It's been so long. I'm truly not sure where to begin.
My heart has just not been in writing lately. A blog that I used as a cheap -- and prolific -- form of therapy for almost a year became too hard to keep up.
I did a little soul-searching to find out how this happened. Was it simply a case of burn-out?
Nope. I realized that the reason I stopped writing is that I lost interest in writing various versions of the same theme. Basically, I got sick of my own story: Issues abounding, with no end in sight. And the same old too little time and money to affect some positive change.
Why it got downright depressing. I guess I had hoped that all our efforts and our hopes would amount to more than they actually did.
But for all the things that have remained constant, we have had some changes in the last couple of months. First, after nine months, we had to say farewell to our in-home team at the end of August. While I was sad to see them go, it was time. We had gotten all we were going to get from this program and it did help -- somewhat. On the positive side, we were not left without support.
When school started, Big Brother started an therapeutic after-school program at a center that specializes in treating kids on the autism spectrum. Its the same place he did his summer camp, and I'm really impressed with their knowledge and expertise. They will be working on the many behaviors that are so ingrained in our son.
He has also started doing Cross Country. For a cheap, local recreation program, we are seeing some amazing positive gains. Our son has a runner's build and is a born long-distance runner. As an added benefit, he loves it. But the most amazing thing is that on the evenings that he runs, he's in a great mood -- no meltdowns or aggression. And that, my friends, is priceless.
He is also liking school and by all accounts he is doing well. This another HUGE success.
Unfortunately, our twin roulette continues. School is very hard and very stressful for Twin Sister. She has been struggling with both mood and attention since it began in August. We are beginning to suspect that in addition to her anxiety and ADHD, that there are some underlying learning difficulties. She will begin testing in a couple of weeks, so hopefully we'll get some answers -- and possibly the school will agree to put her on an IEP for some additional supports at school.
I mentioned back in the spring that we reluctantly got local Social Services involved. That was a blessing in disguise. They're not only helping us with these after-school services, but also giving us support for some of our Little Guy's needs. He is in preschool five days a week and will be starting OT and a social skills group in the near future. And while I have one in preschool, our Big Girl has just started high school and loving it.
You'd think that with all these great things, life would be good. But in fact, it remains largely unchanged for us. We still live in a house where screaming, swearing and chaos rules. Big Brother still scares his little brother and kicks holes in our walls. Just yesterday, he threw a toy and broke it.
Twin Sister still melts down on a regular basis. She can't seem to complete the simplest, one-step tasks. And she continues to lie and steal when stressed.
While the kids' current therapies are being taken care of, we're buckling under the weight of their past medical bills and my current ones. This stress is getting worse and worse as we struggle unsuccessfully to make ends meet each month. In turn, it adds to the household stress level and starts us in a familiar downward spiral.
Ah, see what I mean...depressing.
But, somehow, we continue to muddle through. As I write, I realize I miss this. I miss all my blogging friends -- visiting your sites and reading your comments. The support you all provide is amazing.
So, while I make no promises, I want to come back. After all, writing is good for the soul. At least mine.
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Comments (1)
So... I don't really know who you are, and I've never really read your page before, but I stumbled across it today and I thought it was a little unfair that you posted two days ago after a long hiatus and no one has commented yet. I wanted to rectify that simply by saying that I have read your post and welcome back. I hope things only continue to get better for you and your family.