I am a woman perplexed. I also have four kids...three of whom have an asd..or autism..or..well it seems no matter what I say someone gets offended..so lets just say I've got four amazing kids-my house is always a mess..and I drink a lot of coffee. Oh and I like to write about my family, at
Autismherd, because they are funny.
I have never (purposely) had professional pictures taken of my family. You know the kind, everyone grouped together, in matching sweaters. All of us looking at the camera-smiling...with the "We are such a happy family" gleam in our eyes. Don't get me wrong, we are a pretty happy bunch. It is just that our kind of happiness doesn't seem to photograph all that well.
I think, that part of the problem, is that my kids don't know HOW to have their picture taken. This is not for lack of trying. I have spent much time trying to get just one good shot of them together. I have hundreds of family shots...none though, where they are all looking at the camera. Getting all of them to sit still AND look in one direction for more than 1/2 a second is near impossible. Somebody invariably turns their head, somebody bends down, sneezes, and then... there is Oscar. My constantly moving curly headed flying boy. For years, I don't think that people believed that I had a second son. I would patiently explain-"no, he's the one on the right"..."The right?" "yes, see that blur over by the window?"..."That fuzzy blue thing?"..."Yup, that's Oscar!" Needless to say, I have an awful lot of partial family photos.
Candid shots seem to work best for us. Our home is filled with them. My children are quite lovely...until they are asked to pose. I don't know what happens..when posing, they seem to take on another persona....a certain "gooniness". They don't look like themselves. They look strange. Nothing proves this better than the dreaded school picture.
I don't make a big deal of picture day at school. I don't buy special outfits or dress the kids up. I send them in like I do any other day. I have told them if they choose not to have their picture taken-that this was o.k. with me. I do this especially for Oscar, as he has told me that he doesn't like it. I don't intend (intend being the operative word) to buy them anyway. Regardless, they always choose to have them taken-even Oscar.
About three months later, they come rushing home pictures in tow. Large packets of them. Eight by tens, five by sevens, wallet size, bookmarks, key chains, refrigerator magnets. Just how many photos does one family need? Judging by what the photo company sends home, apparently hundreds. Hundreds of the worst imaginable pictures ever. There's Sammy with the ENORMOUS head...balding Lily..and Oscar (who after probably being prompted to smile five million times) looking like the before picture in a laxative ad. Yes, they are that bad. The worst part? Not only do my kids WANT me to buy them...they get upset when I say that I don't want to...couldn't possibly...NO! "But Mama"..Sammy says as tears pool in his luminous dark green eyes "don't you WANT a picture of me?" "Oh Sammy, buddy...it doesn't LOOK like you.." "Yes it does!" "No honey, your head couldn't possibly be that large..""My head doesn't look that big in the picture..""Honey, if it looked any bigger, N.A.S.A. would send a space probe...""But don't you want it Mama..(hiccup)...a picture of me?"...a single tear runs down his rosy cheek..Sigh..I say the only thing any self respecting mother would "O.K.buddy, if it means that much to you..." I smile, but inside, I am seething..
I know what those school picture companies are doing. Instead of sending home one picture, they send home the entire package. They KNOW the odds are, that our children will somehow guilt us into buying them all..I imagine the meeting in their corporate office.."First, we'll take bad pictures...print them on low quality paper..hahaha...and then haha...we'll send home the whole package..hahaha..the kids will beg for them..haha maybe even cr haha cr haha CRY! HAHAHA!...we'll make a FORTUNE!! MWhahahaha...mwhahahaha!" They are evil.
This year I decided to do something different. I decided that instead of buying them, I just wasn't going to return them. If the photo company wanted them back, they could come to my house and get them. They could talk to Sammy. Let them have a taste of their own medicine. So, I took the packages of pictures and put them in a box in my attic. The same box that I put last years and the year befores pictures. My kids haven't missed them. I figure that one day, after I am gone, they will find them and wonder "Just who ARE these odd looking kids...and why did Mama have so many pictures of them." In the mean time, I haven't heard a word from the photo company. Cowards.
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Comments (23)
I agree with you. I have three kids, and in the past, have felt OBLIGATED to buy every set of school, sport, dance, activity photo offered, though very few poses have ever made it out of the plastic sleeve. Now I know better and only buy the 8x10 or better yet a magnetized photo.
my mother always loved our school pictures, but we never did. i WISH she didn't always buy them, because more often than not we honestly never looked like ourselves. in high school alone my freshman year the photographer pushed all my hair out of my face and that's not how i wore it, then sophomore year i looked like i was going to cry, i had a creepy face last year and then FINALLY this year my senior portraits looked AMAZING and JUST like me... and my mom never bought them!
I worked for one of those picture companies. As your children get older, they will refuse to give your children their report cards at the school until the pictures are returned. Just an FYI.
My mom always got school pictures when I was younger until about jr high or so, until I got my senior pictures done (when I actually was able to pose in quite a few different poses and a couple of different outfits).
I think that school pictures (or at least, ordering them) are kind of odd and almost pointless now. Working in a day care, we work with two different companies. One that gives the parents proofs to look at, that are a couple of different poses. The other is one the parents have to order. I think that now that almost everyone has digital cameras and know more about their own kids and how long they're able to handle posing for you, it's more worthy to create your own photos.
As far as myself, I've gotten more awesome candid photos of my family this year than ever before. Mainly because I take a crazy amount of pictures of them. It's practice and I've gotten SOOO many little moments that I know will be cherished later on. The posing usually doesn't come until later when they're older. The posing should be kept with those who can. Not everyone can stay still long enough to handle it.
It was probably nice for parent's back in the day before EVERYONE had a camera. But buying school photos is so unnecessary now. Everyone has a camera and can take their own photos. Much, much better ones.
Personally, I find some of the things you said to your child quite disturbing. Granted I am all for tough love, but that should only be the case when the child is able to understand it and appreciate it for what it is. To tell a kid that his head is so big that NASA would need to send a probe to it, is very cruel and not very good parenting, especially when dealing with kids who would take such a thing literately. If you don't want to buy them, don't, but don't insult your children who are clearly proud of them.
I cannot fathom why you would deny your children the one "normal", don't really like that word but it works here, thing that they clearly care about. Yes, they might not see the pictures again after they are purchased, but it sounds to me like they are much more interested in you having a picture of them than themselves.
Now, maybe I am missing something here, but it seems like you should embrace the uniqueness of your children instead of shunning them. Quite honestly, reading this makes me instantly think of someone who is not quite sure what Autism really is. Clearly you do know about it, but your reactions to everyday issues do not make it seem so.
@sarahb_86@xanga - You really have no right to say weather she is being a good parent or not. You dont know her or her children. Just because that is your opinion doesnt mean you have to try and put someone down. She can parent how ever she pleases. Next time keep your offensive and unneeded opinions to yourself.
@alayshaj@xanga -
"You really have no right to say weather she is being a good parent or not."
Considering that she allowed for this to be published in an open forum on a public site for me and you to comment on, yes, I do. I have just as much right to call into
question her methods of parenting just as she would mine, assuming I had
kids, which I do not.
"Next time keep your offensive and unneeded opinions to yourself."
No thanks. Again, that would defeat the purpose of allowing something to be published on an open forum and allowing for people to comment on said piece. As for my comments being "offensive and unneeded", well, that is YOUR opinion. Funny how that can work both ways isn't it?
I may not know her kids, but I have helped raise a child with Autism and have more than a couple friends with it. I have had to learn what works and what doesn't in daily dealings with them, and telling them something that they are unable to recognize as a joke does not work. That is rule number one in things to know about Autism. The sad thing is having to point this out on a site dedicated to it!
Sarahb,
I know the author of the piece quite well. You've misread this piece badly. Might I recommend you go back and reread it with open eyes? I can assure you, she embraces, delights in and revels in the uniqueness of her children.
I'm pretty sure in all the rules about autism that the number one rule isn't what you assert. You have no idea the functional level of her children nor whether they get humor or not. What you've done is taken your experience and overlaid it on hers, and that's not likely to be an accurate representation or fair to her or her children. Humor in her house (and in mine, where I also have three children on the spectrum, ranging from 21 to 7) is a daily given. We laugh and we teach our children to laugh. We work to get them to understand nonliteral meanings. That might be our number one rule, if we were to be so brazen as to suggest one: reach beyond your grasp, grow, learn, and laugh.
This was a tongue in cheek piece about the awfulness of school pictures... I embrace my children and their uniqueness daily..they are THE BEST thing that has ever happened to me..I've never told my son his head was enormous-I did however point out that in that particular photo it appeared that way.
"The one normal my kids really care about" WHAT??? I invite you to come and read my personal blog(as this was a guest post for Irishautismaction)..my kids are fabulous and funny-and bright-and have wonderful senses of humor..I do not think of them as "less then" because of autism..Our lives are joyful-unfortunately, far too often in the autism community we are told that somehow our children are tragic-or something to be mourned..Funny thing when one writes about disability..people are so ready to take offense-because disability(to many) means you can only be serious..and talk about struggles..and hardship. I say NO to that. So many would rather talk about what they THINK people like my kids can't do-instead of seeing all that they CAN..all that they are..all that they are becoming. You can complain all you like-cast aspersions on my parenting, decide what you think the "Number one rule" is in autism..that' is your prerogative..Don't however underestimate my children-that is not.( your perogative).I don't buy school pictures either. If they send home the package, I send it back... usually. I figure it like this, If they send stuff home, even though I've asked them NOT to send things like that home with my kids... It's on them if it doesn't come back in the expected condition. My daughter's PRESCHOOL sent home these $20 books of coupons... guess what they got back... Yeah. WHY would anyone send home something like that with a four year old?
@sarahb_86@xanga - If her kid has the sense of humor to understand that its a joke... then what does it matter to you that she said something like that? Just because the ONE autistic child you dealt with couldn't take a joke, doesn't mean ALL autistic kids can't take a joke or understand humor. I don't know if my son would get a joke like that one, but I do know that for his ID picture at school he PURPOSEFULLY made a ridiculous face... and they let him keep it. :)
@keystspf@xanga - @autismherd -@alayshaj@xanga - @KWombles - (Might want to try hitting the reply button there Wombles....)
Quick everyone get their undies in a wad over my opinion of the tone of the piece....
I am not saying she has a bad relationship with her kids, hell I am not even saying she is some horrible person/parent. I am saying that the tone of the piece and the way she handled the situation was not necessarily the best way. Had you all actually been able to comprehend what I was really saying this would not even need to be said. Sorry if me thinking that telling an autistic child something that even a neurotypical child would take offense to is a bad way of handling a situation.
I am free to take whatever I want from this piece and if you do not like what I have to say, then don't read it. I am not putting a gun to your head and making you and I suggest that is criticism is something you cannot handle that you maybe not allow for comments to be added to your post next time.
So far as I am concerned, this is a dead horse and I have no further interest in beating it into paste.
@sarahb_86@xanga - Oh dear me, I think the person with a panties in a wad is you.
Oh but thanks for telling me to hit the reply button, because the way I did it was so wrong.
Per your own advice: you were free to move on and not read Kathleen's piece if you didn't like it. Good for the goose and all.
Sure you are free to take whatever you like from the piece (doesn't mean you read it right, though), and if you are free to offer criticism of the poster, we are equally free to criticize your comment. If you can't handle that, perhaps you want to reconsider posting?
Yes-of course..The" if you don't like it don't read it" gambit. Followed by the "I have nothing more to say so I am walking away" Actually Sarah HB-you did criticize my parenting... criticized what you thought was my lack of understanding of autism-and further accused me of "shunning" my children. Please review your first comment. As I stated-that was your prerogative. I did not say you shouldn't comment. Those are your words.
I also have the prerogative to counter your comments. Which I did. I did not attack you-I stated what I believed you were missing. I stated the reasoning behind my style of writing. I also said that it was your right to say what you liked about me. So your last comment makes no sense. Comprehension DOES seem to be the issue here.coach handbags
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This was the best ever! So far, weve only had the pictures where you pay in advance, send money in an envelope with your package selected and you get whatever comes home with. I think our district does it this way for "spring pictures" Did the school or teacher give you any grief for not returning them?
@ThatRainGirl@xanga - Hi! Actually, no they have never ever said anything. :) I do still wish that the company would send me a letter-or show up!...I now have 11-yes, ELEVEN! packets of the worst ever photographs ever taken. My oldest is now in the middle school-and he didn't bring any home this year-but my youngest will be starting kindergarten in the fall...So I suspect that I will have many many more. ;0
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Mom has the last laugh. mwahahaha
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