Outwardly I am hapy and fluffy and all is well. On here I don't have to be, so I'll admit I'm not handling the reality of two disabled children very well. Probably hasn't been the most favourable time to run out of mental tablets, but there goes.
I'll cope, of course I will. I always do. I'm used to it. Just indulge me a small amount of self pity for a time because, just once, something should have really gone my way and the cosmos could have cut me a break. Just once.
Not making anything of myself and being a failure and being a shit human being and not having proper relationships and just generally being wholly and indescribedly shit, I can handle that. Just once would have been nice for it to be the Disney ending.
Because it isn't fair. I can't even guarantee how long I'll be about and mobile can I? What's going to happen to them?
And no, it doesn't mean that I resent my kids, which I don't, or that I'm a hateful person (which I am) but for fuck's sake. Cut me some slack. Just the once.