Today I've had a cloud hanging over my head. Its been a rough week and I'm so very tired. I even broke down last night, wondering if I could handle what God has given me.
I had a post already started in my head. I was going to talk about all the things that have gone wrong. How hard life is, with no end to our struggles in sight. But then something happened that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I belong to a local group of parents with kids on the spectrum. Sometimes we'll meet, but mostly we communicate through an online group. Recently one of our members wrote about a friend. How her son, in his mid-20s and with Asperger's Syndrome, recently committed suicide. Seems the world just became too much for him to bear.
What was more shocking than this initial news was the outpouring of responses that followed. Post after post came in from other parents. They talked about their own children who are currently struggling or have struggled with suicidal thoughts. One boy is currently in the hospital, his depression taking a downward turn. He was hospitalized after his mom found out that he and a couple of other children had gone so far as to develop a suicide pact.
All this from a small group in a small city in the middle of the country. I just have to wonder how many of our children are in the same boat. And why?
You always hear how people with autism feel like outsiders looking in. Like everyone else is in on the punch line of a joke they just do not get. But this happening brought it all home for me. How great these feelings of isolation, of depression and of not belonging must be. And how the world can be such a cruel place.
So today, when my children get home, I will wipe the slate clean of all past transgressions and give each and every one of them the biggest hug I can muster. Because no matter how bad things are, they are still here with me. Thank God we still have the chance to understand each other and share our lives together.
We do not know what the future brings. But today, I am most thankful for my children -- and the fact that they are here sharing the good, the bad and the ugly with their worn out, but very proud momma.
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Comments (2)
I'm sorry to hear about the mom who lost her son to suicide. I couldn't imagine how and what these people are going through life day after day with so much obstacles in their ways.
I'm glad there are people like you who love their children despite their difficulties.