Tuesday, 16 March 2010
-
Does Autism excuse bratty behavior?
So here's a question. I had a kid today, is Autistic, be a complete brat in my class.
He talked back at me. He spoke to me in a very rude way, very sarcastic. When I tried to go talk to him one on one he ran away from me, yelling that he "didn't have to listen to me" and "I'm not going to do anything you tell me" and "shut up!" and "I was sitting over here for a reason! What's wrong with you?!"
The adults with the group just sort of smiled at him and told me, "He's just stuck in his ways."
All I know is, his behavior caused a girl to be left out, and later, when he decided that he wanted a partner, no one was willing to be his partner (gee I wonder why, maybe because he wasn't willing to return the favor?)
I don't know. His bratty behavior was not flying for me, and it didn't seem like autistic behavior that I've dealt with before. Does Autism excuse behavior like that?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to autisable's Autisable Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in autisable's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: x_Butterflies_and_Hurricanes_x@xanga
- About Me: I am a 24 year old female. I have a boyfriend of two years. I have also recently been diagnosed with Celiac Disease, which involves a pretty big lifestyle change. I'm slowly learning to get used to it. I graduated last year with a degree in geology and am working at an environmental learning center where I work with 30 new kids almost every day. I teach adventure classes (things like rock climbing or ropes courses), identification classes (trees and birds) and science classes (geology W00t) I plan on going back to school to become a teacher! I'm passionate about the environment, geology, music and evolving my religious beliefs. I play piano and violin and I love to read. (I am big harry potter fan) I also <3 anime and am a closet gamer. Oh also, have had a kind of bad incident with an online stalker in the past. So things like Xanga meets make me nervous and I promise it usually has nothing to do with you.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 541 Comments: 0 11 View all posts by x_Butterflies_and_Hurricanes_x@xanga
Comments (12)
It sounds like he may have asperger's syndrome which is on the spectrum for autism. The inability to read or display appropriate social cues is a part of the disorder. He wouldn't get how his behavior would make other people feel and he wouldn't understand why they didn't want to be his partner because of his behavior. How old is the child? It sounds to me like the adults in his life have given up on him or something. He should be told when his behavior is inappropriate and rude. There is a post that someone else just did about dealing with autism and social cues. I agree with it.
Point it out to him and say, "this is what your brand of rudeness gets you. Very little people wanting to partner with you."
Not at all. People have felt sorry for him because of his disability and spoiled him. I don't care if you're Jesus Christ here to save my soul. You simply do not knowingly disrespect others, disability or not. I'd say ban him from recess. Recess is something that should be earned. And in the long run, the attitude adjustment will help him.
Autism is an explanation, but not an excuse. I have no idea if that makes sense or not, but think about it this way - some girls blame their moodiness on PMS. While that absolutely may be true, and hormones can influence us to act one way or another, we can make the choice to take a step back, breathe, and work through our issues.
My own daughter was diagnosed with a form of autism about 6 months ago, so I'm still learning what to do to handle her behavior. Kids with autism should still face consequences. However, I do want to let you know that they don't pick up on what's "ok" to say and what's not. Sometimes they are very blunt, and they're not trying to be rude or sarcastic (even though that is how it may come across to us). They are just saying what they feel. They also have a really tough time reading facial expressions. They literally have to be taught specifically what is rude and what is not rude.
It's a really tough balance - it is. I find a firm and gentle approach to be the best way to deal. Talking to my daughter in a soft volume but firm tone of voice seems to help the most. She doesn't always like me, but that's the way it has to be.
Also, he told you that he was "sitting over there for a reason". That says to me that he's aware of his behavior and he was probably likely on the verge of a meltdown. Withdrawing himself from the situation is what he HAS to do to not let his emotions and nervous system escalate to a certain level that will cause harm.
Other than the comment "recess should be earned" I agree with much here.
It's an explanation but not an excuse and perhaps the grown ups in his life haven't understood that and followed through with interventions to get his behavior under control.
Find out some tricks and trips that may help because most of this acting out behavior is caused by overstimulating.
As for the recess comment, while kids are only spending 4-7 minutes outside a day these days, it's important for the body to get the movement at recess. It's good for their health. Period. Good health shouldn't be a privilege.
Now, you have a child who's having difficulty sitting still, is overstimulated by the need to "focus" and pay attention, and then you want him to sit somewhere calmly because he couldn't sit calmly?? I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense to me :)
He won't see the connection between his behavior and the natural consequence of the other kids' reactions, so it will have to be pointed out to him. The link that other person provided is a good place to start :) I also wrote an article on treatment interventions at my Examiner column (Heather E. Sedlock, Special Needs Kids Examiner).
Hope that helps! And as a person on the spectrum with two spectrumites for kids, I know how challenging behavior is for OTHERS as well as for ourselves. It's not necessarily intended....
I tell my boys, "You're special. You're just not THAT special that you don't have to think of others." :)
When I was a kid, nobody had heard of Aspergers and autistic kids didn't talk, so that was not even in the realm of explanation for my behavior. I was simply labeled as "moody" or "distant" or "brat."
Here's the thing. In a classroom full of kids with noise and talking and all sorts of things going on, it gets overwhelming VERY quickly. As a teenager, I had a similar experience to the one that you had with this boy. Here's what I saw and felt:
The room is small. There are a lot of people in here. There is music and talking, I can't sort out one thing from another. There are conflicting smells. Food, perfume, cologne, cleaning agents, some odd musty smell left on the carpet from something. The chairs are cold metal. I NEED OUT NOW!
So, I left the room so I could breathe and calm down. My heart was racing, my head was pounding, my ears were ringing. I couldn't take being in that room any longer. I felt myself on the edge of losing control, so I stepped out to gain it back.
The youth pastor came by and saw me sitting on the chair outside the room, "Get back in there," he ordered.
"I want to stay out here," I answered.
"You're supposed to be in there, now get back in the room."
"Please, don't provoke me right now. I am having a tough time. I need to be out here."
"Who are you to tell me not to provoke you? I'm in charge here and I said to get back in there."
"I will, as soon as I calm down, but you're making it worse. Please just let me stay out here."
This escalated into a complete meltdown. At 15 years old, I was standing outside the door to the youth room crying and acting like a four year old because I wasn't allowed to calm myself. The harder I tried to be polite, the more sarcastic I sounded because I was trying desperately to keep control over myself. The whole thing could have been avoided had I been allowed about five minutes to gain my composure and choose to go back in when I was ready. I was not harming anyone or even missing anything important by sitting outside the classroom. There was no need to force me back in, or push me into a meltdown.
By this point in time, I had about enough self-awareness to be horribly embarrassed by the whole ordeal, and wanted even LESS to go back in, because now my face was all red, my eyes were all puffy, and I looked like I'd been crying. I knew if I went back in, that I would have to face the questioning of my peers, "What's wrong?" and have no words for a proper explanation. I'm not sure, but I think that I took off and ran to my parents. I used to get in trouble for doing that too though, because they ran the sound system at the church and "they" (church people) didn't like "kids" in the sound booth. Thankfully my parents didn't give a bean about that and let us up there anyway.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - I agree completely... it is an explanation, not an excuse. :)
I'm guessing you must have had a very hard week, here. It must be that to cause a teacher to describe any child as a "brat." It must be that to describe a child as "rude" when he has a developmental delay that is not behavior-based but is neurological-based.
I'm guessing that you are normally a very kind, generous, caring person who wants to help children and that's why you are a teacher. And not a person that wanted to instill fear or respect simply to get fear or respect back, else surely you would be in the military.
And I'm guessing you would normally want to act as a bridge between special needs children and typical children who, on their own, have no means of understanding each other's behavior.
But without context, I really couldn't explain any of the numerous reasons this child with autism acted the way he did. It could have been sensory: he was overwhelmed by light, noise, movement, but couldn't tell anyone. It could have been emotional: he was overwhelmed by his emotions and could then only express anger instead of sadness. It could have been verbal: he couldn't retrieve his words to express himself and got frustrated. It could have been biological: he could have been in pain. Or it could have been any of those.
And I'm guessing, since you're a teacher, you're the type of person who is curious and likes to learn about new issues that you could help other people with.
I'm guessing all these things, though your words don't indicate them, because I like to believe the best about everyone. Especially children.
If you have any other questions, I sure hope you come back to ask! We'd love to help.
No, autism isn't an excuse for bratty behavior. I correct my children whenever they misbehave, and they know that we have certain expectations for their behavior. I correct them right there on the spot and have them adjust their behavior to appropriate, or they have consequences. From when they were quite young, if they tried to melt down or lose it in public, I took them away from where we were to avoid disturbing other people and had them quiet themselves. We have always taught our children that there are certain places and times to exhibit, for example, some of their self reg behaviors, and that there are places and times when they are not OK.
And sensory overload is no excuse. Children must be given as many tools as they can to function in and navigate society. Humans, like it or not, are a social species with interaction rules ingrained for millennia that require acknowledgment. Just because I'm walking around with a banging migraine doesn't make it OK for me to yell at or be rude to people, and just because my children walk around with autism isn't an excuse for them to do that, either. This child needs to be taught better self-regulatory behaviors if sensory overload is the issue. There is no excuse for letting your child infringe on other people or be in-your-face rude to adults, no, not even autism. Temple Grandin has addressed this in her talks, and I'm with her all the way. The consequence? My children are extraordinarily well behaved (most of the time) when we're out in public, to the point that complete strangers compliment them on their good behavior. And I let them stim and dysreg or whatever they need to do when we're in the right places at the right time. They're learning self control, like all of us need to do.
My 8-year-old autistic son is now at the age when he may do say something to bluntly or too loudly or at an inappropriate time. We correct him, and he says, "But I'm autistic." And we respond, without fail, "That is no excuse. We expect you to try to behave appropriately." And it isn't. And we do.
Just for the record, I haven't known any autistic children who have exhibited that kind of behavior. It is entirely possible for a child to be autistic and also to be spoiled, with parents who do not understand how to guide and shape behavior for their children.
There is no one type of autism so his behaviour may well have been different from that with which you are familiar.
What you interpret as sarcastic may well not be - we tend not to do sarcasm just as sarcasm is generally wasted on us.
If he was sitting somewhere for a reason it was probably a good one perhaps you should have explored it a little further.
He probably does not make a causal link between behaviour and consequences (I tend not to) so you need to explain patiently step by step the causal links.
Autism does not excuse inappropriate behaviour but why that behaviour is inappropriate has to be explained. What you may consider rude may simply be honesty. Don't expect to be listened to if what you are saying does not make sense. "Shut up" is not acceptable if he is aware of an alternative, I would have said, "Be quiet". When he said he "didn't have to listen to you" he was stating a literal fact.
Sensory overload is exactly that - overload. It occurs at the point where self regulatory behaviour can no longer cope with the input being received. Learning control mechanisms may raise the threshold at which overload occurs but when it occurs there is no way to stop it - believe me.
Perhaps you should stick to teaching "normal" children as teaching children with autism requires exceptional ability and forbearance.
I have no clue what was going on. Perhaps you could give me some context.
You may have heard sarcasm. The kid wouldn't have heard it.
Please, learn to understand that we're very literal. ALWAYS ask anybody (on spectrum or off), "Did you mean XXX," or, "I have no clue what you meant. What were you intending to say," before taking offence. I hate misunderstandings. It's quite possible, even for Non Autistics, the people who are supposed to be more capable of communication and possibly even empathy, to misunderstand. That'll probably cure the boy of brattiness. Struggle to empathize and understand before fussing. It's more worth it. Thanks.
of course brats are getting away with being diagnosed as 'autistic' -
the same way as kids way back got excused because they were seen as 'distourbed'
life is all about learning not to be selfish
@keystspf@xanga - I'm guessing you're a little sensitive, I"m guessing you don't understand that autism kids can be very challenging? I'm guessing you know it's a spectrum and behaviors can be extremely varied. I"m guessing you noticed she had NT kids in the class as well? This seems to indicate she's not a trained special ed teacher? I"m guessing you can give some people a little more then judgment and look at the whole situation. OR maybe you too were raised as a spoiled brat and can't see others point of view?
Too many children these days are undiagnosed with a very very serious problem.Oddly enough it was more easily dealt with in the late 60's early 70's. The advent of modern pharmacology and psychology have missed the underlying cause.
Your child most likely suffers from Lackoffutindaass disease. Too many children suffer from this chronic ailment and sadly modern medicine and social morals don't allow for proper medication. Too many parents wish to pass off the responsibility of their lack of discipline to some disease such as ADHD or Autism. It's not their fault or their children...it's the latest cliche disease that excuses bad parenting
WHOOP HIS ASS AND TELL HIM/HER TO SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN. All this liberal PC crap is going to leave all our children with an undeserved sense of entitlement and lack of self accountability.
Yes, some children have these issues but not the masses you all claim. Grow up, stop dodging your responsibility and actually parent your children.