I'm finding it hard to think of a way to introduce this, because it's such an important topic to get right. How is Asperger Syndrome (or any other autistic spectrum disorder for that matter) possibly going to lead to Depression ? Are there any genetics that would explain the link ?
I'm not going to talk about genetics, or environmental factors, or anything scientific. I'm going to go right ahead and talk about...me. That makes me sound very obnoxious but I am trying to make a point here, so I'm going to tell my story - of depression and constant absence from school.
5 years ago I started feeling different to everybody else. I acted in an almost completely different way to my very few friends, of whom I only ever saw at school - no sleep overs like anybody else...but friends they were friends nevertheless. School became a trauma for me. I'd lock myself in the toilet the night before school and beg my dad not to make me go, and often I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I would just lie there in bed: crying.
About 4 years ago I started feeling very sad and depressed. Why am I so different ? Am I a wizard like in Harry Potter ? Will someone tell me that it's all a joke and everything really is OK ? Sometimes I really would hope, but it never happened. I never met Albus Dumbledore, Professor McGongonagall or Hagrid. So I had to carry on - carry on living in a lonely and strange world, with nobody for me to relate to. It was me...against the world.
I remember one night, locking myself in the bathroom, and in my desperation having to resort to self injury. I had done it before but had never been so conscious of what I was doing. It was school the next day, I hadn't done the homework, what do I do ? There's nothing. You will have to go in and 'bite the bullet' so to speak. This realization made the urge to hurt myself so much stronger. I was sad to leave my primary school (RPS for legal reasons), but very excited to go to secondary school. Year 7. I whole new era. I was going to the top school in the county, a technology college. Nothing could be better. I knew so many people that had failed the test to enter the school and I had passed. I felt
so proud.
My time at CTC didn't last. By the end of year 8 I was at another school. I just couldn't keep up with everything. The uniform was uncomfortable; getting a seat in the cafeteria was so much of a trauma I didn't go to breakfast or lunch at school for 6 months; nobody liked me; I couldn't make any friends; nothing was working. I just had to go, and start at another school. CTC didn't feel right to me.
For the first couple of weeks, at my new secondary school, everything felt perfect. It didn't take long for me to get put into the high level section of school for all of my lessons - my targets all went up to level 6 and 7 (equivalent to a grade B and A). Things were going great.
For some reason, though, people started to try avoiding me (and eventually they started bullying me). To them I was just some annoying, hyperactive, geeky weirdo. I don't want to go into too much detail or the length of this post would just be ridiculous.
Eventually (around 3 years ago) I started feeling very depressed, and suicidal. I had to find an online support group for people with depression to find some help, nobody else seemed to understand me like my friends online did. They all urged me to see a doctor - over and over again, so eventually I did. This led to a diagnoses of Depression. It took about 2 months to get the diagnoses and when I did I started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (changing the thought process). After 6 months of therapy, my mood had not improved - so I went onto medication.
The medication didn't help either, and after a suicide attempt I was admitted to a mental hospital for a few weeks. While I was in hospital...they increased my medication. This time it really has helped. I feel so much better.
The help came too late, though. It's nobody's fault. But my arms, legs and shoulders are covered in scars from the self injury of which took place while I was
severely depressed.
In Semptember of 2009, my sister mentioned Asperger Syndrome to me. Her friend runs a charity for the families of someone who has a relative with Asperger Syndrome, and she herself has a son with Asperger Syndrome. N (for legal reasons - my sister) noticed the symptoms in me and gave me a book entitled 'Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome'. Reading this I really could relate and I saw a lot of things of which applied to me. A few weeks later...I got diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome.
Since the diagnoses things have improved drastically. It may be too late for me, because a lot of my education has been lost, but it is vital that Autistic Spectrum Disorders are diagnosed at a young age. If not there are a large amount of complications that can arise. Personally for me:
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My arms and legs will be scarred forever<li>
I have no social life and no friends<li>
I have suffered with a lot of sensory issues without knowing what was wrong<li>
I attempted suicide and could have been successful<li>
I missed one year of school, and am only just in education nowI hope, for many children worldwide in the future, Asperger Syndrome becomes a more widely noticed condition. Not having the right diagnoses can cause a lot of trauma and sometimes irreversible damage.
Maybe I was unfortunate...but I have heard of other cases similar to this. This post is very poorly written, and I apologize for that. I'm not even 100% sure of it's purpose.
Is there a link between depression and Asperger Syndrome ? I think so...
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Comments (4)
I don't think there's a link persay indicating that people diagnosed with aspergers are going to automatically face depression. I think depression is but a mere consequence of events that occur. Most people face depression at some point in their life or another, and you don't have to be considered an "aspie" to have even severe depression.
I think that you are a very brave young man for facing all of this head on and I admire your strength in being willing to give therapy a chance before you moved onto medication. Just try to remember, that being a young adult is not easy for anyone, whether or not they have been diagnosed with any sort of depression or Asperger's etc. It is probably the most challenging time in anyone's life and almost all young people struggle with many challenges in their lives no matter how many "friends" they may or may not have. I am the mother of a pre-adolescent son who was diagnosed with Asperger's at a very young age and I am going to try to do everything possible to help him as he enters adolescence and beyond no matter what that should involve. So please remember that there are people out there that love you and no matter how hard things may seem right now, you will survive and you will get through it and someday you will have the happy, normal life that you deserve. You are obviously a very bright young man and the world could use your skills, so please never give up on yourself and don't us of your talents.
My son was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9 and within the last year we learned he has 2 serious health issues. It's important to stay strong in the best way you know how. It is easier to make friends on the internet because people there don't see every aspect of you and are less judgemental. Hopefully, you'll make friends with a couple of people with more maturity than those people you met in school. There is a purpose to your story and I know you think it was poorly written but it isn't and perfection is not the most important thing in life. It's about you and what you've gone through. I'm glad your sister gave you the book and the chance to learn about Asperger's. Everybody with Asperger's are individuals just like all of us. We all have differences. There is definitely a link between Asperger's and depression though not all people with Asperger's have depression. My son has Asperger's, Wilson's Disease and Long Qt syndrome. When he talks, sometimes a few words stick here and there. He didn't learn to ride a bike until he was 9 and when he runs, he leans forward a little and runs a little bit awkwardly. He doesn't have many friends but he doesn't dwell on that. I guess he's lucky because he's still alive and getting better each day. I don't know if you have a pet to share your love with but it helps a bit. I hope things get better for you. I hope you have some positive experiences soon!
Nick's mom
Depression is a medical condition that may well respond to medication - personally I found Prozac useful but Amitriptaline a disaster. Including bi-polar conditions around 10% of adults will have a depressive condition lasting several months - obviously there are variations - some of these adults will have AS (I know several) but most will not. Whether there is a link between Aspergers and depression I don't know, but if someone with Aspergers has a tendency to depression they will certainly encounter plenty of triggers to bring it on.
Buddy up with someone who will check up on your mental state - you might want them to keep an eye on your meds too.