Thursday, 19 May 2011
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A troubled Teen Autistic Son..
He just turned 13. We started taking him off the Abilify, He has taken it for 7 years. This year I notice he is not sweet and innocent anymore. He asks about sex all the time. He even asked if he could practice having sex with me. (in his autistic mind, he thinks its ok because I love and care about him, he doesnt understand incest) But he understands incest now.
He is very high functioning..I think this makes him more dangerous..First he learned how to tell lies, manipulate and negotiate.
He sees an army of doctors and therapist..quite a team. I always disciplined accordingly. I have taken parenting classes and workshops on ABA, I had training at Easter Seals...I read every book I could get my hands on. I researched until everything was repeating itself. Went to parenting groups ect.
He talks, he is smart, his obsessions could turn into a meaningful career. He breeds butterflies every year, he has this amazing insect collection. He's a really intelligent when it comes to things he is interested in. Some people think he might a savant. I do not.
I know everyones answer will be put him back on Abilify, maybe an even higher dose then the 7mg. we had him on at one time. Recently he had almost $2000 worth of testing done by pschologist and his I.Q. is average..But could of been higher. He had alot of answers correct but didnt get credit for because they were timed and he processes information slow...And part of the reason is because of the Abilify.
Abilify is not the safest best drug out there..None of the Atypical anti-psychotics are. And he has gained a significant amount of weight and his body was becoming stiff..
I think its time to start thinking about residential placement for him. He needs the structure and constant therapy. It's very expensive tho. 30k a year. They have volunteer programs..So I could do that and see him more frequently. Today I am gonna start looking into different financial options.
He has been stealing, lying, hurting his little brother physically and emotionally, Threatens his own life and threatens me and my mom. He is almost stronger than me and is the same height. He is only 13 and wears a size 11 shoe in mens..He is gonna be big soon. He shoves me sometimes when hes mad.
I have tried positive reinforcement and consequences for his behavior..Nothing works..I think its time for a structured environment.
I also think his little brother doesnt stand a chance in this environment with his older brother saying and doing the things he does..
His diagnosis goes beyond Autism..The testing shows Oppositional defiant disorder, OCD and ADD along with the Autism.
The other day he was pissed about his consequences and he kept yelling and screaming me demanding that I change them. I told him no and to leave my room. He wouldn't leave. I couldn't get him to leave at first. It was kind of scary. I tried to walk him out by holding his arm. I could not get him to move. Because he is that strong. So then finally he went to get something and left. I shut my door and locked it. It made him more angry..He was pounding on my door, screaming and then started saying stuff that wasnt true. He told me he was going to get in trouble and lose his job..?? He started talking non-sense in a hostile manner. For a minute..He seemed psychotic..And enraged. The combination was scary. I honestly think one day soon he will lose it and beat the shit out of me. I have always thought this. I opened my door gave him 2.5 mg of Abilify like the neurologist told me to do in the event of a meltdown...
I just listened to him yelling at me until the meds kicked in.
For some reason though, he is able to hold it together at school..they don't see this behavior. although its starting. Even though he has these problems he has alot of friends. everybody knows him in the community and loves him. But recently the neighbor boy Mario pissed my son off..He told his 8th grade friend, and this other kid punched Mario in the face for my son.
And he always tells Chuck he is going to have his friends beat him up. And one time Chuck called here and my son, answered and yelled "jerk!" and then hung up on him..I couldn't believe it. So Socially outside of home his behavior is worsening. He even stole some guys wallet at the park a couple of weeks ago.
*Sigh*
I lost control of myself yesterday..With the stealing and lying...And his lies are getting more and more elaborate. I took a Valium and too much Ativan apparently cause afterwards I felt really sick : ( I know..No more mixing tranq's I stick to the same brand.
I know my family will be against me putting him in a structured living place..But its not their decision. His father and I already discussed and agree. This could possibly be the hardest thing I will ever do...
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About the Author
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- From: UltraViolet847@xanga
- About Me: ~Mostly Cloudy~ I'm skilled at the art of blending in, I'm pretty level-headed and at least as sane as the next girl. Not always easy to understand, but quite easy to be with. Intense with a laid-back demeanor.Can be charming or reserved, or both.
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Comments (13)
I can't imagine your pain. It wouldn't be wrong to put him in a structured living environment; hopefully, it could be a blessing to him. You could see what kind of in-home care you could get, too. And as for your family, if they give you too much trouble, take a week's vacation and have them stay with your son. You're not being a bad mother by thinking these things; you're protecting your son and yourself.
@Katja88@xanga - Thanks for your input..Now his father is back peddling and saying we should just medicate him more...grrr
I'm sure it's not easy for you. My son has Asperger's, Wilson's Disease, and Long Qt Syndrome. He issues are more physical than mental and emotional. My son has never been medicated for the Asperger's which I understand is quite different than autism. He takes enough medication since the discovery of Wilson's Disease and Long QT Syndrome. Of course his father doesn't want to do a placement for him...probably thinks that would mean he was a bad parent. Last week we went to a behavioral neurology assessment for my son and there was a good sized young man with autism and tremendous fears of going into the doctors office.There were 3 adults with him. I could see that the three of them were challenged to control him. You're obviously overwhelmed. I assume that you've tried everything available for medications. I'm sure that puberty intensifys the symptoms as well. Though he doesn't get physical, my just-turned 14 year old son is crabby and snappy with me. No doubt the worst behavior's usually at home with Moms. Sounds like you've done all you can. All you can do is give him love and support and if you have to do a placement...that's what you have to do.
You are in my prayers. I have walked in your shoes, to a degree. My oldest son was 14 yrs old when the aggression intensified to the point where we had him put in a 'place to help autistic male teens' learn to deal with their aggressiveness. He was there for the 7 longest weeks of my life. I can tell you, everyday I regret making that decision. My son did learn more aggression. I never had any problems transporting my son. Riding in a vehicle was always so calming for him. After bringing my son home from Meadowview, we saw a drastic change, for the worse, which I did not think was possible. While driving down the road, my son, out of nowhere, brought his left arm with fist into my right eye while I was driving. He had picked this up from the other residents and workers. While on their afternoon outings to McDonald's, the residents would fight the workers while in the van. Be seeing this (imitation), fighting in a vehicle became second nature to him. Now, you need someone with you while he is in the vehicle. To make a long story short, what helped us the most was a very good worker. At the time, my son was 6 ft, 300 lb. Needless to say, the worker was compassionate, consistent, and strong. It took many months before the battles decreased to just a few per day. Prayer, time and consistency (and showing no fear) will help you on this leg of your journey. This was 9 years ago. I live each day with regret for making such a horrible decision. But I did as the professionals suggested.
@hangnn - Living with regret is hard, and it sounds like your life is hard enuf without adding in the regret. Maybe that was a bad decision, and the consequences that you've seen may have all been bad. Maybe it's helped you learn or grow patience or be a testimony to those around you -- and maybe some day those will bear great fruit. I'm not great with words so pardon me if I don't sound as encouraging as I mean to be. I wish that you could forgive yourself and the doctors you listened to. I wish that some day you might see some real fruit come from even this seemingly bad experience. In my life I've seen tough times when I've thought nothing good could ever come from this, yet with faithfulness, diligence, and a good bit of grace from above, I've seen things that I never expected or even believed possible. I wish the same for you.
in my prayers.
I can't imagine what you're going through as a mother. But I can relate to how your other child is feeling, and I know that he is probably hurting a lot.
I think you've done most of what you can do. I don't think it would hurt to try a facility, especially if you don't feel safe around him or you feel he is threatening to other family members and peers.
Ok, so first of all, what kind of parent are you?
You're saying that you're following the rules that the psycho-therapist has set down, but if thats not your true parenting style, and he knows that, its never going to work. You are sending your SON into an institution? I mean come on lady, he is a boy with special needs, not some mental case whose only goal in life is to hurt you. If you really care about your son you would understand that his condition makes him act the way he is, and usually, 13 year old boys are experiencing puberty, lying (boundry testing), and stealing. They are just looking to see how much they can get away with. And you punish them accordingly, not send them to an institution so you don't have to deal with them.
Now, I understand, every Autism case is different. But you NEED to understand that he is your son above all else. Please do not take htis as a personal attack on you, I'm just offering what I can, since I've had an experience working with Severe Special Needs children. I am sorry if any of this has offended you at all.
Please be VERY careful if you send your son to a residential treatment center. (Also called therapeutic boarding schools, structured facilities, etc). I'd also be wary of any psychiatrist diagnosing 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder' because it is a VERY controversial diagnosis that many, many young teens fit the criteria for, when they are just your average, boundary testing kid. I spent 14 months in a center like that, and it was awful. It set me back emotionally and my social skills are even worse now than they were beforehand. Please seriously consider partial programs, or home treatment programs. A lot of residential centers get away with emotional abuse, restrict contact with the family, and other things that are really detrimental in the long run. If he has a major, major issue, maybe take him to a short term acute unit.. but if he is anything like I was, putting him in a strange environment with people who do questionable things, it may very well make him worse.. I know that when I got out of the center, I was self injuring severely and I ended up being so screwed academically that I was held back.. I eventually dropped out because I couldn't handle people and the teachers couldn't understand my NLD and the fact that I cannot process information to take notes like most people. I'm really sorry to ramble like this, but I really think that any sort of longer term placement (say, over two months), should be very carefully checked out. If they do not let you visit, restrict contact, etc, it's often a sign that there is something else going on.. and if they tell you that reports of staff abuse is kids trying to manipulate out of the program, that's an even bigger red flag. Just please be careful.. I understand that you are at the end of your rope, but these centers often don't change much, and really can make things worse..
@hangnn - Thanks for sharing..That is a very difficult situation. I am sorry to hear not only did things not work our but actually got worse..That is terrible. I will observe the program first before I make any decisions..I have had this fear of that happening to him in his special ed classes..Out here they mix the kids and it has some pro's and con's and sometimes he picks up the other kids "bad" behavior an swearing an such.
@iguessthisisforever@xanga - @Reefer_Puffs@xanga -
Thanks for the feed back. No I am not offended..I am looking at it from all angles. I know there are some "places" that are not good at all..And there are some places that are really good. First of all we are talking about a boy who has always had problems with aggression hence why he was on Abilify for 7 years!!! I dont want anyone else raising my kid..It is not like that at all..And if I do place him in a residential place I will volunteer there also so I can spend as much time with him as possible@Reefer_Puffs@xanga - "Ok, so first of all, what kind of parent are you?" What kind of parent are you??? "send them to an institution so you don't have to deal with them." I dont think you understood much of what I wrote..Well anyways thats not what I am doing. What kind of parent would I be if he beats the crap out of me because his aggression gets so out of control?? or his little brother?? There is alot more..Thanks for sharing your opinion : )
@UltraViolet847@xanga - I bet that Reefer_Puffs wants you to treat your younger son as a toy for your older son to use when "he can't help it," instead of treating your younger son as a human being. Like in http://www.autisable.com/733640825/the-desire-for-more-interaction/ where thekingandeye reacts to her daughter getting beaten on the head with "can I just screech for joy at the fact that he is looking to interact with her?" instead of treating her daughter as a human being.
People are people and getting hit hurts no matter if the hitter is a NT who means it or an aspie who doesn't mean it or a falling inanimate object.
Though medication can be one solution for such problems, you can also learn more information about troubled teens. I know it is quite hard to face the situation you are in, but all you got to do is be patient and study the situation well.