This will be a multi-parted blog, and will become one of the many focus points of my new blog. This introductory blog will just be an overview, with later blogs focusing on certain aspects of our relationship, how we work through them, and how we make it work.
For those of you who don't know, I'm 23, and I'm in the first boyfriend/girlfriend relationship of my entire life. Today (April 14th) marks our two months together. You can read more about my girlfriend and I's meeting up story on my Datingish post from a couple of months ago (link).
My girlfriend is a neurotypical. I will admit, it's not easy sometimes, and she does sometimes get irritated with my quirky mannerisms. I'm often oblivious to what she's feeling (due to my reduced capacity to detect non-verbal cues), and sometimes she thinks I might not care. The truth is I really do care about her. Very much. I've never in my life loved anyone or anything the same way I love Tracy. I wish I could express it better.
We're learning to get along though. Sure, we have our disagreements. We've had a few absolutely nasty disagreements. One thing that's particularly difficult for me is learning how to compromise and how to give-and-take. Me and my Aspie ways have been so rigid for so many years, and all of a sudden this change has caused me to have to change a little bit (for the better), but it's just so hard. Of course there are those things that I'm unwilling to change (for example, my stance on modern medicine), and though it bothers her a bit, she's learned to accept that and she respects my decision on that aspect.
I'm lucky that I was able to find someone with similar interests as me, and in as many ways as we're different, we're compatible in so many more ways too. I'm a first year graduate student studying applied and computational mathematics. She's a third-year undergraduate astronomy major/math minor, with intentions of pursuing graduate school in astronomy. We both share similar interests other than our academic careers: we're both beer lovers, musical, and we enjoy taking walks and working out together. We are also both staunch atheists, though we both enjoy participating in services at the local Unitarian Universalist fellowship.
We really try to concentrate on how we're compatible vs. how we are in completely contrast of one another. It is a challenge, and I always said it would take a very special person to put up with me. Tracy is a very special person. As an aspie, I always thought I was incapable of feeling or expressing love, and that was just how I was. Well, we all learn stuff about ourselves we didn't know. I had no idea I could love like this, and that someone would come along that would be willing to make this work. For this reason, I definitely feel very blessed.
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Comments (3)
It's wonderful to hear stories from ASD adults.
How wonderful for you (and Tracey) that you've found someone who is willing to bend and learn the nuances of your personality to get to know you.
You both are special people and I was so happy to read this....... gives me hope for my own son's future....
My wife and I have been married for nearly 30 years - together for even longer. I had the advantage that back then I had not been labeled with Asperger's and so had no preconceptions about it affecting my relationships. Eventually we formed a partnership wherein we each supply strengths and compensate for each other's weaknesses. The eventual diagnosis explained much about our relationship but I doubt if it would have helped when we were younger. Most important things - love, commitment and a sense of humour.
I've been married for nearly 12 years... John is pretty much NT... I'm an unofficial Aspie. I can't/don't want to seek an official diagnosis for a number of reasons. One of the things that I have found strengthens my relationship with John is to purposefully push past the things that bother me and do things with him that I would never have dreamed of doing on my own. One of them was going to a shooting range and shooting his 40 caliber pistol. I am extremely frightened by guns. I hate loud noises with a passion, but it was something he was interested in... so I did it. I actually had fun, even though I was jumping every time someone fired. I shot quite well too. I still have the target. :)
I also forced myself to get over all the things that terrified me about motorcycles. I now have my motorcycle license. :) It was interesting to do... because I was put into a position where a moment of panic could mean a serious accident. So, I HAD to learn to remain calm and focused. I wouldn't recommend this for anyone who hasn't gotten a handle on controlling the urge to panic, but it was a great step that taught me a lot about myself. John loves to ride. Now I'm not nearly as afraid of getting on a motorcycle with him.
We have three kids too... that has been a really interesting experience. :)