Autism and Divorce

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Autism and Divorce
At the end of the month I have to take my oldest to the neurologist. I will have to tell the doctor about the divorce. I already know what the doctor will be thinking, I am just another statistic. The divorce rate when you have a child with autism is through the roof, almost impossible to stay married. I think it's 90% divorce rate.

Then the questions will follow about how is he handling it.

How is his behavior, any irrational behavior will be blamed on the divorce. I will be the one who has to deal with it by myself. Same thing with the school. And then When Harry grows up to be a man if he is not satisfied with his life he will blame me for everything because I was the one who is making all the decisions.

He has high functioning autism and has been on the honor roll all year so far and now yesterday I got a progress report, he is getting a D in reading. I cant help to wonder if he is going to not care about his grades because of the divorce. I keep reading about what I should do for him, but will it ever really be enough? Do kids ever recover from a divorce? Especially someone with autism? Kids with autism dont handle any change well to begin with, its how they are wired. I remember when he was little I would deliberately mixed things up, because I know how difficult life can be, and there will always be changes. I wanted to give him the tools to be able to cope with change. So even though the school fed into his routine. I would not.

It would be bath time and instead of letting him take the same 2 toys in the bath like he wanted I would make him take 4 different ones. Trying to teach him change is sometimes better. I think I read every book on autism out there. Sherman never even read one book. He only went to the doctors with me when I would beg him or if it was in an area that I was not familiar with.

The first few times I took Harry to the neurologist, I was in tears. I cried as I watched my little boy flap his hands, hum and stare at the wall blankly as the doctor would try to get his attention. I would cry as they told me what I could expect in the future. They told me he may never talk, he may never be potty trained, they said he was NOT high functioning, he was in the middle to low functioning range. I was scared to death I would leave crying. I needed comfort, I would call Sherman up at work. He would get mad at me. Dont call here crying. We'll talk about it when I get home.

So I obsessed on helping my son. I knew he wasnt mentally retarded, I could tell by the things he would build. The pictures he would draw were way beyond his age level. He figured out how to pick the lock to my bedroom door at the age of 2. Even though he couldnt talk, I could hear his message. I knew there was more. And I wasnt giving up. I always worked closely with the schools and his teachers and at the end of the year they were always amazed at his progress, even shocked.

And here I am now with him, he talks all the time, sometimes too much..lol He reads, writes and has a strong interest in science. He knows more about butterflies, frogs, fish and car washes then anyone else I know..lol

He is amazing. Both my boys are, but this blog is about Harry. I just hope I dont let him down now. In most ways I handled everything by myself before so it's really not much different now.