Friday, 06 July 2012
It's funny, I find it easier for people to accept children on the spectrum then for them to accept an adult. The younger they are, the more passionate we are. A 29 year old man can't possibly be on the spectrum , he's just an aloof a-hole with anger problems.
Today I had an emotional breakdown. I am tired, I am fighting a battle for my son and now trying to fight it for my husband as well. But as I said, my sons problems are acceptable, but to most my husbands are not. I met my husband and fell in love with a handsome boy who loved Star Wars and wrestling, we had fun, he had no friends, but that was ok because we had each other. His family told me horror stories of how he behaved as a child, he was pulling his hair out at 3, he was diagnosed with ADD, the psychologists had no idea in 1987 what was wrong with him. He was intelligent, but he couldn't make friends, he was bullied. He grew up and all the pent up pain came out in anger and he was unable to control it. By the time I met him he was over beating people up, but he still didn't have many friends. He hid his insecurities by lying about how awesome he was.
After he lost the first job when I was 6 months pregnant, it all went down hill......I think he lost 7 jobs in 4 years. All because of his inability to handle his anxiety and work and comprehend direction under pressure. He is a restaurant manager, people yell at him all day, kitchens fall apart, things get stressful and there are times he can not handle everything going on around him and then he either lashes out or shuts down. If I could switch places and work for him I would, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't make enough to keep us alive with my 2 year degree. Everything to my husband is black and white, you cant change his mind, you cant reason with him because his logic is always right. Truth is he has good logic, but he doesn't understand sometimes his logic can hurt the feeling of others. His logic says....people walk for Autism and give money to research so I'm going to RUN 15 miles and ask for donations and its the same thing because a family (us) is using it to save for hyperbaric treatments. I told him that's not ok, people get offended.....he says logically its the same thing, he is running, if they give money, they do, if they don't they don't.
And offend some people he did (he posted his running idea on Facebook), and then I lost my mind. I lost all emotional control, no matter how many times I explain my husband, no one understands. People think my husband looses his jobs because he's purposely careless or doesn't care, they think he's arrogant because he doesn't talk much and is always fidgeting with his blackberry in social situations, they think he is self centered because he gets stuck on topics he likes, they think he doesn't love me because he's not openly affectionate in public, they think he is stubborn because he sees things in black and white, they think hes obsessive because he needs to have the utensils facing a certain way after being washed and bills payed in a certain order. But behind closed doors, I'm married to a man that wants more then anything to have a great job so he can buy me sparkly things and soap making supplies, he hugs and kisses me and the kids, he tells me what he is feeling, I talk to him about things he likes and I listen and then I try to like them too, he is painfully shy and insecure and puts up a jerk front and to keep him happy I always point the forks up when they are drying :)
There has to be more awareness for the grownups on the spectrum, people easily forget these cute kids grow up to be adults. Unfortunately, some fly under the radar, especially when there was no diagnosis for things like Aspergers in the past. I thank those in my family that are beginning to understand, I thank you for your help and your kindness and helping us get through this.