Saturday, 18 December 2010
Photo by Horia Varlan
I really don't understand people. They get upset about things and won't explain why they are upset. It doesn't make sense because if I knew why they were upset I would make sure I didn't do that thing again or I could do things in a different way to keep them from getting upset in the future. If I get upset about something, I will say exactly what upsets me (if I can find the words).
It must be really hard to be an NT.
Some people tell me I am supposed to already know why they are upset - without them telling me!
That sounds like a dangerous game to me. I am not a mind reader. I am not that other person. I can't possibly know why things upset them.
At my home, in my world, my husband and I are completely honest, transparent and direct. We explain things to each other. I am like that naturally, but my husband is not. He says NTs mostly aren't like that naturally but he has to be because I would never "get it" otherwise. He says NTs understand the truth behind the "half-truth" (that's still a lie to me) and they "read between the lines." Whatever. That's too confusing. I would rather just say it and everyone understands.
Work presents an interesting situation, though. If a person (a customer) calls and they are upset with the process or how their case is being handled, that isn't personal, it's work. I deal with that just fine.
But if someone I work with is upset with me, well, that's personal. I get upset, mainly because I don't know where their upset ends. Are they upset with me all over or just in that way? And if they are upset with me in just that way, how can they not be upset with me all over?
NTs deal with this every day and don't seem too bothered by it. It is "normal" for them. It must be stressful, though, all that guessing and assuming (there has to be a certain margin of error because NO ONE is a mind reader and that must cause more upset at times).
I feel like I am in a foreign country and no one taught me the lauguage or the culture and my very survival depends upon that knowledge. It is hard functioning in this world and people tend to forget or refuse to accept my differences. They expect me to be like an NT, but I can't. No matter how hard I try I can't be an NT.
This frustrates my husband sometimes, the confusion over being upset, the difference in my perceptions, understanding and way of thinking. He sees me struggling with a concept or situation though and is compassionate. However, at times that does not happen right away.
He has a hard job with me sometimes.
He says, though, that my differences are what makes our relationship work. He says he loves my differences, my uniqueness.
I just think people are really difficult sometimes. They act different, look different (different or funny expressions), seem upset and I think it is because of me.
And they usually don't tell me any different.