Wednesday, 16 February 2011
-
We Have Autism
The worst thing to do to someone with Autism is to not give them a chance to explain themselves. We're people who need a bit of time to fully explain our actions and thoughts because we're often misunderstood. It's not easy for any of us to express ourselves in a way that others might understand or deem "appropriate" or respectful. When you accuse us of things and show no understanding or restraint we WILL become frustrated and push you away. We all have a social disorder that makes discussions and interactions with other people DIFFICULT and frustrating for us. So when one of us is trying desperately to explain our position, DO NOT INTERRUPT AND MAKE ACCUSATIONS. You will only upset us further and make us less inclined to ever talk to you again.
We have a hard time understanding boundaries. We can't read social cues, so unless you tell us what your boundaries are and what your intentions are, WE WILL NOT UNDERSTAND. Some people can recognize a situation for what it really is without question. We cannot. And no, it isn't something we can "unlearn". It is a GENETIC defect that causes our social abilities to be PERMANENTLY IMPAIRED. You will also exacerbate the situation if you do not communicate with us properly. We also have a hard time responding to changes in routine. If we're used to something happening EVERY DAY, we will automatically expect it EVERY DAY. Our entire lives are built on structure. Routine. It's like we all have a mild form of OCD. So if something is going to change we need to be TOLD ABOUT IT. We'll still act out, but not as badly as we would if no one tells us a fucking thing!
We require HONESTY from the people around us. It's the only way we can survive in social situations. Me, personally, I've been trying like HELL to at least gain SOME level of control over my problems. I've been trying harder to recognize social cues and boundaries and how to react to changes in routine. I've made progress in lessening how badly some things affect me, but I STILL misunderstand things. In fact, people in person KNOW when something has registered wrong in my head. I'm a talkative person, so when I don't know how to take something said or done to me, I become painfully quiet. I won't talk. I'll respond with head movements or hand gestures because I'm AFRAID of the things I know I'll say.
Yes, it's a pain in the ass, but guess what? We have to adapt, so do you. It's a give-give situation. We have to give and adapt more because of our limitations, which means we need, NEED every last bit of assistance you have. And don't think we don't have any idea how draining we can be as friends, family, or even lovers. We're difficult to approach, get along with, or even understand. It's painful, it's frustrating, and goddamnit we just need more people to sit the fuck down and give us a chance to be understood.
And if you can't handle being involved in any way with someone who has Autism, THEN GO THE FUCK AWAY. I'm tired of being misrepresented, misunderstood, and hurt.
I'm not a bad person. I'm not a mean person. I'm an adult with Autism. And anyone who can't understand that, can go fucking die.
Recommend
Post a Comment
- Back to autisable's Autisable Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in autisable's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: RazielV@xanga
- Name: Raz
- About Me: I am a being of contradiction. I bring love, and destruction with me. Where I go, trouble, chaos, and peace follow. I am blessed and damned. I am.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 1988 Comments: 0 26 View all posts by RazielV@xanga
Comments (23)
XD I was actually expecting the entry to be edited because of the excessive cursing. For anyone reading this, the original post was written out of anger and frustration at two people I know. So forgive the venom and vitriol. There's still a very valid point within all of the rage.
Really honest and really clear. I'm glad that you shared it with us.
Yes, I have days like that. Thought the post was quite restrained really.
I'm sorry if you've had to go through that.
When someone whom I don't already know well treats me in a way that I would deem inappropriate and disrespectful coming from someone who doesn't have autism, and when for all I know there's a 99% chance that this person doesn't have autism and that s/he behaves disrespectfully to me because he or she actually doesn't respect me, what do you recommend that I do?
@April - If they don't respect you, then just cut them out of your life. Be the bigger person and leave the person's life on a good note. If anything, it'll confuse the hell out of him/her. :D
@RazielV@xanga - I like that, especially the "just cut them out of your life." part instead of sticking around and waiting for an explanation for that position. :) You're right, why put up with being treated disrespectfully in the first place?
@RazielV@xanga - Meanwhile, how about when I don't already know if "they don't respect you" or if they're behaving disrespectfully to me by accident because I'm not telepathic?
I can't directly read minds, all I can do is listen to the words someone tells me and see the nonverbal cues he or she makes. That's why, when someone whom I don't already know well treats me in a way that I would deem inappropriate and disrespectful coming from someone who doesn't have autism, I know there's a 99% chance that this person doesn't have autism and that s/he behaves disrespectfully to me because he or she actually doesn't respect me and a 1% chance this person does have autism and that s/he may behave disrespectfully to me by accident but I can't tell whether this person is in the 99% category or the 1% category.
@April - -shrugs- The statistics show that 1 in every 110 children in the US have an ASD (http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss5810a1.htm). The odds that someone may have Autism in the newer generation is really high.
Usually it is better to assume the worst (having Autism) and approach the situation respectfully and maturely. It is better to err on the side of good than to risk hurting someone who means no harm. I tend to not respond to statements I deem offensive and just wait to see how the situation turns out. In some cases I'll politely point out that I felt offended or unsure of how to take someone's comments.
As long as you're presenting your feelings in a non-confrontational, or condescending way (use soft but firm vocal tones when you speak) someone with Autism will most likely respond well to your prompt and apologise and try to express themselves less "inappropriately". Someone who's disrespectful will just continue.@RazielV@xanga - "Usually it is better to assume the worst (having Autism) and approach the situation respectfully and maturely. It is better to err on the side of good than to risk hurting someone who means no harm."
Assuming the worst is actually assuming that the person doesn't have autism and does mean harm. Erring on the side of good is risking being attacked by someone who means harm. Do you think it's better to err on the side of being attacked by someone who means harm than to risk rudeness to someone who means no harm?
Speaking of erring on the side of reducing the risk of getting hurt by someone who does mean harm, check out the threads at http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger’s-rapist-or-a-guy’s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ and http://www.metafilter.com/85667/Hi-Whatcha-reading
Also, this comment is very relevant: http://feministing.com/2008/01/02/real_dolls_real_pimping_1/#comment-220432
"Alek, I just want to second what Mina said about women having, for our own safety, to be sensitive to creepy vibes from men. For a while there was a janitor in my office who was, well, creepy. I suspect he has some form of mild retardation, but the fact is, he never did to the men what he did to the women; he would come up behind me way too close and start talking right in my ear; he would wander into my female colleagues' offices and sit down even if they were in the middle of working; he would insert himself into conversations between women. And there was something else…an undefinable but creepy vibe.
"Now, maybe he's just socially awkward. But what if he's not? If he doesn't follow social norms about how close to stand how do I know if he'll follow social norms about touching? If he follows me down the hall when I've given off clear signals that I don't want him to, where else will he follow me?
"I'd rather be rude than be followed; I'd rather be rude than be groped; I'd rather be rude than be assaulted."
Nice to be coming across these reasources, going to save this post.
Very useful information.
I simply wanted to opinion your blog in addition to say i definitely enjoyed reading your site post right here.
Very good web site you have established. I enjoyed reading this posting. I did want to issue a comment to tell you that the design of this site is very aesthetically pleasing. lol
nice post, thanks for sharing
I simply wanted to opinion your blog in addition to say i definitely enjoyed reading your site post right here.
I like this page. I have read it carefully and wow really awesome.
I agree with you!
Please add more information about this fact
It is very helpful information thanks for sharing it.
Your view is definitely something Id like to see more of. Thanks for this blog. Its fantastic and so is what youve got to say.
This is great read, you really have nailed the point, thx.
Significantly, this narrative was in actuality the single finest with which laudable branch matter. To be sure together with your data and can admittedly eagerly enjoy ones time to come revisions. Stating appreciate it won’t merely all the time be satisfactory, for your overwhelming clearness with your producing.
is something worth appreciating by us. It is very kind thing to see your wonderful post