Saturday, 19 February 2011
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I Wish I Was Never Diagnosed With Aspergers
I wanted to share this post on a public forum to see if anyone felt the same way with their conditions and experience the same trouble.
When I was really young and growing up, getting through grade school and whatnot, my mother had me take days off from school just to see certain specialists. I think this all began when I acted up all the time in Kindergarten. My overly obsessive and overbearing mother wanted to see what was wrong with me. At the time, I just took it all at face value; I didn't care or wonder why I was going to these meetings and saw it just as an opportunity to get out of school, where I didn't want to be because I'd rather be at home playing video games or watching Nickelodeon. Tying into that, I think my mother also found it strange that heaven-forbid I wasn't into playing sports back then, even though they tried to get me into sports I hate playing to this day (i.e. soccer).
I was diagnosed with aspergers in 4th grade, but things started hitting me hard as soon as I got into middle school as I realized how socially-avert I was. From there, things just got worse. The knowledge that I have aspergers and knowing what it is has really taken a toll on my life. It didn't help that my mother had to etch in my brain that I have it and continued to make me go to counseling sessions in high school.
The reason why I wish I was never diagnosed is that I can never see myself as a normal, functioning person. I am always feeling negatively about my life because of it to the point where I would even list things I would rather have than aspergers, such as colon cancer, AIDS, typhoid fever, etc. At least life wouldn't be playing a joke on me then. I feel as if I am cursed and plagued by this "disease" to the point that it has given me suicidal thoughts. I mean, how can you live life when you can't enjoy what most others can enjoy because you're "disabled"? Like I can go through college and pass whatever tests they give me and get degrees and whatnot, but I can't land good jobs because I don't have ideal personal and communication skills. Likewise, I can never land a relationship, let alone a good one with a girl I like. But is it because I truly have bad communication and social skills, or is it the negativity that's etched in my brain telling me that because I have aspergers, I'm going to lose before I even try and shouldn't even bother? That's the first thing that comes to mind whenever I'm in a group setting or am trying to prepare for a job interview or career fair or even preparing to impress some girl: I have aspergers and thus I have a high risk of failure because I am by instinct socially inept, even though I don't have that serious of a case of it. It's like having a developed mindset that you could never curb your alcoholism or your eating disorders because you believe those things are a disease you have no control over. As a result, I keep making excuses for myself based mainly on the aspergers as to why I should be risk-avert, and I have developed this great negative attitude about myself, even though I know it's wrong to do that and that it's "all in my head".
I would like to write more on this, but I will leave it open to discussion.
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- From: Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga
- About Me: I have been using Xanga since August 2001 and have seen a lot of changes since then.
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Comments (72)
I find it somewhat refreshing to see that I'm not the only one to entertain thoughts like these from time to time as one with Asperger's Syndrome.
One of the things I do know that those with this have in common is the intellect - that is, what we lack in EQ we make up for in IQ, and therefore somehow a balance has to be attained. If I may, a tool that I have consistently used is to use my IQ and take its strengths to memorize things such as body language, gestures, etc. Memorize that certain words have a distinct meaning in certain contexts, too. This gives a rough tool to then increase EQ through something already specialized in at the present, and while not the most perfect tool, it will help quite a bit in a lot of situations.
Let me admit openly that life has dealt a lot of things in which I have let myself fall into the temptation of simply casting myself as the failure that society doesn't seem to have a use for whatsoever. Again, use the strength of the intellect and find ways to deal with the inner thoughts and feelings, and, if you can, do it head-on. If it takes analysis, logical procession, whatever, use it, write it out, do what it takes to face the legitimate struggles and emotions that come with the package.
I don't know your take on religion, but at least let me also extend an invitation to explore Christianity as well. If there was one thing that hasn't let me down, it's the fact that in Christ I have found a lot of hope and fulfilled promises. As a plus, I find that I am free to use my greatest strength here, too: my head.
I hope I have been able to give you something useful. Thank you very much for this post and for being so open to the public about this.
@overcomer - Ugh.
This was a very touching post. From a mother with a child who has even more labels: " ADD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, ODD, and Dermateliamania" and a mother living with her own, "Bipolar Disorder II."
What my daughtter and my therapist has toaght me is that getting a "diagnosis" can be a relief for some but a "hell" for others.
On the one hand, for some diagnosis is helpful. It can provide comfort in knowing why they heck we are different than other people. What a relief! "It's not my imaginiation that I am different!." Ok. There is something wrong that will never go away but can be lessened with different types of therapies including cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. The diagnosis helps my duaghter get extra time in tests (which she needs) and helps me to seek extra meds in times of stress. When I do something that could be upsetting to someone -it's not an excuse-but it helps to explain why I have done something that seems like "overreactiing." I both our case, diagnosis and appropriate behavioral therapy has been life-saving and adaptive,
On the other hand,diagnosis can be very distressing. The diagnosistic phrases I know about for my daughter, contain words I will never use in front of her.Not that I haven't. At first I didn't know they upset her. She knew she was differen, but she found no comfort in knowing why. So we never use the word "Anxiety" (oh my good...that would set her off on a rampage) or "skin picking" or, god forbid either of the "Disorder" diagnosis. These words are really upsetting to her. We, and her therapist ("everyone" in NY sees a shrink, so there is no stigma) talk about behaviors and causes. I now know which words are ok,and which are words to avoid.
But for you and me and my daughter, not saying the words does not make it all go away. You do have depression, and that should be addressed. You do get upset by the word aspergers, so your mom should stop using it. You are you, and if there are things you would like to change about your condition you should work on the behaviors. If your just fine the way you are, you are old enough to say, "live and let live." But I do think you might look into getting help for your sadness. Get rid of the "diagnosis" or "label"or whatever you want to stop calling it, and begin to live the life you were meant to live! You seem far too smart and far too emotionally aware to allow yourself anything else. I hope you find your liberation and happiness and chuck that word from you and your mom's vocabulary!
its okay buddy you have a friend in me, although we may be different I feel the same.
I'm maybe on the other side of the fence from you, in that I was never diagnosed even though I know myself that I have AS. My school life was never easy, I was bullied, cast out, and to be honest I wasn't the nicest person to be around either.
I have, however, largely managed to turn things around... Let me explain:
With AS, we're all likely to stand out. We dont follow the social conventions, largely as we don't see the social boundaries others do, but this doesn't have to be a bad things. I've messed-up socially, I've driven people away from me who were just trying to help, but in the end I realised that people are basically okay as long as you are okay back. Acceptance is really the feeling that you strive for, not being normal.
There are so many normal people out there trying to be different... They crave attention, to be noticed. Well, I put it to you that Acceptance plus Attention equals popularity.
The easiest path to acceptance that I have found is to relax and let the person I'm talking to lead the conversation.
Oh yes, and: Girlfriends will come. The most irritating thing about AS is that you've probably rejected advances from a girl you liked. The realisation of this often hurts, but the simple fact is that every man and woman on this earth has people interested in them. You can't simply assume otherwise due to some diagnosis, but you can't just decide that "she's the one" and fall in love. If anything, stay aware of who likes you and not who you like. This goes with my above point on being reactive, but don't be afraid to say hello. If anything they could be as shy as you are.
@Hinase@xanga -
"Just reading these comments..makes me feel like people don't understand ANYTHING. They think, it's oh a label and you can just rise above that..but NO, people do treat you differently..."
...and when the only visible and audible difference is social skills, people do treat you differently once you treat them differently.
" I may not be autistic, but I'm a bipolar..and when I have my moods..I can't explain them to people..and get blamed for things I did when I'm extremely manic. It's not my fault and they make me feel guilty because of what I have, and they do treat me differently."
Do you treat them differently when you're extremely manic? If you do, how do you treat them differently and how do you expect people to feel when they are treated those ways?
"It's not as simple as anyone thinks...think positive thoughts. Hell, if that was easy..we wouldn't feel so down."
That's so true!
"and besides if someone mentions anything of your disorder, then say, it's just who I am and I can't change that. Accept that part"
Exactly! Likewise, sometimes when someone else can't get along well with you, it's just who he or she is and he or she can't change that either. Accept that instead of blaming yourself for it. Not every pairing of two people in the world can be a good friendship or a good romance, just because there are so very many different kinds of personalities out there!
Like if someone else doesn't want to keep being your girlfriend because part of your personality turns off part of her personality, that both doesn't make you a loser and it doesn't make her superficial either. It just means you two are incompatible personalities, so if you accept that and remember it you can move on and try to date someone else (and be happy you live in a society where you won't be trapped in a forced arranged marriage with her!).
@cindythedreamer@xanga - "Our society really loves labels, huh? I mean, how many kids out there have ADHD? Try all of them. Any kid that gets put in front of a psychiatrist is going to be labeled with ADHD because they're a bit fidgety."
...and don't forget the older kids and young adults who diagnose themselves to be hip and edgy in their scenes!
http://stuffgeekslove.wordpress.com/2009/01/09/self-labeling/ describes the trend I've seen:
"...But names and identities aren’t the only thing that geeks enjoy deciding for themselves. As we’ve seen, they love taking online personality tests and religion tests and so forth and finding new labels for themselves. If they have any kind of claims to a religion you can certainly bet that a good ninety percent of it is just calling themselves that religion.
"Where they really shine, though is in psychological and medical diagnoses. Geeks who’ve never read a word of Freud will eagerly tell you how orally fixated they are (largely because they think this also makes them sound sexually promiscuous). ADD, OCD, and Asperger’s are cheerfully self-diagnosed daily by geeks. The vaguer the disease or syndrome is, the more likely that geeks will be more than happy to tell you they have it.
"All of this self-imposed labeling is supported by the geek’s geek friends who will call them “Darknyte”, who will marvel at how utterly psychotic the geek is, and who will offer sympathy towards the ailment du jour..."
@April - "Just reading these comments..makes me feel like people don't understand ANYTHING. They think, it's oh a label and you can just rise above that..but NO, people do treat you differently..."
...and when the only visible and audible difference is social skills, people do treat you differently once you treat them differently.
People around me, friends and family started treating me differently when I became bipolar. I can't even visit some of my family because I feel ashamed for being bipolar and they make me feel like it. I treat no one differently except for the manic moods I have no control over. Usually I'm my normal self.
" I may not be autistic, but I'm a bipolar..and when I have my moods..I can't explain them to people..and get blamed for things I did when I'm extremely manic. It's not my fault and they make me feel guilty because of what I have, and they do treat me differently."
Do you treat them differently when you're extremely manic? If you do, how do you treat them differently and how do you expect people to feel when they are treated those ways?
When I'm manic, I'm not in control of my words or even my moods. I was told by many people, how I was screaming and flying off the handle and how I never notice it (it's like I'm in a dazed faze and my subconscious is now in control). Luckily, I'm learning to manage to my bipolar disorder, so it doesn't get out of control. Though I have gotten in trouble at work for it. Though it's hard to explain to people about these things, especially employers. I feel like I should be hated for what I do (though many times, it's not my fault). I expect the worst out of it.
@Hinase@xanga - "I treat no one differently except for the manic moods I have no control over. "
Exactly! Being treated a certain way by someone who can't help it is still being treated a certain way by someone.
"When I'm manic, I'm not in control of my words or even my moods. I was told by many people, how I was screaming and flying off the handle and how I never notice it (it's like I'm in a dazed faze and my subconscious is now in control).
So the answer to "Do you treat them differently when you're extremely manic?" is yes.
Now, how do you expect people to feel when they screamed at by someone who is flying off the handle at them? After all, being screamed at by someone who can't help it is still being screamed at.
"Luckily, I'm learning to manage to my bipolar disorder, so it doesn't get out of control."
Congratulations! :D
"Though I have gotten in trouble at work for it. "
I couldn't tell from this sentence, given the ones before it, if you were getting in trouble for screaming at people at work and flying off the handle at them (that would be understandable, especially when there's a risk the employer would get sued by his or her other employees if he or she wouldn't do anything about them getting screamed at in their workplace) or getting in trouble for learning to manage your bipolar disorder (that would be horrible!).
@Col - "The easiest path to acceptance that I have found is to relax and let the person I'm talking to lead the conversation."
Yes, being a good listener is a useful skill for everyone whether having an ASD bor being neurotypical or being all the way on the other end of the spectrum with William's Syndrome (see http://www.williams-syndrome.org/ )!
"Oh yes, and: Girlfriends will come."
Not necessarily, unless you're offering to be that girlfriend yourself. Some people have promised me that I'll get married, but none of them have proposed and nobody else has either. Don't make a promise that you won't keep yourself but expect a 3rd party to keep for you.
"The most irritating thing about AS is that you've probably rejected advances from a girl you liked. The realisation of this often hurts, but the simple fact is that every man and woman on this earth has people interested in them."
Again, not necessarily, and there's also the chance that even if someone is attracted to you he or she won't be attractive to you.
"You can't simply assume otherwise due to some diagnosis, but you can't just decide that "she's the one" and fall in love. If anything, stay aware of who likes you and not who you like. This goes with my above point on being reactive, but don't be afraid to say hello. If anything they could be as shy as you are."
Great points! :D
Don't be afraid to say hello and don't be afraid to say no either (that is, don't settle for someone whom you're not attracted to because you're afraid of staying single or because other people tell you to settle "because [he or she] is at your level"). Being in a good relationship can be better than being single, but being in a bad relationship is worse than being single.
@April - "I treat no one differently except for the manic moods I have no control over. "
Exactly! Being treated a certain way by someone who can't help it is still being treated a certain way by someone.
"When I'm manic, I'm not in control of my words or even my moods. I was told by many people, how I was screaming and flying off the handle and how I never notice it (it's like I'm in a dazed faze and my subconscious is now in control).
So the answer to "Do you treat them differently when you're extremely manic?" is yes.
Now, how do you expect people to feel when they screamed at by someone who is flying off the handle at them? After all, being screamed at by someone who can't help it is still being screamed at.
Probably they feel horrible. I feel even worse. Like being my bipolar is my fault. I bear the shame long after they have forgiven me.
"Luckily, I'm learning to manage to my bipolar disorder, so it doesn't get out of control."
Congratulations! :D
"Though I have gotten in trouble at work for it. "
I couldn't tell from this sentence, given the ones before it, if you were getting in trouble for screaming at people at work and flying off the handle at them (that would be understandable, especially when there's a risk the employer would get sued by his or herother employees if he or she wouldn't do anything about them getting screamed at in their workplace) or getting in trouble for learning to manage your bipolar disorder (that would be horrible!).
My apologizes. I will clarify. The reason why I was getting in trouble at work was because I stopped doing my job and just got sloppy. My bipolar disorder just started interfering with my work. I usually went down a lot of the times especially around work. My manic phases were only for a short period of time and they came in small bursts.The manic phases mostly happened when I was at home. Or in private capacity. And even then, it didn't take complete hold. It was something that was just emerging because the year previous, I was completely fine. I had finished high school and was working my full time job. Lol
Why are you curious about this anyhow? Lol
@Hinase@xanga - "And even then, it didn't take complete hold. It was something that was just emerging because the year previous, I was completely fine."
yeah, that sounds painful, especially since the year previous was good and so you knew what you were missing. :(
"Why are you curious about this anyhow? Lol"
You brought up some interesting issues, and so I was interested. :)
@April -
"And even then, it didn't take complete hold. It was something that was just emerging because the year previous, I was completely fine."yeah, that sounds painful, especially since the year previous was good and so you knew what you were missing. :(
Yeah, it was hard on everyone, and even harder than myself. And it's funny because my aunt is also bipolar coupled with anxiety problems and OCD. So yeah, we were close before, now we are even closer.
"Why are you curious about this anyhow? Lol"
You brought up some interesting issues, and so I was interested. :)
Oh, that's no problem =D
Thanks for the comments guys. I really appreciate them.
Just an interesting tidbit. After I wrote and posted this, I found out about David DeAngelo and started reading his publications. They almost instantly changed my way of thinking around, which I would have to say is quite powerful. Just goes to show you that there truly is a God, and when the moment is right, he will send help :)
Yes, it sucks. Big time. However, I can show you the OTHER side of the coin. I am a 36 year old woman and my 7 year old has Asperger's. When he was diagnosed, that is when I FINALLY discovered that I had it too. What a relief.
I have spent my whole life knowing and feeling that I did not fit in (very painful). I spent my whole miserable childhood obsessivly studying everyone else, and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and trying to pretend to act like everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I never fit in. I never played a sport, joined a group, or was ever invited to a birthday party. When I was a kid I thought maybe I was an Alien, dropped off on this planet as some cruel science experiment. It was REALLY miserable when I hit high school. The pain of alienation led me down a dark path of self-injury and alcohol abuse. I was completely out of control. I had a few friends, but most of them were just hanging out with me to see what the drunk crazy girl would do. I became mean. I guessed I could tell people to f*#k off before they had a chance to reject me. I would not repeat my childhood again for a billion dollars. It was by far the hardest time in my life. The good news is what comes next.
My mother forced me to go to college, and that was a HUGE turning point for me. In engineering school, I felt for the first time I fit in (not with everyone, but at least 25% of them were just like me). It was the first time in my life I felt like someone actually "got me". I didn't have to 'filter' what I wanted to say. They liked me for my quirky self, my life changed. I ended up marrying someone just like myself (not Aspergers, but very smart and analytical).
Do you want to hear great things about yourself?
You will make a great employee! No, you probably won't be a car salesman or talkshow host (who would want too anyway?). But we have an ability to see what work needs to be done, and do it (and do it really well, I might add). No drama; no "I think the uniform colors don't match my hair color"; no constant fake chatter. You don't need to be extroverted to ace an interview. I used to write down all the questions I thought they might ask and sit and practice saying them over and over again until they felt 'right'.
You will make a great father and husband. You will find someone who gets you. When you do not let them go. I found, when I obsessed on the skills that I wished I had (social), I can't excercise what I do have (analytical, and reasoning skills).
Good news is, you can learn social skills. I watch other people and try to keep a tally of "what to say". For instance, I see other people conversing and one says "Wow, you look very nice today", and the other says "Thank you for noticing". I make a mental note. Next time someone says something similar to me, instead of being super uncomfortable and sweating because I have no idea how to respond, I try use the line I heard earlier. I repeat this over, and over and over. My husband helps, by sometimes poining out when I have made an "oops". Yes, sometimes it makes me mad, I I feel like he is trying to 'filter me', but I know he just want to help me along. I have become much better at it. I still have a SUPER hard time problems lying (yes, sometimes, to fit in, you cannot tell the truth). Like a friend says "Does this dress make me look fat?". I practically have to shove my fist into my mouth to stop from telling the truth. Then I get awkward and stumble around like an idiot.
Life is a crazy, short 80ish year journey, and we get to fit in as much fun as we want. I literally have a list of things I want to do before my expiration. Some may see it as odd, I see it as a challenge. Some big (stand on pyramid), some small (solve rubix cube), etc.
Lastly, YOU ARE NOT Asperger's! Aspergers is just a made up name that some guys in a university created years ago to describe something they could not understand. I have always thought of myself as "different". When I was young, I LOATHED that I was different, now I realize that different is not too shabby. The Mona Lisa is famous, because she was just slightly different than the others. The Eiffel Tower is brilliant because it is different. You are not mass produced. You are not a carbon copy of everyone else. The carbon copy people, have carbon copy lives. Thank goodness we can see differently! You should focus on YOU. What do YOU love to do? What would YOU love to see? Find your passion, and go with it.
Good luck, my friend.
I feel for you.
I have loved someone with aspergers deeply, and been loved back. This person is an amazing person, not defined by aspergers. It helped explain some quirks, know how to get some help when needed. Otherwise, there was a drive to succeed in the end, and this person figured out how to turn those quirks into strengths to help, or at least not hinder. Not to say it wasn't a struggle. It could take some ingenuity and help, but it worked out.
And honestly, I didn't know about the aspergers for the first few years. Didn't care once I did know.
You can make it better. You'll find people who help, because they will like who you are, whether or not they know about aspergers.
I'd say it will get better, but if your anything like this person, you'll hate an unsupported hopeful statement about the future. Hang in there.
I grew up never knowing that I have Aspergers... it was only after reading an article about Aspergers a few years ago did I start to put the pieces together. I can't put myself in your shoes, but for me, not knowing was just as bad. I never felt "normal" even without a label/diagnosis. All of my time spent in school was awful, and got considerably worse once I began Jr. High, which in my opinion is pretty terrible all around, but for someone who already has difficulty in the social arena, it was a Nightmare.
I had regular suicidal thoughts from the age of twelve on, making several "attempts" throughout Jr. High and Highschool though none ever brought me seriously close to death. I came the closest my first year of College after a pretty toxic concoction, which landed me in the local hospital's mental ward. It was only after I was cornered by a girl who lived next door to me in the dorm, that I started to think more about Why. She basically took me for the longest drive of my life and wouldn't let me go until I talked, not really to her, but just about anything. She knew I had to get it out, even in my pained silently awkward way. She told me something I will never forget and which helps me to this day, "We don't get to choose (when we die)."
This girl became my first and closest friend because she accepts me for who I am at my best and worst. These are the only kinds of friends that I have, really there are only two of them, but I am so grateful to have even them. Her friendship opened up a lot for me, I started to realize what type of people compliment me and now I even have relationships with people who although I may not consider them as close as my two friends, we carry on friendships that I didn't think I would ever be able to make. Honestly if they can't accept you for who you truly are, they're never really going to be a friend.
I have had several relationships, but only 2 serious ones. One that lasted about 6 years and another that I am currently in. The first relationship started before I had considered Aspergers as a possibility. Up until this point I had been "socialized" enough that I had created a range of coping skills and what I like to call camouflage tactics, which were probably more successful at fooling myself than anyone else. All the same, I thought that I was in the best place I had been, despite having to drink heavily to get through most social interaction. The most painful part of this relationship for me was when things boiled up from beneath the surface and my boyfriend would yell at me that I was such a robot. I can never seem to get beyond this sort of label: Spock, Computer and Robot are common descriptions associated with me.
It is hard to be in a relationship, often due my inability to emotionally connect, though I see it as more a difficulty than an inability. My current boyfriend usually has to pry my feelings out of me, but he is very patient and has learned that silence from me is not an indication of anything other than the fact that I am being silent. Still, all relationships take extra effort. I am notorious for saying "mean" things, though they don't seem mean to me, just the literal truth. I am often accused of needing to always be right, but it's just that I think literally and facts/figures pop into my head as acceptable responses in conversation.
The hardest thing on my romantic relationships are the meltdown/shutdown whatever you want to refer to it as. I only have these behind closed doors, so my partner gets the brunt of them. It's hard for him to understand why I am like this only with him. It is hard for him not to take them personally. The only explanation I have for him is that I don't have my guard up around him because I feel comfortable/close to him. I am working on these, but this is an instance where my diagnosis has really helped. I never used to know why I would have these meltdowns. The only thing I had been able to figure out over the years is that I knew there were triggers which usually had to do with a sensation of being overloaded, overwhelmed or what I described to myself as an anxious jitter or the feeling of being discombobulated which occurred when in my mind "things just weren't going right or the way I thought/felt they were supposed to." I don't like it when it happens but knowing that there is a reason, helps me get through it, because I know I'm not as crazy and inept as I thought I was. I still think about suicide when I am in the midst of a meltdown, but I attribute that to being overwhelmed and when I am that overwhelmed, sometimes the alternative enters my mind. I never let it go any farther than that though and that's because now, I know it will pass. I even think knowing more about Aspergers has helped me to occasionally avoid meltdowns, still we can't help who we are and they do happen.
I can't say that not knowing when I was growing up was a good or bad thing. I sometimes think it would have been better to know, because it would have explained so much. But it's hard enough surviving that time of life, who knows what that label would have done to me. I am happy that I know now. Though the only people who know are my mother, boyfriend and friend from college. I haven't told anyone else about the diagnosis, nor do I feel the need to. If anything, it is there for me to know that sometimes there is an explanation for my crazy behavior and feelings.
It took a long time for me to like myself, and to learn to be comfortable with the person that I am. This isn't a revelation that I made one day, I work at it all the time. But I accept myself now, despite what my mother thinks, or nags me about... despite if I'm called robot, which I hate... despite the meltdowns... despite the awkward social situations the I have to literally ramp myself up for... despite my differences.
Aspergers or not, You're Different, not because of a label or diagnosis, but because it's who you are.
And by the way, Normal, doesn't exist. It's as clinical a definition as Aspergers. The "normal" people, well let's just say they can be just as confused and lost and out of place as the rest of us, they might just seem to have better camouflage.
just be you! hugs.
In paragraph four, you wrote "It's like having a developed mindset that you could never curb your alcoholism or your eating disorders because you believe those things are a disease you have no control over." This is a split infinitive. It should be " It's like having a developed mindset that you could never curb your alcoholism or your eating disorders because you believe those things are a disease over which you have no control." Sorry to point this out, but it is really bugging me.
There are a lot of people offering a lot of good advice. However, one person has suggested turning to Jesus Christ. This is either an imaginary person or a real person who died thousands of years ago. Either way, they will be of no practical help to you, so I think this advice is misguided, even if well intentioned.Hello young man,
You are a truly awesome individual. Give yourself time to mature and experience the world. Look for, and focus on the good things around you, and downplay the bad. Life is like this for everyone. No one gets through life unscathed. Some people do not even know of anything wrong with them, but they are continually unhappy. Life is what we make it, and it truly is beautiful, so make sure you look for the beauty. I too, used to have bad feelings about my "handicap". I have Tourette syndrome, ADHD, and depression at times. I have found that these are not handicaps, only if I allow them to be. They are differences, and that's actually what makes me unique. Special. Me. I am 53 now and am finally finishing my Bachelors degree in Social Work at the University of Michigan next week. Even with everything I have lived through, I have found life to be superb. I have a wonderful husband that loves me just the way I am, and adult children, who think I am the best mom in the world. I have friends who I am very close with, a mom, dad, sisters, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles, school mates, work associates, and neighbors, who all know me as Sherrie, not Sherrie with tourettes or ADHD or depression. Yes, there are others who do not like me, and some I don't care for either, and that's okay.
You too will find joy in your life, and it gets better as you overcome obstacles and you mature. I would never give up what I have now; I have grown to love life to very much. You have gifts that have been given to you. Focus on them and improve them beyond your wildest dreams. These gifts are who you are, move forward and enjoy the ride. Someday you will realize how really important you are, and how much each thing you have done in life has impacted others. This post alone has impacted a world of people around you. I am so glad that you posted this for me to read. I accidentally fell upon it while I was looking for good information about autism to share with the parents of children with autism whom I work with. Your post has given me the inspiration I need to continue moving forward helping parents, students, teachers, and the rest of the world around us realize that autism is not a handicap, just a different set of characteristics amongst human beings. I love your differences, and I know others who do also. If I lived by you, and knew you, I know we would be friendly neighbors. Believe those who have told you good things about yourself and who you are, and forget the hurtful stuff others who are in ignorance have lead you to believe. YOU ARE NORMAL, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, YOU ARE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE! NOW BELIEVE ITYOURSELF!!!
Sherrie
@overcomer - well said