Tuesday, 06 April 2010
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The Socially Acceptable Way to Receive A Gift
How do you teach children to say ‘Thank you’ for gifts when they have little motivation to do so.
Why should I say thank you for something I don’t like?
Have you ever tried telling a literal kid that it is the thought behind the gift that counts? It was very hard not to giggle as she picked the gift up to look behind it for the thought.
Then there was the lengthy discussion about how the thought can not have been a very nice thought as it wasn’t a very nice gift.
A challenging problem, a problem of socially acceptable behaviour.
The tear storm that lasted for hours triggered by a gift of a new iPod from Grandma. It was the exact colour and style that the child had requested but it was also new, a different thing entering her environment.
The throwing of gifts across the room because they were not what she had expected prior to opening.
Yet given time to adjust to the new, different, unexpected item it becomes much loved and treasured. Unfortunatly the gift giver is not usually around in several days time to see the joy and love showered upon their gift, what they take away from the gift giving experience is negative and unhappy.
Now with family you can explain what is going on and we have been lucky that our family understands and accepts that things happen differently in our home. But what about friends, especially new friends who might not be so understanding, who you have not had the opportunity to explain things to? Making friends is hard, keeping friends is harder, especially when socially acceptable behaviour is not intuitive.
Now one approach to this issue would be a social story but Annie wont have a bar of social stories and gets very angry when we try to read them to her.
I had found this social story book which gave me a base to start on, not sure how to proceed I’d printed out the pages and left them sitting on the kitchen bench while I thought things over. A few days later we went to the girls weekly Voice and Movement class and inspiration hit. Of all the things we have tried role play seems to be the best way to teach my girls social skills and the most effective way to help them generalise the social skill they are learning.
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About the Author
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- From: leechbabe
- About Me: I am Marita and I blog at - http://leechbabe.wordpress.com/. I am a mother of two amazing girls, Annie and Heidi. I am a wife to wonderful man called Ralph. I am myself, diagnosed with Crohns disease in my late teens, interested in cross stitch, sci-fi and fantasy. This blog started out as a cross stitch blog but has evolved over the years to cover most aspects of life in my home. In May 2007 my youngest daughter was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism.
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Comments (4)
I was never as far as I'm aware one to throw gifts if they disappointed me. Unfortunately even at my advanced age I am unable to conceal my disappointment, I do say, "thank you" ...usually - sometimes I forget. What I have always found difficult to understand is why I should give thanks for something I don't want, also when I have provided a service I don't understand why I should thank the customer surely they should thank me.
@Springingtiger - It really is a difficult skill for anyone to conceal disappointment when receiving a gift they don't like. I totally agree with you about the customer thing, they should say thank you for having received good customer service.
I know my sister has sometimes asked her daughter if she'd like to see what some of her presents are ahead of time. I think that may help to make the day a little less overwhelming, it may help to create more realistic expectations, and it may therefore help her to maintain a better sense of control. So what if it takes some of the suspense out of the day? If your daughter doesn't enjoy the pressure associated with suspense then it's kind to remove some of the suspense.
@littleprofessor@xanga - Good points
We try to do that with gifts from ourselves and extended family, to the point of letting her choose her own gifts in advance. Even then the new item entering the house can trigger meltdowns. 3 years ago she decided to ask her friends to give her old towels and blankets for the cat protection society instead of gifts (this from a at the time 5 year old!), we still do that and it is a great solution. Problem is some friends like to give her a gift also as they feel she is missing out otherwise. We need to work on saying thank you for those and other occasions. This is my follow up blog entry about saying thank you http://leechbabe.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/birthday-party-role-play/