I always wondered what it is like having a normal brother. Would my perspective on life be different? Although I am classified as being "a drama queen" on my off days, I am actually nice. (deep down, very deep, just kidding). If I had a normal brother how would my life be different?
I've asked that question to myself so many times. No, these are not questions to sugarcoat that I resent having an autistic brother, I love my brother.
If it wasn't for my brother, I wouldn't have went to Orchard as a middle school student and if I did not go to Orchard it would not result me wanting to go to Independence, which my parents granted me that last wish for me, when I graduated 8th grade. My brother has been a lot of things for me, at one point, I mistakenly considered him a burden and all I can do is regret those words muttered out of my mouth.
Without my brother, I would not be compassionate. I would not have the softness in my heart that I do now. When I used to see special ed kids, I would say "I bet their life sucks." Or I would not feel any remorse, nor sympathetic towards the people that spent a lot of their time caring for them. My brother changed that about me, you can say i use to be this "cold hearted drama queen".
But I believe that my brother changed a lot about me, especially a side of me that I never knew. Although he can not socially talk with me, or communicate with me, there has been times that he made me happy as an individual. When I was having a down time, I would just be grateful to have a presence in the house who is filled with laughing at some flying object in the house. I love to come home from a party to hear loud noises upstairs, knowing my brother is playing some games or watching some videos. I love how he comes to me and ask me for help repeatedly over and over again about something I don't even know how to work.
Or when I watch a TV show, a kid show (cause I don't have cable), he would hear the sounds, rush to my room, and sit on the bed with me. When I protest at first for him to get off, he would not budge but I am glad that he didn't cause it feels like having a regular brother. If he were to be removed from my life as of now, those annoying little things he'll do, would be something that I miss.
He changed me. He made me into a better person. Now as of today, if you ask me "Do you ever wonder what its like having a normal brother?"
I'll reply, "I do have a normal brother, he's just complex and in his own little world. and I could not ask for a better brother." If they respond with, "well he doesn't look normal to me" Then I'll deal with them, but that's a whole different story.
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Comments (9)
Fantastic post. I think we who have relations with Autism have all asked ourseves this at some point. It is part of the long and winding road to acceptance. It is clear you love your brother very much.
People wish for a lot of things for themselves and their family. But wishes are just wishes. Things don't go always go well in life. If everything and everyone is perfect, then we possibly make an effort to improve ourselves.
Sometimes I wish I don't have a normal brother because he's so boring and lazy!
Super post - might show my daughter later when she comes home from school. I've just been asked to review a book on this very issue from JKP called - Siblings: The Autism Spectrum Through Our Eyes edited by Jane Johnson and Anne Van Rensselaer - it should arrive in the next few days, so hopefully I'll eventually manage to read it and see if it's a good match.
Cheers
Your brother must be a very special boy to you! That's so beautiful and no matter if he has autism or not, he is still very wonderful in his own way. I work with kids who have autism and I really cherish every single one of them.
@sarahb_86@xanga - Thank you :)
@RestlessButterfly@lovelyish - I strongly agree with you.
@archangel4eternity@xanga - LOL
@whittereronautism - Mm, i might consider getting that book. Would you recommend it? (i think by now you read a few pages, cause i didn't know autism posted my post up, until now LOL)
@liwa6573@xanga - My brother changed my life for the better
@millionofstars@xanga - I am thinking of working with autism kids too, but i don't think i have the patience, which kind of is a bummer.
You know I'd just wonder that to myself frequently. I've always wanted to know what it would be like for my brother to not be autistic. I'd have a brother my age, and I would be able to do so much more with the little twerp if he would just do everything in the ole 'normal' way. I love shooting hoops, I like doing things alone, but I want to do it with someone sometimes. Whenever I give him a ball he just drops it to the ground, and giggles as it dribbles over to me. He likes playing catch occasionally #catching me in the mood at the same time is another story#, but he prefers keeping to himself drawing something somewhere #Hopefully away from MY stuff#. He says a few words and sentences jumbled at random most of the time although he still mainly goes "Nnnn-n!", "Hhnnn-hn!", "Eeehhyeh", "Ne Ne Nee" or something of the like. I can play catch with him (throw the ball at him hard, and he does the 'granny shot' back to me), but I do wonder what everything would be like if he were just a bit different. I'd be nothing like I am now; I know that. I'd be less reflective, less stubborn, I wouldn't care as much for equal rights, I wouldn't have to feel like the 'protector' as much in our relationship, I could give him three noggies in a row without getting a stink eye, I would get really POed at him freely, I would be able to shoot hoops with him, I would tackle him, if he would cry when I tackled him he could deny he was, I could laugh at him when he denied it, when I felt like wrestling he would already be trying to get me in a headlock, heck if he wasn't autistic I wouldn't be into half the stuff I am, I would've never taken life so seriously, we would've been raised in different ways, and I would've been a complete brat. I wondered if anyone else got this feeling, so I just googled "i wish my brother was normal". This was the last link on the bottom of the first page. I won't say how this "changed my life" or anything. It's just nice to find someone making a tiny comment on one of my thoughts.