Friday, 14 January 2011
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A Comforting Ritual
I recently discovered that Pudding has developed a new ritual of talking me through her day as I put her to bed. She instructs me to get in bed for a cuddle, and then she talks. And talks. Sometimes she sings. She shares. I love it. We aren’t yet at the point where she is really talking about her day, but she tells me what happened. I’m going to introduce talking about my day, the parts I liked and didn’t, and my feelings about it. We’ll see if she is ready to do the same.
The word “ritual” can have negative connotations, but that isn’t always the case. Some rituals can offer comfort, create a routine, and mark transitions throughout the day.
In the comments from my post the other day, Courtney referred to her ritual as the glass of wine when she returns from work. Once her ritual takes place, she relaxes and can chat about the day. Pudding’s metaphorical glass of wine is to bounce on her trampoline, or swing. Getting that sensory input is important for her to transition from a day at school. I never realized how necessary this was until I interrupted it. I think, though I could well be wrong, that this bedtime chat is another way she transitions. Instead of getting out her excess energy, she is getting out her excess words, or thoughts. Maybe one day she’ll release her feelings, and feel more peaceful for sleep.
My ritual is in a morning. I am less human, and more cranky swamp creature in the morning. My husband dutifully brings me a cup of tea, and that is my transition from slumber to reality. I punctuate the day with a cup of tea: the morning one, the breakfast one, the evening one. I know, English ex-pat drinking tea is too much of a cliche to dwell on. I can manage fine without the others, but that morning one is essential. I just feel “off” all day without it. It isn’t a caffeine issue; I’ve been drinking decaf for over a decade. It has nothing to do with the children; that morning cup has been part of my ritual since I was a child. There is comfort in beginning my day the same way. I’ll carry on as long as I continue not to be a morning person. Just because I regularly wake at 5 these days, it doesn’t follow that I’m any better at it. My husband will vouch for that!
So just as rituals are important to the rest of us, so they are to Pudding too. Probably more so, as she starts to learn what her body needs to take away the many stresses of the day. I just hadn’t realized that she had them until I disturbed them, this discovery was a happy accident for me. Now that I know, I’ll do my best to ensure I don’t pour away her metaphorical glass of wine, or cup of tea. I think we all need a little comfort in our day.
How about you? Do you or the people you love have a ritual that brings comfort? What is your cup of tea?
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About the Author
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- From: spectrummymummy
- Name: spectrummymummy
- About Me: Spectrummy Mummy is a loving English wife to an American Diplomat (not as glamorous as it sounds), and stay-at-home mummy (just as glamorous as it sounds) to Pudding (3) and Cubby (1) our global nomads. Of course, we are not using our real names to protect the kids’ identities. If you know us in real life, please don’t use our real names in the comments- these are precious people we have to protect! Around a year ago, we discovered that Pudding was an Aspie Princess, and we’ve been learning ever since. Join us on our crash course to all things spectrummy, and enter the brave new world of bizarre food allergies.
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Comments (3)
If I don't make my own coffee in the morning, the day hasn't started. It isn't even so much about drinking it... sometimes I barely drink half of it... it's just what I do.
Your daughter also may find it easier to speak and hold a conversation when lying down. Many people with low muscle tone find that when their muscle tone is supported as it is when horizontal. Check out www.handle.org. this is the website for the HANDLE Institute which is the non-profit organisation supporting affiliates throughout the world using the HANDLE approach whic looks at individuals and the addresses the root causes behind their challenges. I am a HANDLE practitioner here in the UK and Mom to 5 children now young adults with many challenges including three sons diagnosed with autism. They are all doing well and have very much been helped and continue to be by the HANDLE approach.
Rosemarie Mason
rosemarie.mason@ntlworld.com
Oh dear, I just realized this but I desperately need a comforting morning ritual and my daughter needs a transitional one. I have been working on hers but not mine. Im still pretty young so I should really start one now. I think having that one thing that will make me feel like my day is starting off on a good note is a great idea. I feel like it should be soup in the morning, I have always felt best that day if I have had soup for breakfast. I think I will have to try a couple different things, but I know it def something that I need at this point in my life to carry on for a long time. Thank you for making me realize this. I have been having a really hard time lately and this is something I feel would be good for me.