Wednesday, 21 April 2010
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Chronological Age vs. Mental Age
At 22, the world views me as an adult.. I can drive a car (usually), I can vote, and I could even drink if I wanted to (meh, no thanks). People frequently remind me of this fact... my stepdad and my case manager are the most notable examples.
But let me tell you a not-so-secret secret. There's very little about me that's adult.
My interests are those of probably a 4th grader. I love VeggieTales the same way that I loved them when I met them at 10 years old. I started reading Little House on the Prairie when I was about 8, and just last year I asked for the full set for Christmas. I was Laura Ingalls for a school event in 5th grade and junior year of college. Also in college, I would go to the Curriculum Library (for education majors) and read the books there. Now, I go to the local library and go to the juvenile section. Even the teenage fiction books are too much for me... I can read academic papers and understand, but I can't follow the plot of a teenage or adult fiction book. I've tried to convince myself many times that I care about boys, but the fact is that I don't. I'd much rather have my cat.
I'm also very attached to my mother the way a child would be. I depend on her, even though she's tried to raise us to be independent. I'm afraid to go places without her. I'm okay staying in the house by myself, but I'm happier when my mom is home.
At work, there's a girl who comes in to do community service for her school. She's 15 but acts much younger. To be truthful, so far, she's the only person I can really talk to at work. The other adults just... they're adults. I don't have anything to talk to them about.
I've been thinking about the women's bible study I went to at my church, and I think this is the problem. Mentally, I'm much younger than they are. Their interests are husbands and jobs, and mine are children's books, Alton Brown, and my cat. There's a "ministry to the disabled" at my church, and I emailed the woman in charge. She said that the people range in ability and functioning levels from able to drive and hold down a job to unable to communicate. I wonder if I would be more comfortable at this ministry. I feel like it's labeling myself as disabled, which I don't really want to do, but at the same time, I want a place and people at church that feels like home.
I wasn't always so behind in terms of mental age as I am now. The gap has grown as I've gotten older, if that makes sense.
Some days I think about trying to play catch up. But you know, I don't think I'd be happy if I did that. I like what I like. If those things happen to be things that people younger than me typically like, then so be it. It would be nice if I could find one adult interest to talk to other adults about... maybe Alton Brown counts?
I just wish there were something that told people who meet me that I'm not a "real" adult. People ask me questions that I can't answer all the time. They expect me to know things. I guess that's the thing about autism... it's on the inside, not the outisde.
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About the Author
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- From: autisticspeaks
- About Me: I'm 22, a Christian, and a recent college grad with usually-high-functioning autism, though it depends on the day. I'm trying to figure out how I can live the life I've dreamed of with autism in it. The photo is from Disney World, right before we went on the Safari... possibly the most excited I've ever been in my life!
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Comments (3)
I remember when I was about 19-20 feeling very much the same way. I still had plastic swords and stuff hanging on my walls and tons of Lego blocks on the floor. I have several poems and stuff that I wrote around that time about not wanting to grow up.
Some of it is not wanting to let go of old routines, not believing that anything outside of what you already know can possibly be as good. Thing is... it's ok to move past some of those things. VeggieTales are awesome. I was introduced to them when I was pregnant with my son, and ten years later, I still love them. Would have probably loved them as a kid too. Just like I loved Animaniacs and Gargoyles. I was "forced" to let those go when they went off the air completely, same with Star Trek...
Eventually, like Paul says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child.Now that I am grown, I put childish things behind me..." (Paraphrased a bit), you do need to grow up and learn things. I remember the day I realized that people actually saw me as an adult. I was about 23, and I started going to a new church... and rather than treating me like a disrespectful kid, as they had in my old church, the pastor there actually saw me as a threat. (I was asking some really tough questions that challenged most of what they taught there.) It took some doing to convince him that I was sincerely looking for the truth and not purposefully trying to start trouble.
There are two ways you can go with this. Resist it and probably be pretty miserable because life will be constantly pushing you forward... that is the nature of existance. OR, Accept growing up as part of life and make it your own, do it your own way. You can still like kids' books and your cat. I still read kids' books. Thing is... now I have three kids of my own to enjoy those books with. There are good things about growing up. There are good things about accepting change, inviting it, and purposefully creating it even. I know it's hard, but it is so worth it. :)
BTW... I was 20 before I got my driver's license. I got lost the first time I drove out to the doctor's office by myself and found myself parked in someone's driveway, crying because I couldn't find my way home. The people in the house let me use their phone, gave me a glass of water, and gave me directions back to where I needed to be. Thankfully I have the advantage of looking much younger than I am, so they thought I was probably about 16. I was wearing my Sesame Place uniform and was horribly late for work. (Sesame Place is a Sesame Street themed water park in Langhorne, PA.)
So, when it comes to driving in unfamiliar places, I still 12 years later, prefer to not go alone. :O)
You might consider volunteering with some of the children's programmes at your church or in your community. If you don't want to teach ask if you could be a teacher's aide. If they have Vacation Bible School or similar activities you could offer to help with crafts, decorating, music, skits, snack preparation/serving, registration, or recreation. You might still be able to enjoy children's fun activities while also taking on some adult responsibilities. You might be able to enjoy the interaction with both the kids and the adults -- likely some conversations could flow about interesting and funny observations as well as any ideas you might have to improve things. In other words, if you don't feel like discussing most of the stuff in the newspapers, so what? You can find that many people enjoy discussing common experiences. As people work together they often develop camaraderie and common interests, it may take some time but you can build relationships with other adults. If you're working with kids they probably won't hold any childish behaviour against you. They'll assume you're trying to keep kids interested.