When we find out our children have autism, epilepsy or special needs this information can be extremely difficult to deal with. Many of us believe we have to give up our dreams, but that may not be true.  I have found that we have to alter, adjust and adapt to our children’s needs, and when we do that we are led down a new path.  Sometimes we go kicking and screaming, as in my case.  Some go more quietly.  I was stuck in the “why me syndrome” and had “pity parties” for years.

I desperately wanted my son, Brandon to be like everyone else so he would fit in somewhere, and maybe even make a friend. When that didn’t happen I began to harbor anger and resentment. I didn’t want to have a child who had special needs. But nothing I did ever changed Brandon, and my lack of acceptance only made things worse.

One day, out of the blue it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had surrendered. I gave up the insane battle of trying to change Brandon into someone he could never be. I finally realized I was the one who needed to change, and I changed my perspective. 

I was excited, because now I had a plan and a goal. I realized the better parent I could become, the more I could help Brandon to become the best person he could be. I saw it as having nothing to lose, but much to gain. This new outlook didn’t come early or easy. It wasn’t until after experiencing an inordinate amount of emotional and physical pain that I was able to see I had options.

I reached out to Brandon in an entirely new way. I decided to meet him where he was, not where I wanted or needed him to be. He began to blossom in ways I never thought possible.  He became more courageous and tried new things.  He appeared happier, and more content with himself.  He continued to grow and develop.  He knew that I was there to support him and to root him on.  He trusted me.  We were finally on the same team.

Brandon has achieved what professionals believed to be impossible: due to having Asperger’s, untreatable epilepsy, and severe learning disorders.

At age thirty-six, Brandon has been living on his own for the past twelve years, enjoying his independence. Although living alone may not be an option for every child, helping one’s child to live the best life possible is every parent’s dream. I believe through acceptance we can help our children reach their full potential.

It’s true, that one of the greatest gifts we can give to one another, and especially our children with autism and special needs is to accept them for exactly who they are.

My son, Brandon is living proof that acceptance is the answer.