I often talk about my thirty-six year old son, Brandon and how he has been able to live on his own for the past twelve years, despite all the professionals telling us it would be impossible. However, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression that everything is easy and great for my son, because it isn’t. What I am trying to say, is even when our children have limitations in many areas like Brandon does, they can still make independence work for them, if they have the will and desire.
As I watch my son struggle with each and every move, and every thought I can’t help but to say to myself, how does he do it? Every step of the way, everyday is filled with challenge after challenge.
If Brandon can’t do something, he wants to learn how, and he will in his own timing, and in his own way. If others mistreat him, he finds ways to heal his wounds, often by talking it out with me. I just listen, because he needs to be heard, and then he is able to work through it and let it go. If he feels lonely he has learned how to entertain himself, sometimes just a cuddly stuffed animal works wonders. If he has a Grand Mal seizure he will rest, and is then ready to start all over again.
Brandon’s limitations are numerous, and yet he has been able to conquer his dream of living in his own apartment, alone. Where does he get the strength? How does he find the courage to continue on, and want to better himself?
I believe I know his secret, he does not carry any old baggage from one day into the next. That allows Brandon to start fresh each and everyday with a clean slate. Brandon is a survivor. What drives Brandon is he wants more than anything in the world to fit in somewhere. That is something he has always wanted since he was a little boy. Today, he wants to have friends, a girlfriend, and to learn how to relate to others. I believe what makes Brandon so special is his willingness to go after what he wants, especially when it is so difficult for him to achieve it.
With Brandon having Asperger’s, untreatable epilepsy, and severe learning disorders most people find my son to be rather odd. But if people took the time to truly understand my son they just might feel the same way I do, Brandon is a sweet, kind, gentle soul.
Independence is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child or adult. Their development and growth may surprise you as you learn and discover new ways to work with their limitations. If you give your children opportunities to succeed and support them through acceptance, love and kindness they just may move beyond all expectations as my son, Brandon has done.
There is Hope,
Amalia Starr
Comments (11)
What a treasure he is! You must be in heaven watching him.
Oh what a wonderful mother you are. I admire Brandon's independence and determination to do things on his own. I wish the best for all of you.
Anything can be done when you look at the child and not the disability. People with disabilities want the same thing in life as those that do not have disabilities, to be independent.
People with disabilities have potential to overcome their difficulties if they are determined enough. It is necessary to give them all the support they could need, even if they choose not to say anything about wanting any. Brandon is a gifted man, and I admire his courage and determination to live independently.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Watching Brandon continue to develop and grow has been a beautiful experience, especially when all the professionals said he would never be able to live on his own. This coming May, Brandon will be celebrating 13 years of independence. There is HOPE! @cyberbear@xanga -
@RestlessButterfly@lovelyish - I appreciate your kind words. Yes, Brandon's determination is amazing. He is one terrific guy. Thanks for taking the time to write. I wish you all the best too!
Your comment is so true. If I stay focused on what Brandon couldn't do he would have never have had the opportunity to live alone. Yes, we must focus on what our children can do, and not listen when the professionals tell us our child can't do something. We were told over and over again by professionals that Brandon could never live alone. Happy to say they were wrong. Brandon will be celebrating 13 years of independent living this May. It is truly something to celebrate! @momzmybiz@xanga -
Thank you so much! Brandon works hard at achieving what he wants. It is so beautiful to watch him develop and grow. I too admire his courage and determination. @Wild_and_Wicked@xanga -
@amaliastarr - You're welcome!
@amaliastarr - Children with disabilities are so fortunate when they have a strong advocate that is willing to move forward on their behalf. It sounds as if you have been that for your son. I wish your son much continued success.
Thank you for your lovely comment. A child with special needs must have an advocate that cares. A person who will not stop until they get the action they are seeking. Most of the time it is us moms, because we have the fire, the passion, and the drive to get the results our children need and deserve. We are determined! @momzmybiz@xanga -