Saturday, 10 April 2010
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Temper Tantrums Puts Things in Perspective
The legs were flailing. The trampoline springs were moving up and down so fast I was sure the whole thing was about to collapse. Guttural screams were being released from that tiny body. The T-shirt was soaked with tears and snot. It was a typical day at the triplet’s house.
But it wasn’t Larry throwing the tremendous fit, nor Josh. It was a neurotypical 8 year-old friend of Aaron’s, whose mother had come over to cut Larry’s hair, but who clearly wanted her mother on the trampoline, now! Eventually her mother scooped her up, placed her in the car, and drove away. And Josh’s TSS turned to me and said, “You forget it isn’t just our kids that do this.”
And she was right. Larry’s therapy goals state that there should be an end to tantrumming behavior, that he should develop “Age Appropriate Coping Skills.” And it’s true that throwing a tantrum every time your crayon breaks or someone needs to change your diaper is not okay, and that reducing the tantrums down to one a week, then one a month, and then perhaps even less would be better. And everyone can always use more coping skills.
But it is a lot to expect of a seven-year old boy with a ten word vocabulary to express his full range of needs not to tantrum ever. That’s an exceptionally high expectation that sets him up to fail.
Another goal, compliance in five prompts or less, is also set way above. I’m a twenty-year old successful college student and it can still take me awhile to respond to people making a request, particularly if its something I don’t want to do (like get off the internet so Carl can use it). And we’d be kidding ourselves if we suggested that Larry’s NT triplet Aaron always complies within five prompts.
The temper tantrum musn’t have been a nice experience for either the mother or her daughter on the trampoline. But it was a good reminder for us that nobody is perfect, that everyone slips up and breaks down sometimes, even supposedly “normal children”. And I think therapy goals should reflect that.
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Comments (2)
We all have emotions to deal with, and feeling extra environmental pressures like ASD kids do just multiplies the difficulty in expressing their needs. "Stress" is the thing to pay attention to and resolve.
Rather than teaching "coping skills", we're better off teaching prevention through stress management (relaxation training). It's not as crazy or as hard as it may sound. How does it look to focus on prevention of tantrums by reducing stress? It means learning relaxation techniques and applying them during the day on a consistent basis when there are no tantrums. Parents too! Develop the skills just as an athlete does for their sport. And rather than using relaxation techniques as a band-aide type emergency fix, use them all the time -- make it a LIFESTYLE. This works for "compliance" too! Because a relaxed person is just plain more agreeable, regardless of age or diagnosis. So I propose the goals should be to Be Relaxed through the practice of relaxation techniques.
This is an effective and sustainable approach. There are many programs available online to learn and succeed in children's relaxation.
I use relaxation techniques while working with families in Los Angeles, and it works miracles for behavior and health. Relaxation opens up channels of communication and understanding because of the way it increases one's receptivity.
I love it! Awesome story! A little PERSPECTIVE sure does help at times doesn't it?
"Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view." ~Obi-Wan Kenobi