Wednesday, 27 October 2010
I have Asperger’s, and I am also one of the very few (part-time) sex bloggers on Xanga. In the past, I had heard that some of them may not be as concerned with sex as the NTs. But I assumed that some of them were indeed sexual. I remember SerenaDante was wondering all about sex and Asperger’s. Sex is as physical as it is social, so, I thought I'd go on and investigate on the differences between NTs and Aspies on the idea of sex.
I was aware that one of the differences between Asperger's people, in terms of physical contact, is that some are either touchy feely to the point in not recognizing personal space (so, one would say) or some don't really like to be touched. So, I knew there was going to be an all-or-nothing difference. I read all different blogs about this. Life with Aspergers, a blogger site, explained that the main differences were that "on the one hand, there are the shy, prudish aspies who consider it a big deal to unbutton the top button on their shirt, or to wear shorts. At the other end of the scale, there are aspies who think nothing of nudity and aren't concerned who sees them." (“Teenage Sexuality and Aspergers”, Life with Aspergers, 2009)
If the attitude against people seeing themselves naked wasn’t enough of a clue, Squidoo discuss the visions. "Boys can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a girl who is merely being kind, and then later face charges of stalking her. An Aspie teen may have a fully developed female body and no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, making her susceptible to harassment and even date rape," said one blog on Squidoo.
This whole article suggests that when young Aspergians do engage in anything sexual, it is mostly a selfish affair. "Many times, the sexual interests of Asperger's teenagers are one-sided and not reciprocal. They misunderstand the situation and act too intense and very inappropriately."
"It's not at all uncommon for aspies to develop sex obsessions, even without a partner. Most of these obsessions are perfectly safe behind closed doors but if they are even discussed openly, there could be social problems. Aspies have a tendency to say just a bit too much," said another Life With Asperger’s article.
I personally don’t know if every one of them applies to me, but I’ll share my point of view. I am the person who admits to loving either sex or talking about it every now and then. I thought this was simply because of my zodiac, but it turns out that heightened senses for those with Asperger’s could also be based upon the sensation of it. My way of trying to avoid saying too much about it is by keeping a spare blog, where I eventually write about anything, including sex, in poetry form or facts from it. It’s not just a blog about sex or sexuality, but it is also one of my major outlets in trying to express the sexuality I can't express out loud.
Yes, I am interested in relationships, but I admit to being slightly inept, when it comes to getting relationships. I love kissing, I love hugging, I like touching every now and then. As far as communication is concerned, I never know what to say, or what to expect. I can’t even give a steady conversation without wanting to simply kiss someone.
In real life, I approach getting laid or getting dates pretty conservatively. I ask people out like you are supposed to. Calm, collected, and sure of what you want (which is always to go out with a person). I am no stranger to the irritation that comes with never getting a relationship based on effort. I was raised to be more considerate amongst a woman...which hardly ever works out. The result in me asking someone real out is that, at the end of the day, it goes nowhere. I wind up on my own faster than you can imagine. Nowadays, I just approach love this way: let someone ask me out. Supposedly, for those with Asperger’s, it’s much easier to let them ask us out. This way, it feels like someone is really interested in (or just being nice to) us.
The being said, I guess the problem with Asperger’s has a lot to do with 1) whether you are in touch with your sexuality, 2) trying to find the right thing to say or right way to approach it, and 3) trying your hardest to approach you want, without saying too much.