First, let me tell you what Elsie P just did (and she did it yesterday too!). She put my computer in full screen mode, and I couldn't get it out. I had to call Dad, who told me to use Task Manager so I could End Task and then open it and try again. It worked. Silly cat!
Anyway, Mom and I went to see Dr. J (psychiatrist) yesterday. It started off okay, with her asking about my recent... adventures, if you will, and we told her what I'd been up to. She was glad the lithium is working and reminded me that I'll need blood work every 3 months (I already need it for diabetes stuff, so this is no big deal). Then, things got a little sour...
She said she thinks it's time for us to consider a group home. I said that the only options are for people with MR who need a lot more care than I do, and she said, "Well, you're not exactly what I would call 'high functioning,' now more than ever. You should be much higher functioning than you are. I don't know what keeps you from living up to your capabilities." That upset me, because I'm doing the absolute best I can, and now she says it's not enough!
Well, she said, "I think it's time for you to consider moving away from Mom. There are AS/ASD-specific houses in the Philadelphia area, and those would be perfect for you." She told us about the organization. I said that I will not move away. No. Way!
Dr. J thinks the apartment was a mistake, that I'm not ready for it and maybe never will be. Mom says I'm "at a standstill" as far as gaining independence goes and have been for years, so she thinks I've reached my peak.
I get the feeling that Dr. J thinks that the thing holding me back is that I'm lazy. As I told Mom, I'm a lot of things, but rarely am I lazy! And when I am lazy, it's little things... really little things. I'm never lazy with the things that matter.
Dr. J wants me to go back to work. Mom says not yet, but that we'll get a job coach (through the Waiver) and maybe I can get a preschool job at my church, where hopefully I would be accepted more and there would be less stress because of the coach. If not at my church, maybe another church. Anyway, that's my job goal. Less than 10 hours a week right now, for sure. The reason Dr. J wants me to work is that she doesn't want me to sit around too much. She says that volunteering isn't enough, that I need to work. Hopefully a church preschool job would appease her.
So even though it's going against doctor's wishes, I am going to go back to the apartment once the Waiver is finished processing. I'm going to have staff a few times a week, hopefully, and have someone come to take me places once a week, if that works out. I'll go to the library, Starbucks to hang out, go to the shelter to volunteer, help out at church once a week, go to Bible study, and go to church and help with the kids, and I'll go to the study on Wednesday afternoons. Isn't that enough?
I'm still upset that she might think I'm being lazy. I'm kind of offended, actually. There are just things I don't do: I'm not lazy, I do NOT lie, and I'm almost never mean. It's just the way it is. So, like Mom said, if people go accusing me of those things, I can know in my heart (and maybe even say to them) that I am absolutely not whatever they say.
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