill if you will, is typing. I type quite well, 135wpm using only 4-fingers with no errors, even on 10-page reports. I never learned to type the right way and I guess for the line of work I was involved in, data-entry, it was notta problem.
But because I worked for the government they knew right off that something wasn't right with me, so I was designated a special manager, just for me, and she - well - she took care of a lotta things I guess a Mom would for her kid.
Nothing if anything to do with work, more of building my confidence, making me feel safe and secure while I worked there, making sure I was dressed properly for work, help me when I couldn't communicate my thoughts properly, to pull me from the group I worked around when I had emotional breakdowns, and discipline me, usually a few hard swats on my bottom, if I did something socially inappropriate.
I signed a contract on my first day of work called, "The Nancy Principle" which at the top said, "A Proposal For Savant Employees" and I'm pretty sure she was saying I had autism.
It is that same company today that pays me not to work.