Sunday, 11 April 2010
-
Does a banana fall into the neglect category?
Early last week, I showed up to pick Josh up from school. He was standing off to the side of a group of kids who were surrounding the teacher. He was trying to figure out how to get the sticker that was being offered to him without actually having to get close to the teachers or other kids. While he was fighting it out with himself, another teacher took me off to the side.
I stood there a few moments before it hit me what they were doing. I explained that the other day while Josh was outside playing, he fell, which is where a majority of the fresh ugly looking bruises had come from. The other ones were from various activities and problems. Nothing major, some I didn’t even know where had come from. Hes five. Hes going to get bruised and scraped. Was there anything wrong with it? She smiled, noted a few things on her paper, one of which read “Uncle claims child fell outside” and told me that she was just doing her job. To which I couldn’t help but wonder if her job was to ruin lives. I took Josh and we left.
We didn’t hear from her again until later on last week, when she was telling me that Josh was becoming “Aggressive” over his personal belongings. He brings Simon with him everywhere he goes, so naturally Simon goes to school as well. Recently, hes been dragging a blanket along (a blanket that a friend sent through the mail, and Josh has fallen madly in love with). But he has been getting aggressive when other kids approach him, or rather, his items. He wont leave them in the cubbies where the other kids leave their things. He wants to drag them around with him, and keep them close by him at all times. If another kid gets too close, apparently he gets upset. His actions weren’t described, but knowing Josh, he most likely flips out and goes screaming over to them. Not sure if that is considered aggressive, but hes been labeled aggressive.
Yesterday I worked longer than usual by 20 minutes. The tour I was scheduled to work didn’t get started on time, and I couldn’t just leave ½ way into things. I had no other choice but to finish out and then pick Josh up. I have made it clear that no one is to pick Josh up but myself. Don’t want them letting anyone else picking him up. Don’t want them letting him go with the next person that walks in says they can. Paranoia. Whatever. So I didn’t have a back up option, and as a result was 20 minutes late picking him up.
And as a result, was stuck with “Neglect”. Im neglecting him. I neglected him. Left him. Abandon him.
Even Josh has realized that I will come back. Hes five, scared to death to be left alone anywhere, but he has realized that I will come back and get him. No matter what. If he could talk, Im sure he would have told them that I would be back. But since he couldn’t, he sat in a chair, holding his blanket and Simon close watching as the teachers scurried around muttering words like “Abandonment” and “Neglect”.
I don’t think his teachers were impressed when this morning I brought him in, and instead of dragging his usual blanket and bear, he had his bear. But this morning, his latest fascination was a banana.
I wonder just what I will get stuck with today? Wonder if bringing a banana to school will be classed as neglect, abuse, or some category all of its own.
…and while everyone Ive “Freaked out to” about the latest involvements, has told me that “Its over” sometimes its easier to listen to the voices that are loudest. The ones that make me ask myself “Am I really abusing him?” “Have I been neglectful?” Sometimes, the voice of logic fades off into the distance and Im left, once again, wondering: Does a banana fall into the neglect category?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to autisable's Autisable Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in autisable's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: itsjustlifehere
- Name: David
- About Me: Writing about the struggles that come while being single, and trying to raise three kids, the youngest of who was recently diagnosed with autism, PTSD, and SPD. These post are about our life, living with autism - I also write more on my main blog, Tunnel Vision.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 29 Views: 0 10243 Comments: 0 73 View all posts by itsjustlifehere
Comments (8)
Some teachers are morons. I'm amazed they even got their certification.
DOn't take nonsense from them. A parent can be late picking a child up it happens and it is not nelgect or abuse. Chidlren also do fall and burise themselves. However, I would get his rion and vitamin levels checked. Sometimes autistic childen do not get the vitamins they need becuase of picky food choices and they also do not metabolize necessary vitamins as they should. They have a neurological imbalance-duh. A vitamin deficiency may eb the reason fro the bruising. BTW boys do get bruised and hav skinned knees. Also is he in a regular kindergarten or a spec ed kindergarten? Why doesn't he have an IEP, Why are they so surprised about his obsesions with the blanket etc. Why are they surprised that he gets aggressive about protecting them?? Why did they let him stand there without a sticker and nto call him into the group, making it easy for him to participate? They sound like a bunch of morons. I wuld definitley speak to an autism specialist and quite frankly I would also talk to the special ed director about how indeuquate theyare in dealign with your child.
I had a problem with some teahce aides who were in the early 20s. THey thought they knew everything about child rearing. Actually talking about me behind my back. The stupid chidlren didn't even know I culd hear them. I went to the principal and dtold them they were to keep those idiots away from my chidlren or I'd sue. They kept them away.
Don't be afraid f these ideiots. If they give you any trouble get a lawyer and protect yourself. They may actually be doing this because they don't know what to do with your son and don't want to get sued or not recieve tenure, so they are trying to say its all your fault. had that happen too.
Sorry about all the typos..above
@aspergers2mom - it's a good thing many of us read and write typonese so fluently! ;)
And I agree as well with these comments.
When I was growing up, from the age 10-17, I lived primarily with my father. A single man. My mother was alive and well but for personal reasons, I lived with Pops. Now, no one at school could understand that a single man would take on the responsibility of raising his kids! It was just unfathomable to them for this to occur. And so, constantly, they looked for "evidence' of neglect and abuse. Mind you, I am autistic. I also bruised easily (anemic). They did not ask me where I got my bruises... just called DHS (child protective services agency) on my father and he had to try and explain why he did things the way he did them, where he gets grocery money, how often he feeds us, who watches us kids at night when he worked overnights, and so on and so forth. It was disgusting the things they asked me.
People have misconceptions and mis-perceptions all the time for various reasons. You cannot allow that voice of logic to fade away and the voice of paranoia to intrude. You ARE a good mom because an abusive and neglectful mother would not bother to stop for a moment and ask herself "Am I neglectful or abusive?" because the thought wouldn't even occur. It would be outright dismissed. :)
You know, I once saw a shirt that read, " My child is Autistic. Parenting advice not needed or warranted." I also saw one that said, " I'm autistic. What's your excuse?"
If it were not for the amount of controversy, and the large target it would put on your child's back for even more stupidity to be aimed at, I would say either wear or have you child wear one to school.
Also, no, a banana does not fall into neglect. It falls into the kid-bringing-a-snack-food-to-school category.
Thanks everyone, for your words and advice. The day a banana falls into the neglect category, we have real problems, if we dont already. (Just wait until someone slips on the peel of HIS banana that shouldnt have been there in the first place!) I think, mainly, it takes people at his school a bit longer to catch on to things. Small town, with most of the things they have learned or heard about autism (or anything else for that matter) coming from books, its sort of a learn as you go sort of thing. The only reason I was paranoid about it was because, like I said, the wording of everything, and the small fact that I still worry about loosing him again. As far as the bruising, its typical five year old stuff as far as Im concerned, and while I know the drill of the child services and dont want to go there again - I cant really worry about it. Thanks again :)
Hm, I'd ask you to consider it from another point of view.
There are hundreds of thousands of children who are abused by the hands of their parents. Child abuse is majorly under reported and too many children just slip through the cracks of the system and are never helped. I'm sorry that your son's teachers jumped on you and were looking for things that weren't actually there, but the laws were designed to provide a safety net for all children out there if there is anything suspicious. It's better to be safe than sorry. It sounds as if those particular teachers don't know very much about autism and that all involved parties would benefit if they got educated on the subject.
@kithicmorgance@xanga - I agree that it is MUCH better safe than sorry, in my opinion, however, and thats all it really is, that if I were abusing Josh (which Im not) nothing would be done about it. He has had abuse in his past (not from me, but his biological father) and nothing was ever done about it, because it was his father. Things get noticed more, and red flags are raised more when I bring him in, because I am a single male trying to raise three kids and it doesnt look "Ordinary." Thanks for your point of view, I do appreciate it :)