My son is so competitive it drives me crazy. We can’t play games at all, ever. He melts down and the afternoon is ruined. I have tried a lot of creative things to handle this. I started with the Yo Gabba Gabba song, “Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose.” He looked at me and said, “I don’t know it.” Then I thought we would role play “losing” and saying congratulations to the stuffed animals. He threw them across the room. I don’t know how long this phase is going to last. I even tried the “When we compete we don’t complete” line I heard on Dharma and Greg. I gave up. We just can’t pick plastic cherries off a cardboard tree right now.
I decided that this was a male thing because Frances hadn’t done this. I was grateful that women didn’t act that way. We love each other, we support each other. No one would ever cry and pout forever over having to slide down a chute instead of going up a ladder-right? Right? Who is with me girls??????
Anyone who says “Heck yeah!” has not been pregnant and given birth lately.
How you give birth has become our pissing contest. It is our version of “size ” if you know what I mean. You see a woman with a baby snug in a sling around her front or you see her with a sweet little baby in the car seat carrier being pushed in a stroller and you wonder. You wonder if she gave birth in a tub of water while her closest friends danced outside in the moonlight. You wonder if she scheduled a c-section and was able to get her hair done, her toes painted, and a good night sleep the night before. You wonder how long she held out at the hospital before she begged for an epidural. You wonder if it took less than five hours on a birthing ball. All of this from one sweet little baby….
At the time of this writing, I have four girlfriends who have successfully given birth at home. Hurray for them!
At the time of this writing, I can’t count all the other women.
Some did it the normal way without any pain medication-hurray for them!
Some did it the normal way with pain medication-hurray for them!
Some of them had c-sections-hurray for them!
Some of them had VBACS-hurray for them!
Some of them had repeat c-sections-hurray for them!
Maybe I’m being too much of a socialist for some of my friends, better knock it off, but remember what I told my son, when we compete we don’t complete.
What we need to do is share our own experiences, articles, and blog entries that were helpful to us. Then all the other women can take what we used and form their own opinions.
I’ll use myself and one dear friend quite different from myself as the examples. Yes, I have her permission.
I had three c-sections. My first child was breech. I did anything and everything I could do to get her to turn. I lay upside down, I played music and flashed lights in the direction I wanted her to go, I rocked out the pelvic tilts. You can ask my husband-I did it! Then we scheduled the external cephalic version-and she still wouldn’t budge. (BTW-I consider that morning to be my labor-another post another day.) I scheduled the c-section. With the next two babies, my husband and I decided that the repeat c-sections worked best for us-but I did let both babies go into labor, so I knew they were ready to arrive.
That is MY story. I personally did not pursue VBACS. But, if you are going to look at the pros/cons to VBAC or repeat, here were MY thoughts:
1) Are you going to have help with your older child or children? You can’t do anything else but take care of that baby for two weeks.
2) How many children do you want? If you want a big family, c-sections might not be the best thing for your uterus.
So, in case anyone was wondering about the “size” cough, cough, of my birth, that was it.
Now, I have a girlfriend with three children. Just like me, she had her girl first and her boys came later. She did it all at home. She trusted her body, lit the candles, pushed the munchkins out, and then ate mac and cheese in her own bed. Wowsa. If you asked her what she would do, she would give you a different story. Even with the breech babies-she knows competent professionals prepared to deliver butt first.
Which one of us is bigger? In my mind-we are the same size. You take my story, you take her story, you take hundreds of other stories, and then you write your own. Just make sure you educate yourself and always consider the sources. Most importantly, avoid the “haters.” There are people out there that are going to share their stories not to help you write your own, but to judge you and pressure you to do things you might not feel comfortable with. If you aren’t comfortable giving birth at home don’t do it. If you aren’t comfortable having your stomach cut open over and over again, don’t do it. Ignore the haters and trust yourself to make the right choices FOR YOU.
The bottom line is there are lots of ways to give birth and while all ways are rewarding miracles, none of them are completely pleasant. Twilighters? Think about Bella’s pregnancy in the first half of Breaking Dawn. I have said it before, Meyer is the ultimate “Mommy blogger.” You can read that book like one big tribute to motherhood. Pregnancy can suck, other women love and hate you for it, and your worst enemy can have your back while the men sit around dumb founded and yell at each other. Brilliant when you think about it. I am thrilled no vampire ever got ME pregnant…
None of it, and I mean none of it, is not going to matter when that angel that you snuggle up close to or drag around in the car seat has his/her first tantrum. “Oh Mommy! Did you labor for 48 hours in our living room until Daddy finally caught my head with his own bare hands? Let me quit coloring on the walls right now!” If your child does that give him/her a gold star from me.
Please stop wondering about my size -save that for the men.
Now I must go let my four year old kick my ass at UNO so he won’t cry later….
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