I keep being asked "What made you think your daughter might have Asperger's?" This is not an easy question to answer. There are many things about Rosey (btw, that's her middle name, which I use quite often) that just culminated in my husband and I saying "Something ain't right with that kid."
As an infant she screamed for four months. It stopped when we finally got her diagnosed with acid reflux. Actually, I diagnosed it and then had to be sneaky in getting our old-fashioned doctor to consider it. He was convinced it was colic. I was convinced there was something seriously wrong. I won.
Then there's the food issue. Got a picky eater? I bet your kid's got nothing on mine. She eats Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal, Cheerios, Vanilla Rice Krispies, vanilla yogurt, hot dogs, peanut butter sandwiches, Kraft Dinner, cheese pizza and McNuggets. For a bright kid, she either doesn't or chosen not to realize hot dogs and McNuggets are meat products. She abhors the idea of eating meat. I'd be okay with her being a vegetarian, except she refuses to eat vegetables, too. Fruit is very iffy. We're amazed she's healthy and right on track considering her limited diet. And by the way, she's the kid who will starve herself to the point of vomiting rather than finally eating something in front of her she doesn't like.
Next is her very literal interpretation of everything. Figures of speech have to explained to her, sometimes repeatedly. She accepts the meaning, but I can see it in her face that she finds it odd not to say exactly what you mean. I tried explaining some theological issues to her one night (theology is a favorite subject). When I said that God will always pick you up if you make a mistake and help you get back on the narrow path, she thought He'd physically pick her up and demonstrated by jumping up and plopping down on her bed. Next she looked around and argued that there was no path in her room, so how could He do that?
One thing I do love is her inability to lie. Even other mom's have figured out that they might
think their child doesn't lie, but mine really doesn't. She's not allowed to jump on her bed. One day we heard the tell-tale sounds coming from her room. Her dad called up, "Are you jumping on your bed?" Pause. Silence. "No." "
Were you jumping on your bed?" "Yes!" We've learned how to ask the question to get the right answer. Obviously when she stopped she was no longer jumping so her 'no' was the honest truth.
There are other things. Her inability to understand social cues when other kids are getting frustrated with her. Her inability to understand the concept of friendly teasing. Her belief that anything any other person does that she doesn't like was done on purpose to be mean to her. Her refusal to accept compliments or constructive criticism. Her refusal to speak to anyone she doesn't know, even if she really does. I'm not sure at what point she determines she "knows" a person. The latest thing her teacher and I have discovered is her inability to think outside the box with her lessons. Once she learns something, like addition or subtraction, that's the only way it can be done. There're no other possibilities, so don't even talk to her about it. She's also begun saying her work is too easy and boring. I'm not sure our school is ready to help an Apsie who's also gifted (just a thought) reach her potential. That concerns me because bored kids can become "trouble" kids. Just ask my brother.
We have at least one more session with the psychologist for the psych/ed assessment. Rosey hated the first session. Too many questions, she said. She was also highly insulted that I actually
paid someone to ask her so many questions. She is happy, though, that the doctor asked her to bring her Uno cards next time so they can play a round or two. She says this makes her happy because it means she won't have to speak to her during that time. Yep, sounds like an Aspie to me.
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Comments (13)
I'm an Aspie too - a LOT of Aspies are gifted and by and large the regular classroom will NOT work for her (at least not as her sole source of education). We want to know too much about the very few things we are interested in - most teachers can't handle that. Is there a gifted program in your school?
Rosey sounds an awful lot like me, actually - I am honest to a fault; the only reason I can "get by" in the NT world, just barely, is because I was forced to for 20 years, so I learned to "act" NT; although I am a Christian now (in the "born again" sense) I struggle a LOT and it took me a LONG time to figure out God and the Bible in a way that clicked for me. There is no "gray" area - although I can intellectualize why the concept of compromise makes sense and is beneficial I cannot apply it. (Most people see me as pigheaded.)
I can't handle light touch (like someone rubbing against me or tickling me - that causes a meltdown), but I LOVE deep pressure. I know for me, I CAN'T eat certain foods because of the TEXTURE...how they FEEL in my mouth...absolutely nothing to do with taste. If it feels funny when I eat it, regardless of how good it may taste, I can't have it. I can't filter out multiple noises in a room. I often rock back and forth to calm myself. The hows and whys of basic conversation confuse the heck out of me. Yet my IQ has been tested and confirmed to be at the genius level (160's, roughly).If you want to talk some more, feel free to message me. (:
I love being an aspie. Enough said
I don't like having Asperger's at all. I equally dislike me or anyone else having that as a label. In fact I think its horrible to label people by a disorder. I'm not an aspie, I have the bloody disorder, don't classify me by it. I am also a a mother, an artist, an electronics designer, a sailor and I'm kind, generous and well-read, if I have to be defined it should be by one of my skills or talents and not by a cutesy name of a disorder.
I am also fat. If this was a diet article you wouldn't, I hope, substitute Fatty for Aspie. Try reading it aloud with Fatty for Aspie if you don't get what I mean, its really a label that tells other people your definining characteristic, how they should think of you. You want people to think that of your daughter first?
@SavonDuJour@xanga - I recently got tested for Asperger's, and am awaiting the results. While I totally understand where you're coming from, fat or Aspie, it is important for a parent to address a condition that will present her child with difficulties. She is doing the right thing, and as it is, I hope will not stigmatize but rather guide her daughter through life as she grows.
@SavonDuJour@xanga - I actually think a lot of Aspies like being Aspies, and therefore are happy for people to "define" them as such.
You pretty much just described me as a kid, even down to the food choices and inability to lie and not wanting to talk to anybody and so on.
I really think I would have been diagnosed as having Asperger's or Autism if I was growing up these days, rather than 20+ years ago. I don't have either of those though; I was/am just "gifted", introverted, and socially anxious. But nowadays there has to be a label for everything; and Autism is being overdiagnosed just as ADD was in the 90s and 00s.
What I'm saying is... I hope you get a second and third and fourth opinion before slapping a label on her that may not be accurate. If you've already done that, then please excuse me.
@Just saying. - Don't get me wrong; the diagnosis was not in wide use for most of my childhood either (I am 20 - almost 21; AS was included in the DSM-IV and thus began being diagnosed in 1994...not widely by any stretch of the imagination until the '00s). I lived MOST of my life (16+ years) under those labels you describe (profoundly gifted, picky eater, startles easily, sensitive to sound and touch, can't/doesn't make friends...they were all just QUIRKS that made me WEIRD. AS and autism are being diagnosed now simply because we know more than we did in the 80's and 90's when you and I were growing up.
@CrazySwede@xanga - I'm not really sure what you're trying to say to me, but OK.
What I mean is that people need to be careful of being misdiagnosed these days, when they may truly just be "quirky" and "weird" (as you put it), sensitive, introverted, whatever-- not necessarily Autistic as some might brand them to be nowadays with all the Autism hype, just because they are different in thinking or perception from the norm. I'm saying I'm GLAD they didn't know much about it 20 years ago when I was a kid, because I'm quite certain I would have been labelled Autistic when in fact, I was not/am not. That's why I worry about the kids now who are like me... and who may get a label that isn't accurate.
@Just saying. - Oddly enough the characteristics that make me refer to myself as an Aspie aren't any of the above - it was the realization of my extreme SENSORY issues that finally made it apparent. There are definitely plenty of kids that are just shy, sensitive, and gifted (my best friend is one of them)!! Sorry if I made it seem otherwise.
Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't rock back and forth hugging themselves for want of deep pressure stimulation.Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't curse out a teacher for making them work in groups. Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't repeat the same mannerism over and over and over and over again.Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't freak out over the way the fabric of their clothes feels on their body.Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't need to self-stimulate themselves to calm down (see example 1; there are many others).Shy, sensitive, gifted kids don't cover their ears because the noise emitted from a CPU (under normal operating conditions) sounds like heavy metal it's so loud and intense.Shy, sensitive, gifted kids can filter out noise and sight and touch and taste and smell so they don't go into sensory overload.
What I'm saying is that a truly trained professional would not label every shy, gifted kid with an ASD. It's not just the social and intelligence aspects that factor into it.
@anawesomeaspie - out of curiosity, what is your favorite thing about being an Aspie? Any tips on how to effectively interact with aspies and form positive relationships?
@Justin_L - I've had WAY more experience with NTs than aspie. In fact, I only know one other person with asperger's. (and several I might suspect with it). I would say treat aspies as you would treat NTs, but that doesn't work, and you can't treat aspies like yourself, because not all aspies are a like.
@CrazySwede@xanga - I absolutely completely agree. I do psychoeducational assessments, and we are always extremely careful when diagnosing anything on the spectrum. The assessment always involves consultation with people who have known the individual for years, as well as about 4 sessions with the individual, and their parents (sometimes other family members) when it's an option.
If a parent comes to me with sensory concerns, especially light, noise, and food texture (and clothes, like the tags in clothes especially), I will think of a spectrum disorder as a possibility - but in many cases after 4 days of assessment will not make that diagnosis, if I can explain those symptoms away... it's called differential diagnosis. We narrow things down and only diagnose when were sure. I'm sure not all psychologists do that, but it is also hard to get a "second, third, forth" opinion... because it isn't an opinion, it's the findings of an assessment, and you can't take the same kid and assess them over and over. Usually you need to wait a year between a full assessment.
Anyways, I can see some people not loving the "cutesy" name, but I think people embracing can't be a bad thing. The difference between the fat and aspergers example, is if you were a fat person on a dieting website, you'd be trying to get rid of the "fat" - but people who call themselves aspies have no problem with it, and they don't see it as something to get rid of. They are on sites like this for support and to have people to relate to - not looking for a cure or treatment.
Good luck to you all! Regardless of the outcome, it sounds like your daughter is set for life because she has loving parents who love her with and without her quirks - whether or not there is a label for them.
Thank you for using the time and effort to write something which is invokinThank you for using the time and effort to write something so interesting.