@tsh44@xanga - I have rules. All kinds of rules. But it wasn't until I was in adulthood that I realized that these rules exist. I'll even go a step further and say that many non-autistics create their own rules for social engagement based on past experience. It just isn't usually defined and examined on a conscious level is all. :)

I think the difference in rules by autistics and rules by neurotypical people is how those rules are formed, or rather why. Autistic people experience experiences differently than other people do and therefore their rules are colored by those experiences differently. Think about those autistic who hear sounds as if they have experienced them through another sense. For example, I hear the word "pineapple" and I get a shiver down my spine. That makes me think that pineapples must be cold. So the rule is I can only eat pineapples if it is cold and not cooked. Weird, huh? I think so and also kinda neat to explore how those rules came to be! :)

@tsh44@xanga - it's annoying when I taste colors. For instance, brown, for me, has an acidity to it and makes me wanna yark. It's akin to having bile in your throat. That stuff that burns? Yeah, brown is not a good color.

I can see music. That's the fun one. When a song is playing on my radio at home I can see the vibrations in the air and they're pretty. However, not so fun when I'm trying to drive, so I have to keep the radio off in the car sometimes if I can't turn it off inside my head.

@tsh44@xanga - LOL only when I see the color of it. So if your autistic person doesn't like to wear "Green" that may be why!

For me, words (printed or hand-written) have no other sense- they are "flat" and unfeeling things. It's why I've always loved to read. They don't hurt, blind me, cause me to be sick or any other adverse things.

But there are joyous feelings. Again, purple tastes like chocolate. Me and purple really get along.

I really don't have an autistic person in my life on a regular basis. Just friends of my children who visit us from time to time they do have some quirks that we try to simply work into our day to day lives while they are around. One of them sometimes gets overloaded with all the chaos in our home and for him we have a quiet place he goes to when the chaos becomes too much for him. It seems that as he has gone from early teen to adult those overload times are much less frequent.

I'm so confused about myself.

I'm not sure if I'm aspergers or not, but its been suggested by someone I know who has it.

I don't have good social skills, but no matter how hard I try I can't think of any routines or rituals I have or any rules. Like the above poster said everyone has rules just NTs dont think of them consciously. But I try to think of them consciously and can't think of any. But then there are things I do on a regular basis just not attached to any specific time. I go on the internet, to certain sites, sometimes to random sites, and then there's games I like to play on the computer. But its more like an addiction than a routine. No set time, and if there's something else to do I do it and usually I like if there's something else to do to break the monotony. It seems like these are the things I do when I'm bored and have nothing else to do. But that's not even really completely true. There are a few things around me I could do. It seems like if there's something else I can do and its obvious I do it but if I have to think for a second about what there is to do I don't put in the effort.

I often use big words but when other people do I get bored, lose track, or even get annoyed.

Still at the same time I wonder if my social problems are due to too much social awareness rather than too little. When someone says something and it sounds like it could be about me I get nervous. I'm always watching and paying attention to people around me to try and pick up on any clues for how I'm being taken in. When I do something that I think might have made a bad impression I fret over it for a long time. If people notice me doing something poorly it stresses me out. I start shaking. I get stage fright and performance anxiety in the most mundane situations. I just want people to appreciate me and see me as a capable person who knows what he's doing and is even better at certain things. I'm always thinking about what other people think about me. Is that normal in asperger's syndrome?

There are a lot of things I love but am terrible at. But its a love-hate relationship. I think its interesting and cool. I like the activity of doing it. I dont like the anxiety if people are watching or the fear of doing it wrong or doing it poorly. Socializing in general falls into this category but so does ping-pong, basketball, and singing songs(like when its on the radio and everyone else is, I'd love doing that but I haven't practiced enough and am afraid to try and get the words wrong around other people). I also get afraid that if I'm not good at something or if I shy away from it people will get the wrong idea about me and think I'm not interested in those things. They will get an inaccurate picture of my personality and put me a in a box and it will affect how they treat me and improvement in these things will be blocked off to me forever.

I do notice facial expressions and tone of voice and every possible interpretation of it pops into my mind and I tend to be a pessimist and gravitate over to the worst possible interpretation. I'm noticing people's emotions but I'm not always sure how to respond. I especially have trouble keeping a conversation going.

I don't always make eye contact, but that could be because of lack of confidence.

My legs are always shaking. Is that a stim? But then that seems common.

If it is aspergers then I dont know how Im going to get what I want out of life. I want lots of friends. I want to talk to people a lot. I want to be admired and loved, and genuinely. (If I think a compliment is insincere, is being said just to make me feel better, or if I feel like people are holding me to a lower standard and wouldn't have complimented another person for the same thing I don't like it or if I'm unsure it makes me nervous because I feel like it means people are thinking less of me.) I want to be good at the things I love and be able to show it off. I want people to understand the real me and know what things I love and not get the wrong idea all the time. Is it possible to get all this even if I have aspergers?

Plus, and this is kind of offtopic when researching this I've thought of a number of questions. Without mind-reading how can anyone be sure about the underlying causes of the symptoms? For example we assume that if an autistic person reacts to sounds more strongly than someone else that its because they are hypersensitive to it(hearing it louder). What if instead their brain is designed to react with fear to sounds lower than a normal person, so they are hearing it the same its just their emotional response is different? What if a person heard sounds louder than normal but the brain was designed to react to sounds higher than a normal person so that the two symptoms cancelled each other out and the person responded to sounds they hear louder the same way most people respond to those same sounds when hearing them normal? Would anybody notice? Would the symptom ever even be diagnosed? What is hyposensitives aren't really hyposensitive but seek out stimuli because there brain is set up to find certain stimuli more pleasureable? Could someone who is hyposensitive have a brain that doesn't desire as much perception of sensation as a normal person and so respond normally? That is could you have a person who feels very little but is content in feeling very little and has no need to try and remedy the situation(by seeking out stimuli)? It seems that sensitivity issue-related symptoms actually depend on part of the brain, the reactive part working normally while the perceptive part is working differently. If both were working differently it would change or negate the outward symptoms.

@Rainbow - haha! yes, i'm sure it's a wonderful color for many people (and yes, I have made mudpies but they were more gray than brown.. or is that grey?).

Don't get me wrong, I love music. It's so pretty but it can be dangerous....

@PossibleAspy - Just because you are shy and have some social awkwardness doesn't make you aspie. There's more to the criteria than just that. However, you could be. I don't know you enough to decide one way or another and of course, I'm not a neuropsych or anyone qualified to give that diagnosis to someone online :)

Also, too, a lot of those with HFA (high functioning autism) are very aware of social situations. They do worry a lot about missteps because they have noticed failures in the past. Such as saying something and offending someone and having been totally unaware that it would be offensive... enough of that happening, and yes, Aspie's will become superaware of social situations. They spend a lot of time double-checking their actions and words. And even still with all that double checking, they make social gaffes.

But the social aspect is not the only consideration for whether or not you have Asperger's. There are at least three other areas that one would have to be significantly impaired by to be considered for a diagnosis. Seriously tho, you might want to ask a parent or another trusted adult in your life to make an appointment for therapy. Because if it is or isn't Asperger's, you're obviously feeling uncomfortable and need an outlet with someone who can understand.  And if you're a teenager, a lot of what you describe is normal, believe it or not.

Hey, check out www.heyterra.com it's a website for tweens and teens, boys and girls. Annie Fox is a friend of mine (I met her when I reviewed her book) and I can tell you that she is one adult who seriously can help ya!

@kithicmorgance@xanga - Thanks for the page! I knew there was a name for it but had forgotten what it was called!

re: rules- I also wanted to point out that rules don't have to do necessarily with time, rituals or routines. Those I call "new" rules. You've had one experience and then you have your second... that second is the "new" rule based on your one experience. Some NTs often decide to do the opposite of the first experience creating a reverse rule, too :) I'm fascinated by rules, rituals and routines by other people and am glad the author of his post shared this :) (didn't mean to hijack the discussion with the off-topic topic)