Saturday, 02 January 2010
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Apathy and Asperger's
I have been struggling with the stereotype that all people on the spectrum are emotionless or incapable to expressing emotion. I have to admit that I am often selfish and unaware of many things that go on around me. I am in what could be described as a cocoon of the mind.I sit here today and I think about all the things that I have missed and it makes me sad. I am 39, been married 3 times, visited 4 countries, have a grown daughter, and 4 step children. Two of my step children even have children of their own and I do not even have many memories of them growing up. In fact I only have a hand full of pictures from my past to remind me of the things that I have missed. I just never felt that pictures, keep sakes and mementos were all that important. I would normally either forget to take the camera if we did go anywhere or I would forget to use it if I did take it. Maybe I was unconsciously forgetting to take them on purpose. When we would move which was quite often these trinkets were usually the first to get thrown out, left behind, or lost.
I have been oblivious to so much in my life and continue to do so even though I do not want to be this way. People often think that I am rude or arrogant and I am neither. I am often very self absorbed and very narrow in my thoughts and passions. There are times when I know that I should have an emotional reaction to something and I don/t, and there are times that I weep like a child at the injustices of the world. I am a restless soul seeking answers to the deepest questions of life. I want to know what makes me this way so that I can understand it and control it so that it does not control me.
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About the Author
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- From: aspergersguy
- Name: aspergersguy
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- About Me: 41 years old, attending college and living with asperger's
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Comments (6)
This is quite a remarkable post.
Heather,
Thanks for trying to express what it is like to have Asperger's. It is difficult to understand the full scope of the syndrome when you don't have it. I have noticed that Aspergers is getting more TV time, but the stereotypes don't explain the real life of living with the disease.
Thank you!
I've read about Asperger's over the years, but I've never identified with anyone as much as I do you. I share many things with you. I just wish that I could work out what makes me seem arrogant and a very unwelcome guest (well, not true really, I don't get invited anywhere). Whatever it is I have, Aspergers, the results of an abusive childhood or just my personality, I too would like to be able to control it rather than it controlling me.
On the other hand, we can't all be good at the same things and perhaps it is that our talents lie elsewhere, outside the social sphere and that's what we should concentrate on, our successes in life not our failures.
You must be a good and lovable person with an interesting personality to have attracted three women enough that they want to marry you and maybe that is something to explore and perhaps congratulate yourself about. Maybe a higher self esteem and self confidence would bring you more peace.
Thank you for your post. I do feel for you.
Thank you for your wonderful post. When you said, "People often think that I am rude or arrogant and I am neither. I am often very self absorbed and very narrow in my thoughts and passions. There are times when I know that I should have an emotional reaction to something and I don/t, and there are times that I weep like a child at the injustices of the world." This is exactly what my thirty-six year old son deals with. It isn't easy as you know and write. I write about this in my book, Raising Brandon you might want to check it out on my website. I believe you will be able to relate to my son's story. I so appreciate your post, which gives me more information to help me help my son.
www.AmaliaStarrSpeakerAutism.com
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