For those of you who are new to my subscription and/or friends lists, you may or may not know this about me by interacting with me elsewhere on Xanga, however I do have a little something called Asperger Syndrome. For those that don't know, it's a mild form of Autism that makes me a bit "different" from the rest of you. I hope this helps you to better understand why I am the way I am, and with just a bit of effort on both of our parts, how you can better get along with me.
First off, I should say that despite the fact my brain works a little bit differently from a typical brain, that doesn't mean I'm a weirdo, or a nerd, or whatever other label you might want to throw at me. I don't take kindly to these things, however being quite honest, nobody does. I do my best to love, appreciate, and give affection to my friends and loved ones, however I may not be the best at this. My ability to do so is somewhat impaired due to AS, but that doesn't mean I don't try and that you shouldn't try to give me affection either. I like it just like the rest of us.
You should also know that in your interaction with me, you need to give very specific verbal indications if I'm boring you, irritating you, or even interesting you. AS impairs my ability to pick up on non-verbal cues and messages you may be sending me. If you tell me out loud these things (or type some sort of indication in an IM conversation or comment), I'll be able to better respond to you. This is especially true if I'm boring you, as I tend to go into great detail sometime, and really sometimes more detail than you ever would care for me to. Really, that's all there is to it. Just tell me and I'll redirect the conversation as necessary, however, unless you tell me outright, I may not be able to.
When I get interested in something, I get in over my head and pursue it to a very deep level. If you come to my house, or visit my blog, or anything like that and you notice my ridiculous list of beer tasting notes, my broad collection of clocks and watches, or my extensive collection of books on mathematics, you'll know why. Of course, unless you're really interested in these topics yourself, don't get me started talking about them, because I'll drone on and on about them and the gritty details, and I'll go on all day if you'll let me. This goes back to the whole thing about my impaired ability to pick up on non-verbal cues.
If I say something off-color, and I do a lot, you have to forgive me. I'm gradually learning more about social situations and what kinds of remarks are acceptable when and where, however, I do have the social maturity of the average 15 or 16 year old, admittedly. I'm slowly catching up, but certain situations are just hard for me. I'm also very shy at first, until you break me out of my shell. If I'm standing in a crowd, and I'm sort of isolated from the rest of you, it's because I'm nervous or even just petrified. Nothing would make me happier than for you to walk over and strike up a conversation with me. I'd love to, but I'm just too scared to do so a lot of times.
One last note, arguing with me is pretty much pointless. Hate to say it, but it's the truth. No matter how wrong or ridiculous you think I am, it's just the way it is and the way I am. I don't listen to arguments from anyone, and unless you want me to rip you to complete shreds, and potentially really hurt your feelings in the process, it's probably best not to argue with me. I've made my decisions looking at the factual evidence behind everything. I get my facts from unbiased sources that present both sides of the argument, I weigh it out in my mind, and there are even things I still don't have a solid opinion about. That said, if you want to start preaching to me about the Bible, or how I'm going to hell, or how ridiculous I am for refusing medical service regardless of what situation I'm in, you'll likely get on my bad side quickly, and then we'll never have anything to do with each other (especially after I'm done with you). I don't think you want to go down that road, and neither do I for that matter.
Following these general guidelines, you can better interact with me better, we can get along better, and we have have a healthier, happier friendship. I value each and every one of you, my friends, and you mean a lot. I don't want our friendship torn apart over something stupid. It takes a bit of work for us to get along, but we can, and I've demonstrated that several times over. I liken myself to Greg House (who is suspected to have AS himself, by the way) a lot, however, as I always say: for every Greg House, there's at least one James Wilson willing to put up with him.
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Comments (7)
Love this post! And it's so true. I was never tested and/or diagnosed with Asperger's, but I definitely have some major social awkwardness, so I wouldn't be surprised. Also, if autism spectrum disorders are genetic, this could also explain why my 3 year old is on the spectrum. Hmmm.
But good for you in putting some guidelines out there. It is kind of hard to talk to me, too, because I do prattle on about the same subjects FOREVER. :)
Ditto... I am 31 and have only recently learned to pick up on subtle conversation redirections. I still miss nonverbal cues and it is only because language in general is something I find fascinating that I catch most idiomatic speech.
Once I catch on to a metaphor... I tend to hold on to it through the entire conversation, so if you change the subject or perspective to be outside of that metaphor, you've got to let me know, or I'm going to keep going with it and have no clue what you're talking about because I'm still stuck in the metaphor. If I use one, you'd better catch on or you won't have a clue what I'm saying.
Okay, not to be picky but .... House is a fictional character who is admittedly, funny as hell... but how come every cool character on TV is automatically suspected of having AS? Can't it just be that's he's not socially awkward, he just doesn't give a um... ummm. bleep? There are plenty of cool people out there that are like that...
However... all that aside, I think it's awesome you provided guidelines for interaction with you. I am thinking perhaps I should do the same. BUT... I don't know what I do "wrong" a lot of the time. I don't listen when others tell me what it is either. SO perhaps I"ll have to invite people to tell me what I do that irritates them and then go from there. Other than the fact that I don't call them on the phone and they have to always do the reaching out thing....
My son knows all the right things to do and say and if he's around he lets me know that I have missed social cues - again. He's very helpful and I'm learning.
I hope this doesn't come across as totally stupid, but i think the thing that strikes me the most about you is you play the 'pipes! I LOVE bagpipes!
♥ this post!
I'm ninety-nine percent sure I have Asperger's, and everything you said in this post I almost completely relate to (interchange math books with Molecular Biology texts, beer-tasting notes with sketchbooks full of poems/drawings/unfinished prose, and clock/watch collection with a collection of anything with or about Japanese writing/language. I hate psychiatrists, so, even though I've suspected Asperger's for the past eight years, I've never been diagnosed. :/
Oh, yes! And I'm totally obsessed with House, which is what sort of lured me into this post. :P
I have officialy been diagnosed with Aspergers but I believe that I don't have it fullblown. Most people don't notice it and when I tell them, they are sort of shocked. They are like no you don't. I used to be socially akward, shy, stuff like that. But the reason why I don't think I have it or atleast to the extreme is I never really had one obsession. It was also hard for me to make friends.