The Importance of Relationships

Friday, 19 March 2010

The Importance of Relationships
As a mom, wife daughter, sister, friend, aunt and colleague, I know that relationships are everything! Relationships are built upon communication, which is also one of the largest deficits that those with autism and special needs children face. Whether they are able to talk or not, they are still able to communicate. Yet they need us, as caregivers, instructors, parents, siblings and peers, to help them bridge the relationship between them and the world. Through the power of effective communication mixed with empathy and understanding, we can facilitate and enhance the quality of these relationships. Here is an endearing story of a librarian and my son Jonny, and how a relationship was strengthened one day in our community.

MRS SPAULDING:
To paint a picture for you, my son Jonny was in the 4th grade when his class took a field trip to the library to hear a famous author, Andrea Spaulding talk to the class. She had all the kids sit on the floor while she read them tales from her latest book. When she was done it was time for questions and answers. The kids eagerly popped their excited hands up into the air to ask questions. After about three questions, there was Jonny’s hand frantically waving. I cringed, what could he possibly want to ask?

No sooner than Mrs Spaulding called on my son, did the words shoot out of his mouth. “Mrs Spaulding, he said” “I think this is boring!” I knew in my heart that he was just being truthful, but ohhhh the glares I got from the other parents, and of course Mrs. Spaulding. “You know young man, she scolded, that was very disrespectful”. How could I explain his autism in this desperate situation to everyone that was there? I felt like grabbing his hand and leaving, but I hung in there.

After the moment cleared, and the air seemed to settle down, once again his hand flew in the air. Mrs Spaulding, “What kind of dinosaur is it?” he asked in regard to her book? Thank God! I was so relieved he could also ask something that was appropriate. After the class was dismissed and the library event had come to a close, I took Jonny by the hand to apologize to Mrs Spaulding, trying to explain to him that while he may have been bored, saying it out loud still probably hurt Mrs Spaulding’s feelings.
….“Oh”, he replied and apologized to her. I then explained to Mrs. Spaulding that Jonny had autism and sometimes he understood things quite differently than you or I and this is true whether Jonny is listening to someone read to him or when he’s actually reading something because he tends to look through or around the words or the words look distorted when he reads. He didn’t mean to hurt her; he was just not used to sitting. It was like a light bulb went off in her head and she said, “oh, you’re right, I had taught a child with autism once before. I forgot that it could look differently and I wasn’t even thinking that could be the issue here. Thank you for reminding me”

I tell you this story because I think it demonstrates how through clear and concise communication, relationships are built. Yet it’s virtually impossible to run around and explain Jonny to everyone in the hopes they will understand. But by sharing with all of you about the importance of understanding and communicating about autism, you can help me to get the message out. This is also the reason I wrote my first book, Little Rainman, to help people see autism through the eyes of a child.