Thursday, 27 May 2010

• "The Dating Guide for Teenagers with Asperger Syndrome" : Book Review

  
  
  

  Title: The Guide to Dating for Teenagers with Asperger Syndrome

  Author: Jeannie Uhlenkamp

  Cover: A bit conspicuous (but then again I might not have picked up the book at all if it wasn’t), and a little childish (cartoon characters on the cover are a bit much). Also, “Teenager on the Autism Spectrum” would have been a better title than “Teenager with AS” because the latter seems to exclude Kanner’s Autistics, who could also benefit.

  Foreword: About the Foreword, forewarned is forearmed. If I were giving this to another teen on the spectrum, I would take the foreword out. It is targeted to the parent/professional giving the book and not the teen reading it. As the receiver, I might take offense to this foreword.

  Actual Text: The book is written in a question and answer format. After each answer, the main idea is listed along with discussion questions.

  Pros

  -Defining phrases which are not explicit/definitive ( ex.”likes you more than a friend,” “beat yourself up”, “two-timing”,).

  -Very concrete suggestions (ex. after writing “apply deodorant several times a day at school” it adds the not-so-obvious to Aspies “in the nurse’s office or bathroom”). I imagine the book was tested on an audience of spectrum teens, and their feedback was used to clarify any potentially confusing or misleading lines.

  -Although addressing some spectrum-specific issues (ex. Will my sensory issues interfere with my ability to date?), the book goes out if its way to cement the idea that many of the issues facing Aspies are actually faced by all teens. This makes the odds of success seem a bit better.

  -Unlike many books targeted towards individuals with Asperger’s, this one does not make the assumption that all Aspies are male. Questions from males and females are fielded, and a male and female “dating-expert” alternate providing answers.

  -I really liked the answer to the question about sensory issues and dating (I would consider it my biggest obstacle in the dating world). The book mentioned ways to bridge the issue with a date, accommodations (like taking outside breaks when visiting the mall), and alternatives (like hand-holding instead of hugging).

  -I also liked the fact that they addressed the unpleasant but true fact that some men (and perhaps women) will lie about love in order to have sex . Two acquaintances of mine were proposed to, slept with, and dumped the following week, and it’s an important thing to watch out for.

  Cons

  -The discussion questions and summaries after each point are excessive and distracting. A more useful option would have been to place a section at the end of each chapter which listed the main points from each answer and several discussion questions.

  -Some of the definitions are a bit condescending and unnecessary. Most teens with an ASD, for example know the meaning of the word “accommodation”.

  -I felt some issues were left under-addressed or ignored completely. For example in the “What should we talk about section”, there was no mention of special interests and the “Aspie-monologue”.

  -Some advice I thought was rather poor. For example in response to, “I made a special meal for my boyfriend and he didn’t acknowledge it,” the book suggests that the cook was not allowing the boyfriend to have his own feelings or be free around her, and it was her issue, not his, that he didn’t respond. This answer really seemed way off the mark to me.

  -Some things certainly could have been explained better or more specifically. For example in the “My girlfriend wants a special song and I don’t want one” question, the response was that some girls like special songs so you should let her pick one. It would have been better to explain why a special song is important to people (as a reminder of the person, a secret, or a connection to a specific shared event, etc.). Also broad statements like “Make sure your body language lines up with your verbal language” should have been supplemented with a list of body-language meanings, even if they were given in a reference section at the back of the book.

  -The book only mentions/addresses heterosexual relationships. It wouldn’t have taken much additional effort to include a few pages addressing issues specific to queer adolescents on the spectrum, or, if this were not a possibility, to have a few of the general questions be written by queer teens.

  Overall Rating

  I would give this book 2.5 to 3 stars out of a possible 5. I’m glad I found it on a bargain table, as I do not believe it is worth the full-price of $20. Despite the title, the book was not truly a book written for Aspies, but one which would be helpful for the general population. Books written by individuals on the autistic spectrum, or which at least include personal stories written by individuals on the spectrum would be far more useful. The author suggests using this book as a currciulum to be studied by parents and teens together. A better strategy might be for the parent to read the book first, post-it note sections which might need additional clarification or input (for example, a “Let’s talk about this one” on the section on masturbation so you can discuss house rules or religious/moral views which have an influence), an the offer that the teen can feel free to ask you any questions or share any thoughts which arise while reading the book. This makes the book less of a chore and more of a reference/resource.

  
  
  

  Image Source

  • 10:00 AM
  • 1831 Views
  • 4 eProps
  • 1 Comment