Saturday, 09 January 2010

• A Rough Week

  This past week has been hard. Difficult, and hard…even more so, to admit that. The not having a job, thoughts of loosing the kids, and Emmys birthday, all sort of met up together and planned revenged against me. At least, that’s my story, and Im sticking to it.

  Its been one of those beat your head on the wall, kind of weeks. The kind that drive you to the wall, hang a sign post up, and push you into it. Its been the kind of week where I have went to bed every night with a headache, and woken up the next morning bright and early with racing thoughts of what was going to happen next…and when…and how. Its been on of those weeks I would have liked to set aside, and forget about this weekend…but wasn’t able to, and instead was forced to pick myself up, and stare life down, again.

  A friends mom unexpectedly passed away last Monday. They were returning from a family reunion, waiting for the ferry to come back to take them to our Island, when she collapsed…and was gone, before she knew it.  
  

  I still haven't gotten a job, and no, its not because of the recent economy issues. I have a job, lined up…its just a matter of arranging child care, and choosing the less of two evils…

  Thoughts of loosing the kids have been heavy on my mind lately, and Ive started to wonder if getting them back was the right choice…I don’t want to put them through that hell again. Or maybe I should say, I wont put them through that again. It seems sometimes, looking back, that it was almost easier, in a way, working towards getting them back. I knew what was expected of me, sure, people everywhere were telling me to do this or that, but I had guidelines, I knew what I HAD to do, and I knew why I had to do them. But now, that they are back. Those guidelines are gone, and Im trying to piece together lives for them, having absolutely no idea where to go with any of them…

  Its been one of those weeks, where I would laugh, but it really isn’t funny.

  Its been one of those weeks that, just when you think it cant possibly get ANY worse? It does.

  Its been one of those weeks where you feel like your going to be suffering from a very bad case of whiplash in the near future.

  Tonight, I promised the kids we would get pizza for dinner if they finished homework before a set time…and it worked. Wouldn’t you know, they were done with plenty of time to spare…I realize my luck had expired, but I took it for a spin anyways. We loaded up, and got maybe 3 minutes down the road, when there was crunch, a pop, and the sound of something grinding against something it should NOT be grinding against, coming from the truck…

  Needless to say, we didn’t get pizza.

  I didn’t want to look at the truck tonight, knowing that if I did, I most likely would get stuck under it, lock myself out of the house, and probably cause the roof to collapse.

  Its just been one of THOSE weeks.

  …and its only Monday.

  Of this week.

  The kids have colds, I have a headache, and my mom has threatened to come spend the holidays with us.

  Im planning to move.

  Away.

  Very far. Very, very far.

  Here is to a better tomorrow, a better week, a better anything. I know, Im grasping at straws. I should stop, it could be worse. I know that.

  
  
  

  • 9:15 PM
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