1. My parents are going to an IMAX showing of Avatar on Sunday. I
think I can handle those scary aliens (Leigh assures me that they're not scary; they're good). But can I handle an IMAX? That's a lot a lot a lot of stimulation all at once, both visual and auditory. Should I go, but bring my headphones and close my eyes when I need to? There's a ride at Disney World that's like an IMAX, and you fly over California (it's called Soarin'). It's one of my favorite rides in the park. It's so exhilarating. Maybe I'll like the movie too? But if it's really bad, and I melt down, then what?
I'd rather not be autistic today.
2. There's a guy in my autism group who has done some writing and editing. He asked if he could read my book, so I sent some of it to him. It's about 75 pages long at this point, so I've been working on it. He said that it's too stream-of-consciousness and doesn't have a strong enough sense of audience. I don't know how to fix that. I'm not a writer. I just write what I write and then hope someone reads it; I can't change how I write for difference audiences, just like I can't change how I speak when I'm talking to kids versus adults. So what do I do with the book? Ditch it? Keep writing it, but keep it for myself and forget about getting it published? Realize that his opinion is only one and put all the work into it at the risk that no one will like it? I'd rather not have something worth writing about today.
3. I met with my case manager yesterday. His name is Jeff, and he's in his 40's, and he's really nice. He doesn't talk to me like I'm stupid. He had never worked with someone with HFA so he asked lots of questions, which made me
more comfortable. He's going to help me find a job (though I have a lead on one now and would appreciates good thoughts and pryers my way), get housing, get furniture for my apartment whenever I need it, apply for cash assisstance, help with getting SSI, and above all, make sure that I get what I want for myself. Not what my parents want. Not what my doctors want. He's here to advocate for me and help me get (within the limitation that it's beneficial for me) what
I want. I like that.
So all this sounds just perfect, right? Wrong. While we're on the subject of what I want, I don't want a case manager. Case managers are for people with mental health issues, which I don't want to have. Normal people don't have case managers. I want to be normal. Megan says that he'll help me to be more normal, so I might as well accept the help. I still don't feel good about this. I'd rather be normal today.
Comments (12)
1. i hope you went to the movie. My aspies, who also have sensitivity to noise went and loved it. My younger one did watch without the 3-D glasses. It was better for him.
2. Write your book, your way. Every writer has their own style and experiences. Keep going. If you are unsure, take a writing class to help you edit your work. Remember it is supposed to be your voice, nto someone elses. Asodon't ask that person for advice anymore.
3.Let the case manager help you. I know its haard, I have a son in college who even needs to have a classroom coach b/c his anxiety is so high. He has a life skilsl coach and therapist too. Let people help you be the best you can be. you know us NTs have people that help us too. We just aren't stigmatized for needing and asking for help.
Everyone, especially at your age, is looking and searching for answers. Atleast theintelligent ones do. We also always wish things were differant and that we could be a differant person. But we are who we are and we can also be the best that we can be. I will tell you the same thing I tell my sons. You are smart, wonderful, good and kind. you are entitled to be what you want in life. Will it come harder for you than others? Perhaps, but unless you try you will never know how far you could go. Give it your all. Go for it. Go for your future.
Your post, to me, gave great insight about what it is like to be you and what you go through.
As for the movie, I must warn you (if you hadnt already seen it by the time this comes out) that you be prepared for what seemed like a 3 hour movie. It is a lot of stimulation. Just do what you feel is best,if you feel you need to bring the headphones, go for it.
Write your book, for you. Then try to submit it, dont worry about audiences just yet. I think you are a good writer
And as for your case manager, I know you would prefer not to have one at all, but remember, he is there to help you and not limit you - Everyone has someone in thier life like that at some point or another, assigned or not.
Avatar is really good. I carry ear plugs in my pocket which can take the edge off the volume.
For whom are you writing? Write for yourself, if others want to read it so much the better but you are the one that matters.
Sometimes being different is just a burden and a pain. This is a conversation we have at home about once every couple of months. There are lots of great things too, but sometimes it would be nice not to have the differences.
Good luck on the job hunt.
Best wishes.
There are case managers for everything. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
There are lots of books that are purely "stream of consciousness". I wouldn't worry about what your friend has to say about that. Try and get it published - I'd read it. ;)
1. I wanted to see it too... not sure I can sit still that long.
2. WRITE... take what your friend said into consideration, but don't ditch your book. Take some classes that will help you get a better idea of what writing for an audience entails. I have been told lots of times that I'm a good writer... but that is why I'm going to school to learn how to write for more than just the occasional passerby on my blog. There is a measure of conformity needed for "commercial" writing, pushing the limits makes your work stand out, but there still does need to be a bit of something "familiar" in order to draw in a broader audience.
The author of one of my favorite book series wrote, "Write every day, read every night." Don't be discouraged by criticism... use it to help you improve... BUT, don't try to please everyone either. If you don't understand the critcism, then ignore it for the time being. Learn more about writing to find out what it means.
3. I wish I'd had a case manager when I was younger. I've had to rely on people who have no clue how to help. At least a professional knows something about what's going on. You've got someone (hopefully) that you can trust to ask about things you don't understand. Thankfully, my husband is good about stuff... but the first six years of our marriage was HELL. Thankfully, we worked though it.
Writing is a form of self expression, so you should continue to write. It really doesn't matter if your friend thinks that it's good enough, because if it's good enough for you to read and enjoy, then be happy with it. You could post it part by part on a blog here when you are done. I think many people here would like to read it.
And omg, tons of people have case managers, health issues or not. I am glad he doesn't talk to you like you are stupid, because clearly you aren't stupid. Plus, there is nothing wrong with accepting help. Makes your life easier, right? And easier is good. =)
Being different can be so hard. Other people don't really understand what life can be like, and they sometimes make assumptions and treat people wrong.
As soon as I read the heading to this post, I became interested in it. It's probably because of my career but nonetheless.
You know, about the movie part, you've probably figured out that you just have to try things, and there's always the choice to leave if you can't handle it. If you don't try then the limitations can be overwhelming.
I'm so glad to hear that there are other advocates in the world. Lately I have been so disappointed in the workers I have come across, so to hear your positive story about your case worker makes me regain a little faith.
Thank you for posting and sharing. :)
Just because you may need a little extra help does not make you abnormal. Everyone has issues they need to deal with, and getting help is a good thing.
hope you went to (and enjoyed) the movie :)
keep at your book, in any way that works for you ... you never know, there may be several people out there who will relate and will find something they're looking for in your writing. do take criticism, but from MANY sources, not just one. however, no matter what criticism you receive, don't let it discourage you. ultimately, it is a deeply personal thing, and you, the author (not only of the book, but your life) have to make decisions about it.
which kind of ties in with this point ... i do not have autism (i don't think ... my parents weren't big on testing), but i do have a case manager. she works at a women's shelter, and she is doing for me exactly what yours is doing for you; helping me find housing, get my finances together, apply for aide, etc. without going into detail, let's just say i have been given a set of circumstances that are too big for me to handle without some help. and i don't want to stay stuck ... so i am getting help! and i know you feel very overwhelmed sometimes, but don't feel abnormal about having a caseworker. their job is to help with the overwhelming situations, and sometimes they can do it better than us just because they have an objective eye.
chin up :)
Write your book. Nobody reads my blogs, but I still keep on truckin'. Writing is a means to staying sane.
Maybe the title "Case Manager' is too daunting. That's understandable, but if he makes you feel more comfortable, great. Remember, his goal, whether he realizes i8t or not, is to put himself out of business. I was fired nine months ago for not bringing enough money into our state's marvelously dysfunctional mental health system. When Gold is God, people suffer; but I digress. Your main focus is reaching what YOU consider normalcy.
Train of thought, stream-of-consciousness whatever it takes to be you, is the right way for you to write. Many people enjoy this style. And, good writers write about what they know.
You have a natural poetic flow and I enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you for writing and posting.
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