When I was younger, I often heard the words, “You can’t…” These words can crush a child’s self-esteem to the point where they believe them. Not for me. In fact, hearing those words did the opposite: I worked my hardest to prove people wrong—that I could do it.
As women, we all wear many hats and all of those in our personal collection are a bit different. Mine are Wife, Mother, Student, Writer, Author, Self-Employer and Household Engineer (It just sounds classier that way!). Of course there are several Sub-Hats I wear under each of those categories but the most important one, for me, is mothering my exceptional kids. Whatever I do in my life I do because I want them to believe “I can”. Every day, they face something that makes them question that belief but I always tell them, “If you’re trying, you’re doing.” That’s become my theme phrase.
Of course, we have to be realistic too. With my determined “I can” attitude, I often put myself in the position of filling my plate so high I can’t get through it. So the key is to find that healthy balance among all the hats we wear so none of them will get too tight.
Here’s what I’ve learned to do:
Prioritize. Prioritizing is much more than just putting things in order. It’s understanding which of your hats requires most of your focus and placing everything else behind them. In my life, my kids and their needs are number one. If their needs aren’t being met, they get out of sorts and everything else falls apart—then I can’t get to the other stuff anyway. Of course, priorities change as time goes on so just check in with yourself every so often to be sure you’re on the right path.
Knowing limits. The main lesson I learned over 2009 was that I couldn’t take on millions of new projects expecting to give them all the best of my ability. It’s difficult trying to give 100% to everything you’ve got going. What happens is that not only do you end up producing poor quality work you wear yourself out. Know what your limits are and only take on what you can put your heart into at that time. Sometimes I can tackle many things, other times maybe only one. Understanding this eased a great deal of my stress.
Balance. In some ways, I’m so fortunate to be able to work at home. I can start and stop a project (as long as the work gets done!) without getting into trouble from the boss because that’s me! Most importantly, I can be here for my kids whenever they need me. I give myself a time requirement to get work done then I tell my kids that, “If you give Mama ____ time to do this and this, we can go down into the Sensory Room and play!” or whatever else they want to do. All work makes us grouchy but all play gets nothing done. Be sure to slot in time for both.
Squeeze in mommy time. This is for the work-out-of-home moms. When I was younger, I stayed with my Dad and step-mom, Robin. She was an amazing Mom who worked but spent the precious few hours she had after work with her two young children. “I feel so guilty,” she said to me one evening. “Merlyn (nanny) is raising them, not me. I’m missing them growing up.” I told her that it’s the quality of time she spent with the kids, not the quantity that they appreciated. Her kids are both grown now and never talk about her not being there. They talk about the fun things they did when she got home. That’s what they remember. Whatever time you can give them, they’ll always treasure.
Remember yourself. This is something I still forget about—setting a bit of time aside for me. A lot of Moms, especially those with children who have higher needs, forget to take “Me Time” or even feel guilty taking it. With all that you do, it’s crucial to take a bit of time to do things just for you. Pick up that book you’ve left dog-eared on the couch and go somewhere peaceful to read. Have a nap. Take up an art or music class. Go to the Opera. Whatever you’re in to you must take a bit of time each day for yourself to recharge and remind yourself of the person you were before work, before you became “Mrs. ____”, before children. In this case, it’s okay to be selfish for one hour (or however long you’re lucky to grab) out of the entire day.
These are just a few ways I’ve learned to keep all my hats not only fitting well but also keeping them in good, working order. You really can do it all. Just pace yourself, know what you can handle, and be good to yourself.
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