Monday, 30 May 2011

• ‘You never really realize what you’re missing, until you’re missing it.’

  

  ‘You never really realize what you’re missing, until you’re missing it.’

  I split time with my daughters’ father. And it is one of the hardest things for me to do. It has been this way for three (going on four) years now. It has not gotten any easier. In fact, it’s gotten worse.

  As she’s gained a sense of awareness, she’s also gained a way of showing affection. A way of showing who she wants to be with. A way of showing her happiness.

  Yesterday, I dropped her off at Grammy’s house in the late afternoon (soaking up as much time with her as I possibly could.) Grammy watches her before and after school, and is a God send for both of us. I had all I could do to pry myself away from her. And she obviously did not want me to go.

  I kneeled down to her, gave her several hugs and kisses, and let her know that I love her very much. Grammy kept her occupied as I left.

  Every step I took down the driveway towards the Jeep was heavier than the previous. Every breath I took felt like it was going to make my heart burst into a million pieces. Every thought was on Mia, and how she would handle this today. (Yes, this is my routine everyday that I can not be with her.)

  On the verge of tears, I start the Jeep and head down the driveway. I look in the windows as I go by, and catch the sight of my little angel standing in the window watching me leave. I instantly call Grammy, to find out how she reacted. And, for the most part, she did just fine.

  This is probably the hardest thing that I have to do in my life. My world revolves around this perfect being, and I am lost when I do not have her. I feel horrible, hopeless, and terrible every time I have to leave her side.

  Though the separation is tough, our reunions are always just as overwhelming. Even if she’s just rounded the corner in our own house doing one of her usual running laps, and catching sight of me again. The smiles, the hugs and kisses, the jumping up and down for joy. Perfect and loving moments that I can not get enough of.

  The moral of my post it simply this. No matter how much or little you have your children. No matter what their capabilities are. No matter how irritated and crazy they make you over the course of a day. ENJOY ALL OF YOUR TIME WITH THEM. Praise them for every milestone, no matter how big or small. Tell them how much you love them every single day. Tell them that they are handsome, pretty, smart, and funny. Fill them with as much love and support as you can, because that’s what every kid deserves. Even if you are apart from them for some amount of time.

  Now, please excuse me while I get ready to make a very important phone call. Mia needs to hear that I still love her today, even though she won’t be home tonight. And I need to hear her happy chuckle in response.

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