Tuesday, 20 April 2010

• Book Review: Raising Brandon

  This was an emotional roller coastal book. Amalia Starr wrote this book about raising her son Brandon. Her son was diagnosed late in life with Asperger’s Syndrome, at the age of thirty-two. He has delays in fine and gross motor skills, poor communication and social skills, does not take change well, and suffers from epileptic seizures.
  
  Amalia writes honestly about how she raised her son. She recalls times when she felt that she failed him as a parent and offers advice on how to avoid making mistakes she made. I can relate to her feelings of failure in different areas of her child’s life. She also has an older son, Matt, and describes the relationship her sons have. The following is a quote about how Amalia felt she could have done better with her older son.
  
  “Balancing my time and attention between Brandon and Matt was an art I never mastered. Brandon’s problems and needs always came first. Although it was hurtful and unfair to Matt, it was out of genuine necessity, which, of course, didn’t automatically make it right. Matt would often ask, “Why does my brother always get his way?” Unfortunately, it’s true – the squeaky wheel always gets the grease.”  
  
  I sometimes feel the same way about my children. My daughter is so self-reliant that I sometimes forget that I need to take special time for her. I try to arrange activities that the two of us can do together, but sometimes my son’s needs take precedence over them. I also have moments that I know I am pushing her aside to take care of my son, but I have no choice. I just hope that as she grows up, she will understand better.
  
  The following is a quote about the relationship the brothers have.  
  
  “Although Matt is easily irritated, frustrated, and disappointed with Brandon, his desire to defend and protect him comes naturally. Over and over again I have watched mat come to his brother’s rescue. The look of vast relief on Brandon’s face says it all – “I have been saved once again by my big brother Matt.”
  
  This gives me hope for my children. It also gives me hope that, one day when my husband and I are no longer able to take care of our son, our daughter will.
  
  I have to admit that the beginning of this book was really hard for me to read. The stories about Brandon’s childhood were terrifying. One of the hardest thing for a parent of a special needs child to accept is that, no matter how much we love our child, we can not protect him/her from the cruelties of life. I would like to think that things have gotten better since her son was a child, but horror stories in the news tell me I am wrong. Or at the very least, things haven’t changed near enough.
  
  There is good news. Amalia’s son, against everyone’s advice, is living in an apartment by himself. It isn’t easy or perfect, but it is a situation that makes him happy. Amalia keeps in constant contact with her son. She makes sure he makes it to important meetings and helps him be organized. Brandon has a housekeeper that comes in periodically to clean. His strength is in being able to pay bills and balance his checkbook perfectly. He is also able to make it around town using the public bus system.
  
  I am trying to convince my husband to read this book. I think it may help him relate to our son better. I warned him that the beginning is difficult, emotionally, but it is worth it. Reading this book reminded me that I should not set limits on my son. It also reminded me that if he wants to do something, I should do everything I can to help me accomplish his dream.

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