Today was a gorgeous fall day so we took the kids for a walk in the wagon. On our walk we came across a mom and her son on their way to the playground. As soon as the boy caught sight of the wagon he came running over. He crouched real low walking behind the wagon and watched the wheels as they turned. And when Odum stopped to say hi the boy started to push the wagon to keep it going and didn’t make any effort to say hi.
He followed us for a good ten minutes just watching the wheels. The whole time the mom was trying to persuade her son to go to the park to no avail. To me it seemed like the boy may have had autism or a sensory seeking issue like Tristan. I tried to make a little conversation saying “oh he really likes wheels”. And she said “ya he loves watching wheels”, in an effort to let her know I understood I told her Tristan loved watching wheels too. I really wanted to chat and ask this mom if her little guy had autism, but I didn’t want to offend her if I was wrong, or if he hadn’t been diagnosed. But just the look in her eyes told me I wasn’t wrong, because I know I’ve had that look in my eyes too. The look that is vulnerable, that please don’t judge my child look, the defensive yes he like wheels what do have to say about it look, and the knife to the heart look when you see younger kids behaving “normal”.
A few weeks ago I had a similar experience with Tristan. We were playing in the park outside our house and a bunch of trucks had been left out. So of course Tristan made a bee line for the trucks and started to line them up. Another boy and his mom where out too and the boy tried to play with Tristan. Tristan wasn’t having any of it and I made Tristan give up at least one truck to the other boy. I learned that the boy was two and he kept asking his mom what Tristan was doing. This was a knife in the heart moment for me. This kid was a year younger than Tristan and able to communicate with his mom, and did so by asking what was up with my child. I didn’t want them to judge Tristan or make fun of him for how he was playing. And for a split second I wished that Tristan would be able to share the trucks and play with another child.
Don’t get me wrong I know Tristan will get there and if he’s lining up trucks until he’s 20 that’s fine with me, I love him unconditionally. I’m just writing to give you an insight into what us parents with kids with autism go through. So if you see a child at a park or where ever and they are doing something a little unusual, have an open mind and open heart. What they’re doing may be soothing to them if they have sensory issues, they might not have learned some social cues yet and they may still be working on some self help skills. What they’re doing isn’t bad or wrong or weird it’s just a bit different than what you’re used to. As parents we all want our children to be accepted and understood and this couldn’t be truer for parents of kids with autism. I think next time I see that mom I’ll say something so she knows that I know and that Tristan and I think watching wheels is the coolest thing in the world to do.
Read original post
Recommend
Comments (1)
I can so relate to this. I do have one peice of advice for all of us out there though. Don't hesitate to speak up. I know it can be difficult, you don't want to upset people you have just met. However, sometimes it is that little comment or nudge in the right direction that helps so much. Maybe her son was diagnosed - it would have made her feel less alone to find she had simply bumped into someone who understood. Or maybe her son was not diagnosed - open up a dialoge and then gently lead into it. You see, this is how we finally got on the right track for my son. I will be forever in debt to a woman who's name I do not know and have not seen sense the day she struck up a conversation with me about my then 4 yo son. We knew something was different about him, but not what. She started out comparing things Mikey did to her own son, then after a while said "You know, my son has Asperger Syndrome. Its a kind of autism. Have you ever considered getting your son tested?" She opened a door and gave me a name for what was different - not wrong but different. We went ahead with testing and less than a year later we had a diagnosis. It would have been much longer if she had not spoken up. So please, don't be afraid to comment because yes, sometimes you will be wrong but you never know when you might save a mother or family a lot of heartache.