Sunday, 25 April 2010
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How does one respond?
I was talking to a friend the other night and this was our conversation:
J (him): did you know i have a sister w/ autism?
K (me): no.
J: well, i do. and sometimes i feel guilty about wondering what it would be like to have a normal sister
K: *speechless*
That was it, but its stuck with me. I doubt he remembers the conversation, for he was not sober, but i have a feeling what he told me is true.
How does one respond to that last statement made by him?
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- From: orchestra3241@xanga
- Name: Kelly
- About Me: I love to hang out, I love to meet new people. I also love roller coasters and cars
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Comments (10)
Just reading what he said It sounds to me like a statement of someone who's tired and hurting who let a thought I'm sure a lot of people have from time to time slip out. I guess the response would depend on the tone of voice and intent when he said it.
I agree. I suppose an appropriate comment at that moment could have been something along the lines of "I understand it's frustrating at times. I'm sure there are things about your sister that you love, though." That way it's confirming his feelings, which I'm sure many have, while reminding him of something positive.
People are complicated... an expression of one feeling is seldom the whole story. Most people experience conflicting emotions, especially around something like a family member with autism. I would, like @tsh44@xanga said, take it for what it was, a moment. :)
Everything you say might sound patronising. Best to just make a noise somewhere between sympathetic and understanding.
I would tell him that it is within the human nature to think such things. I cannot think of one person,m including myself on both me and my nephew, who doesn't wonder at one point or another what it would be like to be "normal." The problem is convincing yourself, or in this case him, that there is no "normal." We are all flawed on one way or another, even if we do not always know it.
My younger son has occasionally said this of his older brother ... younger son is 8 now. It's best to just be sympathetic and we explain why having an autistic sibling can actually be a blessing. He's getting it now that he's a bit older but when he first posed this question to us (3 or 4 yrs ago) it was a bit mind-boggling at the thought that such a young child could be observant/precocious enough to come up with that,
I, myself, am Autistic... never once have I tried to "Fit in". Never. I never WILL try to fit in, either.
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Its not really hurtful. I wonder about what may have been if I had a "normal," non-autistic little brother. What my life wouldve been like growing up. How my relationship with my mother would've been. If I would still be as protective of both my brothers as i am now (my older one is somewhere between ADD and high functioning autistic, though he was never diagnosed as autistic).
The reality is that my brothers are who and how they are and I have not only accepted that but i celebrate their uniqueness and immense powers of creativity and brilliance.
@SavonDuJour@xanga - thats what i did...and gave him a hug.