Thursday, 19 May 2011
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Backseat driving
I’ve talked before about my son’s backseat driving in the car. Well, things are about to go to a whole new level.
Kai has discovered the speedometer.
My intrepid wife is usually the one who drives our son to his various therapies, karate class, swim lesson, and doctor visits. The drive from his swim lesson to karate class is particularly tough because the time in between is short. Since Kai always has anxiety about being late, this drive can bring out the worst of his backseat driving.
This week was not any different. Fearing that he would be late to karate, Kai implored Mom to drive faster. My wife pointed out the speed limit sign and told Kai that she could not go faster because you have to obey the speed limit rules.
Now, my son is a stickler for rules. I think that many kids with autism see things in black and white, which, when it comes to sticking to the rules, is generally a good thing. He knows that he will be held to the rules, and expects others to as well. He sometimes will talk about another child at school who did not obey a rule and received a time out. At home, if I raise my voice, he will tell me that I am breaking the rule about not shouting.
So, on this occasion in the car, he seemed satisfied with having to obey the speed limit and was quiet for the rest of the drive to karate class.
On the way home, while driving along the same road as before, Kai spoke up. “Mom, you’re going too fast. The speed limit is 35 and you are going 40.” Uh, oh.
Busted.
Again.
We want our son to obey rules. So, how do we explain about speed limits?
“Well, I know the sign says the limit is 55, but that means that you can go 60.” “I know you are supposed to obey all rules, but it is okay to not obey this one.”
Nah, I’m even having trouble with that one.
So, it looks like we will be driving a little slower from now on. I guess I will have to get more comfortable in the right lane of the interstate highways.
But, what I want to know is, how can I put a dimmer on the speedometer?
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About the Author
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- From: HanabiBoy
- Name: HanabiBoy
- Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States
- About Me: I am dad to Kai, my dynamic seven year old son who has autism. You can read more about our experiences at http://hanabiboy.blogspot.com/
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Comments (3)
If you would like to read more about our experiences, please visit my blog:
http://hanabiboy.blogspot.com/Thanks!
I have serious problems with people who are late and get very upset when I am late - very, very upset.
Rules are not made to be broken, but there must be a degree of flexibility, you could get stuck behind a slow movingvehicle if you can't accelerate to a speed that allows you to pass it.
He might be a little young for this, but maybe you could try having a
talk with him & explain how there are different kinds of rules, and
some rules are never allowed to be broken (like hurting people) but there is a very short list of
rules that are decided by the adults following them--there's a "grey" area,
people have to do what is best for themselves. You could ask him how
fast the other grownups were driving, (ex: was everyone on the road driving
exactly 55? "Probably not" --will hopefully be his answer) By emphasizing the grown-up part, you may be able to avoid potential abuses of this exercise ("but my bed time is a 'grey' rule, Dad!")
To make it
more engaging, you could draw pictures---ask him to draw a picture of something that is definitely not allowed, color it in black or white (representing white or wrong), something that is allowed, then ask him to think of another rule that might also be decided by whether other people are following it. Once he thinks of it, have him color it in "grey"--to check for understanding
Hope this helps!