Sunday, 03 April 2011

• Trying to understand him

  

  Close to a month ago, I got called into Joshs school. He was having what they referred to as “Behavioral issues” and needed to talk. He was plain and simple, being a brat to the other kids. We talked a few minutes, me telling them that he was pretty close to a saint at home, them telling me he was the devils right hand man at school. And I never heard anything else about it. I figured they had gotten it take care of, figured out a solution, or something.

  Until yesterday. Over the ten days that I was gone for work, they called me in…obviously I couldn’t go in right then, so yesterday I went to meet with them. Only to find out that his behavior has escalated, and he is now, being a flat out brat to not only the kids, but adults as well.

  I could only shake my head – because once again, there was no change at home. He was still himself. Nothing major had happened, and I didn’t really even know that he was having issues at school. They asked me to come back in a few days, to maybe observe his class, and see how he reacts to see if maybe I have any idea of whats causing it…I shrugged my shoulders. I have no clue. They are the experts, they should be telling me. But I agreed.

  Last night we went to what I refer to as his “Social group.” Its suppose to be helping him in settings like school, giving him an extra boost of whatever in hopes of helping him find his footing. He usually does pretty good. But last night – his behavior that has been happening at school, came out in full. When someone did something that made him mad, he head butted the little girl, giving her a bloody nose, and sending her screaming for the side lines. He didn’t seem concerned that she was hurt, or even more, that he had hurt her.

  It was like the connection was missing.

  He didn’t care.

  I tried telling him that what he had done was wrong, that he hurt her, that he wouldn’t like that if someone did it to him, but it fell on deaf ears. Because not a few minutes later he was attempting a head-butt with me when I tried pulling him away from something that was obviously making him mad.

  Its frustrating, because I see the mostly compliant kid at home, who a few years ago wouldn’t DREAM of hurting a fly…who is now inflicting pain on people without a second thought or care in the world.

  Since I have some time off this week, I went to his class today to see what his teachers were talking about, and to clarify in my mind that it wasn’t just a one time thing. Its like there are two sides to him. He is an angel one minute, but the second something happens that he doesn’t like, or that makes him upset, he reacts…violently.

  Hes only six.

  And yet hes head-butting, biting, kicking, hitting, punching, pinching, and doing all sorts of other things that make me wonder where he learned them at.

  How does he even know how to do this?

  I know his teachers are looking at me for an explanation, that I should have one. That I should say “Oh yea, I have been teaching him how to draw blood at night” or “I have been hitting him when I get mad.” But I don’t. And I havent.

  Part of me wants to just think it’s a normal thing. That hes just trying out new things, lashing out in the only way he knows how, trying to make sense of his world, seeing who will tolerate it. And part of me worries that it goes deeper. That maybe there is something going on that I don’t know about, that hes really hurting, and that’s the only way he knows how to show it. Part of me worries that the state will get called again, and we will be back to square one. And part of me wants to just sit him down and make him tell me. Make him understand.

  Hes a great kid…

  Its just difficult to understand what goes on inside that mind of his sometimes.

  Part of me wants to know, and part of me doesn't.

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