Don't ya hate when people LIE to your face?
Don't ya hate when someone says something to you in earnest and then when pressed, in front of his/her boss, that person does a complete 180?
Don't ya hate when everyone conspires against you - so you cannot get what you want?
I guess this happens in the workplace fairly often, but when this happens it affects your child's welfare - it is devastating.
I made the mistake of confiding in some of Ava's therapists prior to her IFSP meeting. I wanted more hours, more services and a better plan to help her improve. She is not getting better. She is getting worse. I see it. I know it. The test scores prove it. And my heart is breaking for my child.
We hired a lawyer to get what we wanted -- and she was a nincompoop. She did nothing. She wasted our money and behaved like a buffoon. I could have gotten a chimpanzee to do a better job.
But what hurt me most was the the therapists who vowed to fight for Ava and help us get what we need for her, turned their backs on us and denied that she needed the services we were requesting. They did complete 180s. They feigned concern for her, but backed down when they were questioned about the necessity of the services. And NONE of them could look me in the eye.
Today a few of those therapists came to the house for their scheduled sessions. Sweetly, one of the asked me, "how I felt about the meeting." I answered with sharpness, "I do not want to talk about it and I am no longer telling any of you anything about our plans for Ava's services." The therapist told me, "sometimes our hands are tied, but you can take it a step further and go to court." I told her I no longer wanted to talk about it, but if she wanted to tell me HOW she was going to help Ava now, I am willing to talk to her about that. I was fuming inside.
Screw her! What if her child was autistic? How would she feel when people turned their backs on her kid? I so wanted to curse her out and tell her I hoped she had a hard time sleeping that night. Every night, for that matter!
And the excuse - "sometimes our hands are tied"? This is MY CHILD'S LIFE and you all are doing a political dance in my dining room! My sweet, darling child, who has a hostile world around her and cannot utter a word to tell us how she feels is a victim of a broken system that does not want to help her recover. When a child is suffering and needs treatment, IS THERE TIME FOR POLITICS? When Ava can't live on her own when she is 21, when she can't tie her shoe when she is 15, when she can't ask to go to the bathroom or is wearing a diaper as an adult, I hope they are filled with regret and shame. Every time she can't call me "Mommy" when she is scared or hurt, I hope this haunts them and it haunts me.
And where else can my daughter turn? Who else will help her? She has a small window of opportunity to possibly get out of this abyss of autism and no one will throw her a lifeline. I thought I had these therapists on our side. I thought they cared. But in front of their bosses, for the sake of politics, they remained silent to my pleas.
I felt such anger today that these therapists have abandoned my daughter. It is just a job to them. They are not allowed to push the state to help a child, they just have to fill the service hours alotted to them. Their hearts may break for the kids they care for -- but there will always be more kids. The system is set up for failure. The system is set up to put a loose band-aid on a child until she reaches three years old and is now the school district's problem. But by three, it may be too late. By three, she may already be lost.
And don't come into my house and feign concern for my autistic child. I hate how selfish and two-faced people are.