So collegeman has an art class where the students have to do critiques of each other's work. He usually says nothing and doesn't want to participate because it is hard for him in a large setting to think of the right things to say. However, the ability to critique is 25% of his grade and the professor told his aide that if he doesn't start to participate his grade will devolved from an A to a B. She was't going to change anything for him. OK that said, I completley agree with the professor. If you are going to be in college and the requirement is to participate then you have to participate. It's like in life, if you are in a meeting and have to give a presentation you have to talk in front of people. Now we do know that collegeman does not have this problem in other classes, most probably because he has formulated a question from the materials assigned. So its not that he has to create random thoughts but can tack onto what is already being discussed. But here in art class it is very different. Here he has to think completely about it and apply the techniques he has learned so far to be critical of someone else's work.
OK I told him he has to start participating or his grade would suffer. So he went to class last time determined to participate and participate he did. His participation got him called into the hall by the professor. Let me explain: Collegeman does not watch American Idol but Simon Cowell is everywhere. You can go on You Tube and watch clips of his antics. Also if you watch those luxury life shows you will see that his rudeness has gotten him a wonderful material life. Now for collegeman that is a good thing. Who doesn't want to have lots of stuff and be very comfortable. Who doesn't want to be able to afford anything you want and to be able to go on luxury vacations and have lots of pretty girls around you. So collegeman decided to be Simon Cowell. Well it did not go over well and he got pulled out for a lecture. Of course he understood how rude he was when it was explained to him by the professor and immediately apologized to the other students (his idea). He then called me after class and told me what happened, even referencing Simon Cowell. Collegeman was very mortified.
Told hubby what happened. Hubby got home from work and searched on the internet for information on how to do art critiques. (You can find anything on the internet) He found some wonderful articles full of examples of what to say and how to say things. How to intertwine the art technique with the picture and make a postive critique of the person's work. It was really good information that collegeman could apply to his classwork and classmates' work. Collegeman read it and hubby helped him model some comments so he understood better. Today we will see how it goes. Additionally, the aide who had not been coming to that part of class was able to work out her childcare issues so she could be there as well (Big thank you to her). Maybe with the information and the aide's support everything will go better today. (Like I have mentioned in an earlier blog. Collegeman had not needed assistance in art last year so we are a little disappointed that he needs the help now. But on the other hand, the aide is able to pull back in his academic classes and he will be more on his own there)
But the question remains how to help your child understand what is and is not appropriate in the real world. It is so hard for the average teenager or child to ascertain that what celebrities do or say is inappropriate, never mind how is an autistic child supposed to parcel out the social aspects of the Culture of Rude. I think that is what I am going to call it. The culture of our society is just plain rude. Civility has left the building. They have celebrities who make a fortune being nasty to other people, or the comics who say racially biased bits and get away with it and make a fortune, or how about the politicians who call each other names if you disagree with them and they still get reelected and make or have a fortune (either you're a racist, unamerican evil monger, unamerican socialist, and lets not forget the really nasty politics of the blogosphere). So what do you do with your autistic child?
You can sit them down and try to explain to them that sometimes life makes no sense. That if they said any of these rude or racist things in school they would be suspended and in college possibly expelled. That sometimes celebrities say things to get attention, and that to some celebrities even negative attention is good for their business. Of course, then you have to explan to them how negative attention is not good for those of us who live in the real work-a-day world. What I have generally found is that you have to stay on top of what is watched and what comes over the internet. I think it just adds another dimension to our stress. But you can't close them off from the world. Perhaps the old adage that our mother's used to teach us..".If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing" can work. But I am still trying to figure out how to explain to collegeman why rudeness gets you an elegant life style when rude people are anything but themselves elegant.
From a world where civility is still considered a virtue,
Until next time,
Elise
Recommend
Comments (13)
I do not think, even in a college setting, that it's appropriate to force critique and then critize the person for their critique. I am speaking as a woman that was first an artist, then an art teacher, and now a mother to a child with ASD. When I had students that were so uncomfortable with critique, they would hopefully tell me and we could come up with an alternative way to critique. Let's say - writing. It's the same objective/learning lesson, but it doesn't force the person to embarrass themselves or have this happen. I think the professor needs a lesson in what is fair, isn't equal and frankly this is a perfect example of a typical college professor who has NO education background and yet teaches. I am sorry. I think this is pathetic and wrong. I would be angry about this and go above this teacher's head to teach the teacher a lesson this time.
www.mnautismmom.com
I don't think this act of criticism with make a better person, if their own critique is put underneath a microscope. It would kill the person's confidence and blow his ego, something we don't want to see in an autistic person.
Simon Cowell mastered the art of critique, he did it so eloquently based upon his own experience. His critiques are usually dead on, and he is honest in giving his critique. When someone is forced to make a critique and then is criticize for his own critique, it's like rubbing salt into the wounds. A special needs person needs encouragement, not a rebuke or a put down.
"But I am still trying to figure out how to explain to collegeman why rudeness gets you an elegant life style when rude people are anything but themselves elegant." I really hate to use this quote, but that's the way of the world. It's also what happens when certain people miss a few hugs. Compassion hardly sells, unless you are doing a charity event.
@The_Bodyguard@mancouch - I don't think what they did was put him down, I think he probably said things that were out of line and inappropriate and he was taught the right way to go about the situation, which is the whole point.
@frozencherries@xanga - I agree with you. He was pulled out into the hall for his "lecture" as Elise called it. I've sen teachers criticize in front of others, THAT to me would be crossing the line.
My college experience was a mixed bag for me. I overly participated and got good grades. Got my AS degree with a 3.95 average (dang A-'s.. if they can't give me A+'s, they shouldn't be allowed to give me an A-, one professor agreed with me but that didn't change the rules LOL)
I do remember one time that bothered me and I am still not quite sure WHY. Other than when teachers would say "Anyone but Heather.. answer me this: ..." those were often and I got used to it... but this one time....
I was in the hallway of the admin floor and I was talking with a lawyer/professor who was teaching business ethics class. I was discussing my grade on the final paper with him. He had written on it that he would have given me a A if only I had followed his suggestions and instead gave me a B. Well, I asked him what suggestions I had failed to follow. He said "You didn't talk about how ice cream industry has added to the obesity of America." And I replied "No, you told me my paper painted too much of a "rosy picture" of Ben and Jerry's and told me to find MORE ethical situations that they faced and came out wrong on. I do not think they are adding to the obesity of America in and of themselves and they even offer alternative more healthy options even. SO, that wouldn't have worked. But I *did* follow your suggestions and added some other ethical concerns where they didn't come out so good."
So while we were discussing this issue (I still think he was wrong and I *did* follow his suggestions, that was just one of the EXAMPLES he gave for clarifying his suggestion) but when he stated that it was a B and staying a B... another previous professor of mine came out from his office area and into the hall, all excited like and said "Heather's getting a B???? OMG!" type of response. The lawyer professor said that no, my grade for the class was still an A but this paper's grade was a B. The previous professor still found it shocking that I would get a B on the paper...
I don't know why I find it so bothersome that the guy came out into the hall to join the discussion. I wasn't necessarily embarrassed or anything. I guess it was his reaction... that he was almost HAPPY that I would "finally" get a "low" grade. But still.. to this day ... it bugs me. LOL I don't know why.
College is hard. Collegeman will probably make more mistakes down the road in this area and I will pray that he will face those as opportunities for learning rather than "mistakes." :) :)
Good luck explaining the "real world" to him.. I'm 33 now and still don't get it.
@mnautismmom - @RestlessButterfly@lovelyish - @The_Bodyguard@mancouch - @mynameisblueskye@xanga - @frozencherries@xanga - @heatherbabes - Thank you everyone for your input. I appreciate all the comments and ideas. The truth of the matter is that collegeman did end up getting a B+ in the class and she did take off for his critique and behavior. I also did send her an email telling her how inappropriate she was with him. Unfortuantely in college from a legal persepctive the student really does not have more than the right of access. The teacher does not have to modify any of the curriculum or program to suit a disabled person. The IDEA does not apply past 12 th grade. For the most part the college has gone way beyond what colleges do to accommodate him and as I have written about before we need to pick our battles and have to decide if an uneducated professor is worth starting a battle with a school that has been so supportive. It unfortunatley gets more complicated than people know.
I also agree that it is the way of the world and that somethings just don't make sense. That's the point I was trying to make. Aspies tend to be very black and white in their understanding of the world and this area of gray just cofuses them at times. The upside of the situation is something though we had been telling collegeman for years, his social IQ needs work. People in this world are not going to give you a pass because of your autism and that in order to function in society you need to know the rules and social conventions and one of those biggies is behavior and how to talk to a professor and eventually a boss. We felt it really was an inexpensive lesson for him.
Actually here is a follow up post to this blog http://asd2mom.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!BF70F135A8FDB728!381.entry
Again thanks for the feedback. I like it when people give me food for thought :)
@heatherbabes - I did have a thought about that professor who interjected about that "b". Maybe he was surprised that you would get a B because you are so smart and an amazing student. Maybe he wasn't glad you got a "b" just surpirsed and it came out wrong. I have had people tell me that they are amazed when I admit I don't know something about issues they thought I knew about. It's not that they are trying to be mean, they really can't believe I don't know. Maybe its the same here. Just a thought. Maybe its more of a positive thing and you shouldn't keep feeling bad about it? BTW I always knew you were too smart for your own good a 3.95 girl way to go. (I know about that .05 too. It would kill collegeman also. The kind that complained when he would get a 99.9 and not 100 on a test) PROPS babe.
Personally I think one problem is strategic. I have always found it useful to adopt other people's personas to deal with situations unfortunately knowing whether their behaviour is appropriate is another matter. It is confusing when what works in one situation does not work in another but the best we can do is copy what others do.
@aspergers2mom - That's also what my father said. This same professor who I thought was happy about it, also had started to write "holy sh**" on top of my final exam because he was so impressed with my regurgitation. Not that impressive to me, personally, to be able to memorize text books, but I can see where when other people can't do that, it'd be impressive to them. I think it's impressive people can talk on the phone and NOT get stressed out by it LOL
@Springingtiger - Ayup! My mom told me I was a chameleon (sp), because my personality changed depending on which group of friends I was with. It's because I was changing to fit in... I copied people. My father calls it being an empath... whatever, it worked LOL for the most part anyway
This is a very interesting post about being critical of others and participating. I think there has to be some "middle ground" between being an active participant in class and being too rude.
George
Is Autism a Genetic Flaw?
@georgealarcon - absolutely right and that is the issue: how to teach that to collegeman or anyone with autism so that they understand the social etiquette and can transfer it to other situations.
Hi,
this article is great! I'm a student at Boston University and we have realized this problem that parents and children with Autism face.
We have designed a product to help children with Autism and need your feedback.
Could you please help us take this survey? It will take less than 5 minutes.
thank you!
Link:
http://bumanagement.qualtrics.com//SE?SID=SV_eqZV1lTpwGrhgt6&SVID=Prod