Tuesday, 17 April 2012
When do we see our children’s lives as being “Good Enough”? When do we stop pushing them? When are we okay with letting go, and learn from outcomes? When do we accept their lives as being different than we thought or wanted? When do we realize that we as parents are here to support, teach, guide and love our children for who they are and how they live?
These answers hit me like a ton of bricks just a few weeks ago when my son, Brandon celebrated his thirty-ninth birthday. Brandon has been making good progress over the years, but this year was very different. He was able to tell me he needed. And that he wanted me to move back and give him more space. Well, that was the essence of the conversation, although he did not say it so nicely. That is one of Brandon’s areas, where he has the most difficulty with. Conquering how to ask for what he wants and say to it in a kind manner.
Of course, I know he never means to be mean.Often what he says, sounds rude or nasty. This time I got what he was saying loud and clear. It touched my heart. After all these years it is finally time to have even more space between us. It is beautiful. It's what we have been diligently working towards for the past thirty-nine years and it is finally here. I want to be honest, when it happened I cried with joyful and elated tears while at the same time I was crying with tears of sadness from what appears to be a huge piece to the final separation.
Over the past several weeks, Brandon vacillated back and forth with his decision to become more independent, but I know that this too is a process. He takes two steps forward and one step backwards. However, at least we are now on the same page; helping Brandon to have the space he needs to grow and develop even more.
I could not be happier, to see my son want to be more on his own. I honor his decision, timing, and I support him with love. When I hung up the phone with Brandon the words “Good Enough” screamed out to me.
Finally, after all these years, I am able to come to terms with my son’s life being “Good Enough”. A matter of fact, the term “Good Enough” I now use in all facets of my life. I am no longer seeking perfection, instead I know when something is “Good Enough” and I am able to move along quicker and be happier in my life and take more risks. I am no longer seeking the dreadful word of perfection. This has been a real eye opener and has released me from what holds most of us back from taking risks and really living our lives to the fullest. I am even more willing to play and be silly and treat life as a joyful journey not treating all that I do with the dreaded perfection, which seems to often also create fear.
I feel free and I see that is exactly what my son, Brandon wants. Freedom is what we all want and deserve. So, if you ever get stuck being a perfectionist remember to replace perfection with “Good Enough,” it is sure to change your outlook and release you from anxiety and bring you great pleasure.