Monday, 28 May 2012
When you have special needs children , you don't take things for granted the same way other people might. I don't assume my kids will walk and talk on time. It's always a huge relief when they do. I watch all the kids move through their developmental milestones and I check them off my list. Like a constant imaginary check list only I can see.
eye contact ...ehhh check
play skills .. yup check
responds to name... check
I still watch with an over critical eye. Nate has some weird things he likes to do. I worry I am missing something. he will screech for no reason and then go back to playing. He will verbally stim on silly words and get stuck on other words or sounds and just repeat them. I find him lining up stuff and he can be so very rigid in his thinking. He has sensory issues and hates socks just like Sammy too.
It could be personality. He is a headstrong little guy. He is too social for me to really worry. He warms up slowly but once he is comfortable - watch out! I am so scared I am going to miss something. How much is just what he has learned from Sammy? How much is just adaptive behavior to deal with the chaos that Sammy brings to our house? How much is an issue?
What if I miss it again?
I watch Grace and I go through the same list. What if I am wrong? Again.
The upswing to this is that every single milestone seems so huge. I am aware and focused on them. I enjoy watching the children work to acquire the new skills. It's like every day is Christmas here. I don't know if I would ever have thought this way without Sammy and his issues. How can someone feel so happy and so sad at the same time? Nothing in life is ever just sweet anymore though. There is always a bitter edge to any accomplishment.
I have been watching Nate slowly pass Sammy and that is getting difficult. Sammy can see some of it and he is frustrated too. Sam works so hard, it's just easier for Nate. What is going to happen when Grace passes Sammy too?
Until we get there I won't worry too much. I will just try to relax and enjoy where we are. I don't assume tomorrow brings anything, but I am always hopeful.