Friday, 15 June 2012

• Confessions of a Special Needs Father

  
  

  I’ve been a special needs parent for longer than some people and short than others. Sometimes I miss my old “normal”  life. I miss things being simple,  at least comparatively speaking, to the way they are now.

  I miss having friends.  I miss having a career and brotherhood of the fire department.

  I miss being financially secure and the ability to plan for my future without having to worry about making sure we don’t lose insurance coverage for the kids. I miss not knowing what half of the medical conditions we deal with every day now,  are. 

  I miss being able to pick up and go camping or going to work out,  without having to worry about anything.

  I miss having hair and being in shape,  both of which have long since run away due to the constant stress. I miss seeing my family and being able to did things together. I miss getting up in the morning and not knowing what the day was going to bring me. 

  Being a special needs parents x3 is easily one if the most difficult things I have ever attempted to do in my life.

  It’s like having 3 full time jobs,  all at the same time.  The hours suck and the pay is terrible.  The stress of everything has my BP to high and I don’t sleep well,  ever. There are no promotions and no pay raises or retirement benefits.

  However,  the rewards are many.  These rewards hold no cash value and won’t pay the mortgage. I can’t trade them in for airline tickets or free gas for my car.

  At the same time,  these rewards are priceless.  My appreciation for life is immense and I get to realize just how important thelittle things are. I get to experience truly unconditional love and acceptance.  I also get to see the world in a very different way than many other people ever will.

  When it comes down to it,  while I do miss many things from my past,  I would never change one moment from my past for any of my present and future moments.

  It’s human to miss the things that have long since come and gone. So I feel no guilt for the things that I miss.  I chose to embrace these feelings so that I control them,  instead of the other way around.

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