Sunday, 23 May 2010

  • Awkward Food Situations




    I will admit that I am a very picky eater. Having no sense of smell, taste is irrelevant to me, but consistency is of the essence. So when the meals are up to me, I tend to choose from a limited menu of items, mainly ramen, burgers, fries, pizza,and tuna fish. I won’t eat anything creamed, whipped, gravied, or buttered. Actually, as many parents of kids with sensory issues know, “won’t” isn’t exactly the right word there. I can’t eat anything creamed, whipped, gravied, or buttered. The mere sight of lemon meringue pie has me running for cover.(Actually, when it’s served at the dining hall, all of my friends know to put up folders, napkin holders, or some other opaque item to keep it entirely out of my sight). When my thumb runs along the rest of my fingers in three sets in quick succession, it’s a signature move that a consistency is bothering me, and something needs shielding.

     

    But this poses a problem when I’m not at a cafeteria or among close friends, for example when I am invited to stay for dinner at a friend’s house. In many of these cases, the parents serve a food that I will not (cannot) eat, particularly macaroni and cheese or creamed corn. If I ask that it not be put on my plate, this can be (I’ve learned), taken offensively by the hostess who takes it as an insult to their cooking. If I allow it to be put on my plate and don’t touch it, this can be taken offensively, and is a waste of food (unless of course, a tween/teen sibling is present and the controversial food is not a vegetable). Not wanting to offend the host(ess), particularly if it is a first time at the house, I’m usually left in an awkward state.

     I know the proper etiquette is to take a few bites of the less than ideal food, say something complimentary about the cooking, and then claim satiation, but with most problem foods, the issue is non-negotiable. Even one bite would be one bite too many.

     I’ve tried claiming allergy, but that complicates matters further, because parents tend to remember allergies, so declining Mac n Cheese, for example, will exclude any future chances of an offer of pizza, a coveted dish. Then I have to admit to lying about the allergy, and that is a terrible start to a relationship.

     Any suggestions on how to handle this delicate issue without offending a host or lying? It’s an issue I’ve been struggling with for over a decade and still haven’t worked out a useful solution to.

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Comments (9)

  • BohemianLotus@xanga

    I read your other blogs. In one of them you talk about a boy you work with having gone through a feeding therapy of sorts to increase the number of foods he will eat. Why don't you do the same thing for yourself, and go through the same types of therapy, and broaden the number of different foods you will eat?

    Aside from that, I would just be honest with the hosts. Tell them you have a sensory disorder, and that creamy foods trigger reactions that you have yet to have any control over. Be sure to say "have yet to have any control over" and not "don't have any control over" - because if you say you don't have any control over it, it will appear as though you aren't trying and are just using sensory disorder as an excuse to only eat what you want. But if you say "Have yet to have any control over" it insinuates that you are trying to "get over it" and just haven't gotten there yet. Which will get you a lot more respect and more than likely let you off the hook without offending them.
  • SavonDuJour@xanga

    @BohemianLotus@xanga - That's a very clever answer.
  • marakaplan

    My daughter who is 13 and SPD which at this point is basically limited to food has begun to learn to explain that she has SPD which limits her choices of food.  It is very hard for her because teen pressure is never easy.  She practices with the people she feels the most comfortable with and hopefully, she will reach a point that she can explain her issues as easily she does her brothers' who profoundly disabled.  Good luck and keep us posted.  I would love to share any of your success stories with my daughter.
  • the_kcar@xanga

    My youngest doesn't eat eggs. He mentions these things directly, and mentions his autism directly, well in advance of the plans, or - if it's an immediate, he shies off the immediate offer [trying to be polite].

    It's hard, and awkward, at best. For what it's worth, I understand.
  • Springingtiger

    Why not make known to all and sundry that you have some dietary problems so that when they invite you they inquire at the same time whether you can eat what they are planning to cook. It usually works, if you advise people in advance they are usually happy to oblige and will be curious enough to seek an explanation so you get an opportunity to enlighten the too.
  • pnklace@xanga

    you should pick up Asian friends
  • queenelizabeth03@xanga

    I think well-timed, tactful honesty is the best policy. I actually faced a food situation myself a few weeks ago. I don't have any sensory issues (though my brother has Asperger's), but I eat kosher. I was invited to a fellow grad assistant's house for a lunch meeting--a home barbeque. Fearing there would be pork products, I sent a friendly email offering to bring something, casually mentioning that I was kosher, but otherwise flexible in dietary needs. And, since she was planning to have pork shish-kebobs, she made sure to have roasted vegetables for me.


    At the other end, as a hostess, I would be so embarrassed if I cooked a whole bunch of foods my guest was not able to eat! Therefore, I always try to ask when I have people over if they have any special dietary requirements. I think if you can find a gracious, tactful segue into the conversation to mention that, it might be smoother. It's a definite courtesy to let people know ahead of time if there are potential restrictions or problems.


    Good luck!
  • the_rocking_of_socks@xanga

    You should probably make that person aware of your food issues well in advance.  But most people will usually ask if there are any food allergies or preferences before inviting someone to dinner, especially if it's the first time having them over.  
  • mahboobiesHURT@xanga

    This is the first time I've really become encountered with this, sooo im a little confused... What does the consistency of it have to do with you not being able to eat it?  Since you have no sense of smell? I dont get how the consistency has to do with the taste if you cant smell it @__@ -confused-

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