Wednesday, 10 March 2010

• "Less Skills" Does Not Mean "Less Independent"

  Brandon called me last night and said he was exhausted. He had had a B.E.S.T. treatment (alternative treatment, for more information see below), and they can be exhausting, but it was more than that. He began to tell me that he had to get his cable bill straight, and his insurance company had increased his deductable. It wasn’t said in those exact words, but that was the essence of the conversation.He then told me that he called his brother, Matt, as he requested and he gave him his new e-mail address.

  I asked him if I could have his new e-mail address too, and this is what he said, “Mom, I am too tired to give you my e-mail address, it’s just too much.” Multitasking is my middle name, so I wanted to say you must be kidding just tell me the e-mail address, but instead I remained silent. I have found that silence works well, especially when you don’t have anything nice to say. I then realized what it took for him to do all these things he told me about. In the past, he would not have been able to do any of them and now he accomplished several things in one day. I then was able to say why don’t you give me your e-mail address another day. I am so proud of everything you were able to accomplish today, and you did it all by yourself. How fantastic!

  You could tell on the other end of the phone that he was quite pleased with my response, and with himself. Yesterday was a huge break through day for Brandon, being able to handle and complete all these tasks.

  If I wrote down the skills Brandon had twelve years ago, when he first embarked upon independence, it would have been one thing his ability to keep his checkbook balanced.

  Although that is a very important skill and tool we know that it takes more than that to become successful and to live independently.But here is the most important piece of this post, our children can develop and will grow when they get the chance to experience “real life”. Yes, at times it can feel risky, be challenging, and loads of hard work, but there is a huge payoff for everyone.

   Helping our children/adults to reach their full potential, whether they live at home or on their own is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. From now on, when people ask me what does your son do for a living? My response is going to be he is enrolled in Life 101. He is learning life by living it.When Brandon's seizures get under control, he will be back in the work force as a greeter at a retail store, a job that he created for himself. For a shy and quiet individual, I find it rather amazing that he would want to greet strangers and enjoy doing it. But as a greeter he comes out of himself, and becomes cheery and helpful. That is truly who Brandon is.

  Just minutes before I was getting ready to add this new post I received this first e-mail from Brandon. After many years of resisting anything to do with e-mails, it was amazing to actually receive one from my son. I wanted to share it with you, because it touched my heart. He was able to express himself, and his feelings came through in his writing. That does not happen when he speaks. Although the e-mail is very short, it is revealing and says a lot.
  

  Here it is: "it is me brandon how is ur day. I bought all the groceries I needed and I can't wait to see u on monday 4 lunch." brandon
  
  More power to you Brandon, you keep me on my toes and constantly remind me what life is all about, using whatever skills we have been given to the fullest and never giving up.

   

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